Dear Valued Users,
It's with a heavy heart that we announce the permanent closure of StepTalk.org on August 31st, 2025.
This decision wasn't an easy one. For over twenty years, StepTalk has been a source of support for stepparents around the world! However, over the years, the costs associated with maintaining and upgrading the site to remain secure, meet current standards and maintain availability have become unsustainable.
We are incredibly grateful for your support, contributions and the community you've helped us build. Your engagement has made StepTalk.org a special place and we cherish the memories and connections made here.
We would especially like to thank Aniki for volunteering to be a moderator and for caring so much.
Thank you for being a part of our journey and we wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
Dawn and The StepTalk Team
Comments
One of the things that I love
One of the things that I love about my fiancé is that he is an extrovert to my introvert, fun compared to my slightly more serious nature. In many ways he brings out the best in me by getting me out of my shell and lightening up a difficult situation with a cock-eyed look or a goofy grin. I appreciate those things about him and they compliment me.
It can also be one of the most frustrating things about him, though. For instance, due to reasons that I cannot get into on here, it became necessary for him to file bankruptcy this past year and I will come back to my frustration in connection with his nature.
The background story is that some years back he was laid off from a well=paying job and around that time his "then wife" cheated on him with two men. (One being their church guitar player!) He was eventually able to get a new job that is stable income but pays much much less. But between the cheating, the job loss and the divorce (so she could marry "screw #2") he was financially set back tremendously.
And I'm proud of him for how far he has had to come back from such loss and how he keeps a happy disposition for the most part even though I know he must be scared.
In this bankruptcy he was encouraged by the lawyer to sell the house that he and his wife had owned and this would get him out of the bankruptcy. The real estate agent has told him differing things from the lawyer and has said he could actually lose money on the sale and end up still owing the bank because the bank makes the final decision on whether an offer is accepted or not.
Coming back to his nature- now we just recently got engaged...but he usually doesn't voluntarily share this information with meunles I ask him questions. When I ask him he's very honest though. He tells me he doesn't like to discuss it because he's embarrassed and sad about it. so for instance, a few mornings ago I suggested he go on a credit forum site to ask questions and get some answers...and he quietly did what I asked. But then he went right back to surfing the web and just basically diverting his attention from anything important. And this will probably go on all week that he won't check back with that site.
Now I've never been married...and I know I'm the serious one in the relationship. But how much should I be expecting from him that is reasonable regarding problem solving together and how much should I stay out of this and let him work through it the best way he can? I don't want to add more pressure on an already difficult situation but even though it's his house I feel like we've got a conjoined future ahead of us and we need to discuss/make decisions together now.
Message Dawn about your
Message Dawn about your problem and she can fix the issue on posting. She did for me.
Well first you need to
Well first you need to communicate about what your marriage looks like in the future. Will you combine finances? Make that decision NOW so that you will know how to navigate these items. And if he can't be open and upfront - honestly - I would not combine my finances with him. Many will tell you not to do it no matter what, and especially if he has bad credit and filed bankruptcy. It's a way to protect yourself. That's a discussion you both need to have.
If he wants to combine them in the future - you ABSOLUTELY need to be involved in each decision he makes and you should know everything about his credit. Just remember it will be more difficult to purchase a home for yourselves with his bankruptcy.
I would make him prove himself in communication and financial issues before combining anything though. It's easy to blame money issues on 'the ex' and 'the divorce' but watch closely what he does in his every day life. That will give you answers.
i wouldn't even consider
i wouldn't even consider marrying a man who still has financial problems from a previous marriage, ESPECIALLY one that prefers life with blinders on. if men would take care of business and clean their lives up (as they should) BEFORE involving another person in a relationship, this wouldn't even be an issue. men with this kind of baggage aren't ready for a new love and is selfish. i did it and believe me, i wish to GOD someone would have given me this advice. that being said, when a woman wants to marry a man regardless of the red flags, i would advise you and he come to an understanding on how finances are going to be handled. if you "let him work through it the best way he can", without your input, you'll regret it.
I was just discussing this
I was just discussing this very topic today. Cocoa and wayinovermyhead both make valid points. Being with a man who has financial problems from a previous marriage certainly complicates things, but as for me, I'm not willing to say straight out the gate that it's a red flag. Given the state of the economy in the US over the past six years, lots of people have "financial messes" - from divorces, the housing market crash, student loans, lay offs... maybe even all of the above. I can't (speaking for me) discount a person just because of their financial history.
However, I would find it prudent, if I were in your shoes, to be knowledgable about everything concerning his finances, and vice versa. Does this mean you get to make decisions and tell him what to do? No. But you shouldn't be left in the dark either. The best thing for a woman to do in any relationship is to arm herself with as much information as possible. A relationship is a contract. You need to know what you are signing up for.