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Please Someone tell me if I am wrong!!

not the momma's picture

Submitted by not the momma on Wed, 10/24/2007 - 4:34pm

Okay here is my story. DH and I have been together for about 8 years, married 6. He has 1 son 18 and 1 daughter 15. We also have a daughter 6 together, and I have 3 Bio daughters ages 22, 18,16. When I came into the picture SS and SD where living with BB. When I moved here they where at our house practically everyday. He would pick them up from school and they would come over eat dinner, do homework and sometimes even get their baths then he would take them home. We were supposed to get the EOW but they would be here every weekend. DH was paying CS $600.00 monthly. But she would not spend one red cent to provide them with clothing, underwear, shoes, coats not even deoderant, lotions, school supplies, nothing. We had to do it all or they would go without. He would sign them up for sports, coach their teams and we would go to all sports events. She would not attend. When teacher parent conferences were to take place we would go, not her. She would not take them to the DR. Office, not even for school shots. She signed over custody willingly to DH about 2 years ago. To be honest she never really cared for SS would allow him to do bad in school and just outright didn't care. He was heading for a bad future. But I would not allow it. I stayed on him about his lieing, schooling, personal hygiene, everything! Thank God it paid off, he is due to graduate this year and is a top football prospect by some very good colleges. Now my question. At our high school before one of the football games they have a senior night. This is when the parent of a senior walks out on the field with their child an are introduced to audience.I feel that this should be myself and my husband. Because until she realized that he was being recgnized by the news reporters and colleges and local paper, she had nothing to do with him. But now all of a sudden she wants to be his mom. EXCUSE ME!?!?! Anyways I have said to DH if she walks on that night I will not. I feel like we have done all the work and have been to hell and back and now she wants to jump on the band wagon like she had something to do with?!?!? I know she thinks that he may be looking at a football career in the future and she is only in it for the money! I pray that SS is smarter than that. Please help! Am I wrong? Sorry so long.

Comments

not the momma's picture

Submitted by not the momma on Wed, 10/24/2007 - 5:20pm

She has even went so far as to tell him she didn't want him? She has said and done some hurtful things. And has even refused to feed him and his sister. DH would have to take food to them at her place because she would not cook. But here recently she has taken a sudden interest in him. We were in the paper (DH, Myself, daughters, aunt, cousin) so that he could verbally commit to the college of his choice. Before that she had no interest in him or what he was doing. Alsoshe does not pay CS and still does not provide him with anything. She will on occasion buy SD clothes that looks like they are off the clearance rack or yardsale, she never wears them they are still hanging in the closet with tags on them. ( She has horrible taste in clothing) So after the picture in the paper all of a sudden you are showing up and actually talking and hugging SS??? "WTF?!?!?"

Rae's picture

Submitted by Rae on Wed, 10/24/2007 - 5:26pm

It's awful to be sure, but still doesn't change the best answer..let the son decide. I definitely agree with the wise responses of Steve and Daddysgurl.

Hanny's picture

Submitted by Hanny on Wed, 10/24/2007 - 5:44pm

it is up to your SS. Now DH could suggest to him the three of you be there...if SS is having a hard time making a decision.

Frog44's picture

Submitted by Frog44 on Thu, 10/25/2007 - 9:01am

It will be difficult, knowing that she didn't care, and here she is, when there's all the attention. But let SS decide. After all, she is his mother. (Even if she's never acted like it.) SS needs to make his own decisions regarding BM. Kids are smart - he knows you really care, and probably knows what BM is up to.

My stepson wanted all four of us to walk out with him on his senior night. Unfortunately Hubby had to work, and being a new job had no vacation. So, I went and taped the ceremony so Hubby could see it. Believe me, being on the field with BM is the last place I wanted to be, but I would have done it in a heartbeat for SS.

sparky's picture

Submitted by sparky on Thu, 10/25/2007 - 6:37pm

"Anyways I have said to DH if she walks on that night I will not. "
If you don't go you are letting her take all the credit for your SS success. I would be there to share that great moment with him if he wanted me there. If the 3 of you walk him out, hopefully he will stand between you and your husband and just treat her like the SM or aunt. If he is a senior in high school he is old enough to know that she is just in it for the money and glory.

Mary's picture

Submitted by Mary on Thu, 10/25/2007 - 9:01pm

Yes, by all means be there for HIM! Swallow your pride and stand strong! I have had the same issue. Walk with your ss and your husband. Have her walk behind him since she does not have custody and you 2 are raising him. Have the announcer to announce that he is the son of (ie) John and Jane Doe and Suzie Q Doe.