I am engaged to a man whom I have been with for 3 years. We have a new 3 month old and I have a 9 year old son from a previous marriage and a 7 year old daughter. My fiancee has a 9 year old son from a previous relationship also. When we moved in together 2 1/2 years ago things were great for the first year. Of course the children fought and we had little spats once in a while but for the most all of us got along. It all started over a haircut. His mother cut his hair into a mohawk and not even a good mowhawk it looked like she shaved his head and missed a strip. His dad and I both expressed our displeasure. His dad took him and had it cut. This of course ticked his mom off. My fiancee's mother also had a major part in raising this boy because my fiancee was 17 when he was born and of course even tho he took care of him he lived with his mother who is a control freak in every since of the word and considers this kid hers. ( she even went as far as to say she was having hormone surges when I was pregnant but thats a different story all together she is a little off.) Anyway this little boy whom at the time I thought I had a great relationship with, the boys mother and my fiancees mother all had a big gripe session over this haircut and in the process the boy tells her I demanded his dad cut his hair. This led to a text message stating for me to keep my nose out of things I was not his mother blah blah.
Here's where the issue lies..It really upsets me not that they got mad over a haircut but that I had done EVERYTHING for this kid up to that point. We had him 90% of the time, I took him to the dentist, the doctor, practices, school shopping. I made my son share his bedroom and all of his things. It felt like a knife in my back. I grew resentful because after all this he still talked about me. Since this time things with me and my fiancees family have been bad. His mother makes things up about me and tells everyone. I moved 2 hrs away from my family to be here so he could keep his relationship with his son but the longer we go thru this the more I resent him for not standing up to these women (namely his mother and his aunt) when they verbally attack me and my 2 children.
Now its to the point I cringe everytime the kid has to come to our house. My fiancees mother is extremly fake and is nice to my face mainly now because I had her grandson 3 months ago, but still continues to tell all the rest of their family and her coworkers how horrible I am and how she cant stand me. I love my fiancee with all my heart but I dont know how we are ever going to work with all this garbage going on. To top it off my SS who is still here 4 days a week and whenever else his mother needs to go party, has started hoarding up all his toys at his grandmas house so he doesnt have to share with my son. This is fine but then I made the point to let my son know he didnt have to share all of his things anymore. I know 2 wrongs dont make a right but I'm so sick of it feeling like my kids are supposed to be second fiddle to this kid who is a BRAT in every sense of the word. He lies, he steals, he is disrespectful and he tells me all the time he doesnt have to listen to me because his "Grandma said I dont". Since the birth of the baby my fiancee has started to see what I am talking about with this boy but he feels guilt for the kid because his mom is such a loser.
I have no idea what to do but I know what I am doing is not working and I feel like I am losing my mind half the time. I feel like this whole thing has made me a spiteful person and I am not like that. Why cant I just ignore it and get over it?
HELP!!!