Heart says stay - mind says go
Well things seem to have leveled out a little bit. SD-17 is doing more and more around the house. Once I showed her how to clean. (I can't imagine how she went 17 years without having to do chores.)
BM seems to be at least pretending to try. SD has prom coming up. BM offered to pay for getting her hair done and buy all the needed accessories. She went so far as to ask me to go with her and SD shopping. Not gonna happen.
DH is what is driving me a little crazy right now. He is so intent on avoiding conflict with me - he just rides SD all the time. Very annoying. And then wants to pretend that everything is ok, that there is no need to plan or work things out. SD has the baby in less than 6 months. There is a lot to plan and talk about --- and then there is OUR relationship.
Our relationship has taken too many blows in my opinion. I think I still love him - but I don't want to fight alone for a relationship. In the past I have given up too much because of my SD. I don't want to give up anything else. But at this point - I don't know if there is anything else.
DH and I have nothing to talk about anymore except his daughter and her situation. All our plans for the future have been changed because she decided to get pregnant on purpose. Every day drama follows her and the boy she "wants".
Am I just selfish and self-centered? I want something for me now. I have raised my two sons and raised them well I might add. They are self-sufficient, independent men. But here I am, unexpectedly having to take on the raising of an immature teenager girl - who knows nothing about life and responsibility. And soon the raising of her child as well. And I am well aware that all the work and responsibility will fall to me.
I want my DH to stand up and take charge of his daughter. To help get her in line for HER future. All he says is "what can I do? I can't make her do it." But when I step up and make her-- guess what, she does it. No fights. I want a man that puts our relationship first. And I want a man that is willing to fight to rebuild our relationship.
Sorry - just whining.
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You've been in such a state
You've been in such a state of upheaval lately, it seems as though things have swung too far in the other direction. Balance is the name of the game, I would hang out for awhile and see if you're able to strike a balance and then reassess
"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".
DH admits he feels guilty.
DH admits he feels guilty. He knows he raised her to be a selfish, lazy person. He wanted her life to be different from the way he was raised. So instead of a balance of love and discipline - he gave her everything and did everything for her to show his love. SD also admitted she has taken advantage of it during her life and never appreciated what she had.
I tend to be cautious - I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something - anything - that will bring SD's true nature out. It will be then if we see if BM and especially DH follow through with their promises.
Also in light of my life - DH has learned that being raised in a very dsyfunctional home is no reason to raise a spoiled child - look at my two.
My problem now is simple. I am too impatient. I have waited too long for a change -- and now that they are "trying" its too little too late. I get angry too easy.
And I want some attention for me in this family. Plain and simple. So yeah I am selfish.