You are here

Would you consider this excessive?

nunya1983's picture

SD10 every now and then texts dh, "I love you."

Well now SD10 brings her phone to our house for her extended stay. Well now I notice she face times with her mom for 30 minutes to an hour 2x every day. To me this is excessive. What do you think?


WalkOnBy's picture

I can only speak for myself. When my kids were 10, and at their dad's house, I talked to them maybe once during the course of the weekend. So, yeah, to me, this seems excessive.

This was one of Medusa's PAS weapons when DH had the skids for the weekend (he is now custodial and Medusa has disappeared) - she would text "love you bunches" "hope you're safe" "don't be scared" all day long. Phone calls were marathons consisting of interrogation.

Jinger_VZ's picture

Twice a day is pushing it. Contact us important so once a day is enough.
Is your BM bored? Does she not have a life outside of this kid?

hereiam's picture

I think it's weird. My SD did not talk to her mom at all when she was with us, at any age.

Even for an extended stay (which we didn't do) that is excessive.

Sparklelady's picture

It IS excessive, but more importantly it's damaging to that skid. She needs to learn how to cope with her day without her mom. I'd be seriously discussing taking that device away until almost bedtime - and I'd explain to her why. 1. Children need to do things during the day without electronics. 2. Children need time apart from parents. To learn independence, and to show they're growing up. I'd never have allowed that kind of contact when my skids were younger - turn off the wifi during the day if you must. It's not helping her at all.

nunya1983's picture

I figured it was excessive. While eating at the table for lunch/dinner with everyone, her mom will text her, "facetime time". And then she will want to get up and run off with her phone for FaceTime. I'm like "uh, rude much?" Its incredibly intrusive! I can't stand this shit. I want to flush her phone in the toilet as soon as she gets here.

nunya1983's picture


oneoffour's picture

First, look at your own phone habits. Do you check it all the time? Do you stop and text or take a call from anyone at any time? Do you text/talk while driving? Just stop and think for a minute.

Now if you are not doing any of the above talk to DH and tell him you can understand SD wanting to see her mother however there has to be limit. At meal times the phones get turned off. This little girl has got into a bad habit and needs to be weaned off the phone/lifeline. Then she may speak to her mother after breakfast. Her phone goes to bed with you two at night because I bet she is talking to her mother at night as well.

Is she being kept busy during the day? Take her to a pool or somewhere where having a phone glued to your hip is impossible. You can't expect her to be entertaining herself and then telling her "But no talking to Mommy." She obviously is allowed to have the phone with her all the time. But make small rules that get amped up every week.

And consider that she may be homesick depending how often she is with you guys. I would get horribly homesick even staying with my grandparents who I saw several times a week. My sister was worse. She would break out in hives. And our parents are still together so no problems about abandonment issues.

However if your phone habits are exposed in my first paragraph - well you know the answer. Lead by example.

WTF...REALLY's picture

After future review, I really think you need to leave this child alone. I read more of your story, and its a sad one. For the child. She must be calling her mom in search for security. Its not excessive. Its a cry out for help to her mom.

Please back off from this child. Leave her be. She needs to grow up in a safe environment. You are unable to provide this with your hate and anger issues towards her. Leave her be.

Disneyfan's picture

For this kid it isn't excessive at all. I'm actually surprised she isn't calling her mother more often.