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ex wife making me crazy

kim1960's picture

My fiancee and I are getting married in July. He has five children the youngest of which is four. The others are older and we have no problem with their mother. But the mother of the four year old is making me nuts. My fiancee has a disease Myasthenia Gravis and stress greatly aggravates his condition. This woman does nothing but stress us out. With in two weeks of finding out that we were serious about each other and getting married she had the four year old going to a counselor because we had been doing adult things and talking about adult situations in front of him. She also stated that we failed to feed him properly and caused him to have trouble with his bowel movements. After two months of relentless accusations my fiancee stopped overnight visits with his son. Since then his son has been hospitalized with a staph infection and she told my fiancee it was because of a cut lip the four year old got when he was wrestling with his 12 year old brother when he was with us. We found out from the doctor that it was caused from a bug bite he got when he was with her parents. She didn't call him when their son had to go into surgery for it we only found out because my fiancee happened to go to the hospital to visit his son and they were prepping him for the surgery. Now she is saying she that she will be taking him out of town for six weeks and we have no idea where he will be or how to contact him. According to the divorce agreement she cannot take him for more then one week at a time three times a year. I told my fiancee to let her know under no uncertain terms that this cannot happen and will not be tolerated. He is afraid to do so before Christmas as he is afraid she won't let us see him. Needless to say this is causing both of us considerable stress and has left him very week physically. She hates me and doesn't like the fact that she can't control him now
that I am in the picture. I have tried being nice to her etc. and it has gotten me nowhere.
If any one has any suggestions as to what to do at this point they would be greatly appreciated.

happy's picture

If she takes there son out of town with out permission from your fiance, she can held in contempt of court. He needs to put her in her place and stand up for his rights as that little boys father.
She is just being spiteful. She is unhappy in her own life and because of that and the fact that your fiance is happy she will try to make you miserable. 1st thing your fiance (excuse my french) needs to grow some balls and stand up to her. That child is also his child. Not hers alone.. He needs to stick by that court document. She can go to jail for not adhering to the court order.
Will she talk to you at all? You know it would be nice to hear from a older child now who has gone thru what these younger ones are with there moms. I am curious to know how they feel about the parent who acted to foolishly when it came to them. Kids are not for us to use as bait to get what we want. They are our responsibility and they cannot come into the world without two parents, unless they go to the sperm bank.. You as a couple do not sound abusive or out of line in what you are asking. If I were him I would threaten her with the thought of going to jail. You can go to court over this and the judge can hear the case and stuff.. and she can go to jail if the judge warrants that. So calm down talk to him. No matter what she cannot take his son from him just because she is not getting her way. All you have to do is contact an attorney, and yes I realise they are expensive.. but contact one and have her served.. It will do the trick.
Happy

h6not3's picture

Contempt of Court.

Your husband has rights. The judge will see that 6 weeks on vacation is not acceptable. Be proactive and I bet you will get what you want:)

Good luck! I hope your husband feels better soon.

Merry Christmas

kim1960's picture

Well the BM left with soon to be SS today. We did find out she is taking him to Florida to be with her family. She has refused to give us a physical address/phone number for us to contact him other then through her on her cell phone. We will not see SS again until Feb. 1st. She is staying with him for two weeks and then flying back here and he will stay with her parents until they fly back with him. Not only is she violating the parenting agreement we also have real concerns about her parents, who are in their 80's, keeping a four year old for any length of time. Her parents rent a different mobile home every winter when they go there so getting a physical address for them is impossible. We also have an issue with the fact that they do not believe in using air conditioning and it can get awfully hot in a mobile hime in Florida. She emailed my fiancee yesterday to tell him that SS had been running a 101 temp over the weekend and that he had been coughing, had a runny nose and had "sinus guck" as she called it coming from his nose and that she was taking him to the doctor. He emailed her back telling her under know circumstances that he did not want her to take him to Florida and that he expected to pick him up next Wednesday from daycare as per the agreement. He told her this was especially important with the child being sick and that if she insisted on taking him he had to have a physical address and phone number where he could talk to him and check on his health and well being. Well of course she just ignored the email and left today anyway. Now that the holidays are over my fiancee's attorney is back in town and I am encouraging him to contact them to get the paper work started and hopefully a court date to get her to return him. My fiancee isn't sure because in the county where we live it usually takes 30 days to get a court date and by then the four year old will be back and the judge will probably just tell her not to do it again. I think it would be worth the money just to prove a point to BM so that this doesn't happen again. Plus we could ask the judge to make her pay our attorney's fees and court costs if he does find her in contempt. Is it possible to do this?

Anonymous's picture

I would make sure the court knew she is violating the court order. Even if it takes 30 days, the paperwork will be filed that she broke the agreement.

Anonymous's picture

Guess I'm not getting your post. So what if she wants to take the child to visit the parents in FL. And its not hot over there at all now so forgive me for saying but its seems like you are just trying to control her actions which will likely backfire on both of you as the child becomes older. If the child is just visiting the grandparents I don't think you need their address or ph number. In fact, thats pretty overbearing imo. Why not let your bf decide what is acceptable, and stay out of it also. imo when the child returns just resume the visiting schedule.

trepidation's picture

I'd see to it that the violation of the court order was properly documented with the court. At the very least have BF contact the attorney and check into the legalities. Also, even if it isn't legally required it's common decency to provide the location of one's 4 year old child and an emergency telephone number. I'd be concerned about leaving a 4 y/o alone with 80 y/o's also, and I'd be beside myself if my child were flown off and I didn't know his/her whereabouts.

Anonymous's picture

It sounds a little to me like theres an anger issue with the mom and grandparents.
Myself I would not want my Ex or his gf/wife to have my parents number, so I would also give them a cell so I think that is appropriate...plus it sounds to me like its a 3 week visit to see family. They should just be happy the little boy gets to spend time with his grandparents, instead of trying to mico manage the mother.

kim1960's picture

There is no anger issue with the grandparents. It's not like the 4 year old doesn't see them. They live here in Illinois six months of the years and winter in Florida. She leaves the four year old with them every other week when they are here so it's not like he doesn't see them. The fact remains that the parenting agreement says she can take him on vacation for one week. She deliberately scheduled it so that my BF won't see him for five weeks. It would be different if the mother was staying there with him but she isn't she is flying back here. Every parent has the right to KNOW WHERE THERE CHILD IS if the other parent is not staying with them. She pulled this at Thanksgiving too. Left for another "vacation" on Wednesday so again my BF did not see him for two weeks and refused to tell us where they were going. Of course there is an anger issue with the EX. She goes out of her way to deliberately make us miserable and to undermine his relationship with his son. She has a major control issue and uses the little boy against his father all the time.