Am I Overreacting????
Help!! I am a very new SM (just married 3 months ago) and I don't know how to deal with this situation.
I just discovered that my 13yo SD has a navel ring that her biomom took her to get months ago when she was only 12. Is it just me or is that completely innappropriate?? And, my husband doesn't know anything about it, should I tell him or just let it go?
Biomom also bought SD a Playboy Bunny "Sexy Babe" t-shirt that my husband banned and told her to return. She still has the shirt, just doesn't wear it when she is with us.
She is only 13!!! I just see this as the first step down a long, difficult road through her teens. Mom is a former stripper with an 17yo daughter from one man and a 4yo from yet another man. Older girl is a high school dropout and has already been pregnant once. I love my SD and don't want to see her go down the same path as her mother and sister. What do I do??
- newsm's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Been there sort of
Well, I have been there sort of. My bf's son was listening to some very very adult music and he just turned 13. I told my boyfriend in private what his son was listening to and even let him hear it. I also explained to him how nervous I was because I felt like I was stuck in the middle. He was really glad that I told him. He let a few days go by and talked to his son about it and the ex. I dont know what all was said b/c I wasnt there. But since then we havent had a problem with his music choice. Also his son hasnt ever come up and said "I know you told my dad." If I were to do it all over again I wouldn't do anything different. If he finds out that you knew about it, then it will cause problems btwn you two. I hope this helps.
That's a tough one, mom is a
That's a tough one, mom is a former stripper and all. I guess the constant battling w/mom about display and discipline will continue because mom doesn't follow what you all are suggesting to her. I myself wouldn't allow such a thing, poor child. I hope the child has his/her own views and be smarter than mom to make the right decisions. I would tell your husband about the navel ring.
Parental Examples...
I agree with the other comments...tell the husband. What would be worse than the SD finding out you told your husband is having HIM found out that you knew and didnt tell him. I kind of understand your situation... my SD's biomom is NO role model. My husband and I have dicussed this many times. All we can do is provide a better example when she is with us, show her how WE love her, teach her repect and HOPEFULLY through us she will see that there are other ways, better ways, that people act/interact. My advise to you is to always be there for her...and hopefully she will see that there is another way.
Hope this helps. good luck.
I hope it is enough...
I am so glad I found this forum!! I really appreciate all of the helpful advice and it is good (?) to know that there are other SMs going through the same thing.
My SD is a good kid and we have a great relationship right now, I am just starting to dread the teen years more and more especially since mom doesn't set any boundaries.
I am going to tell my husband about the belly ring. There isn't much we can do about it now, but at least he'll be prepared when biomom takes her to get a tatoo or starts buying cigarettes for her! It is a sad situation, I just hope that we can give her enough positive influence in the time she spends with us to keep her out of trouble.
in response to "I hope it is enough..."
I was just reading your response and it reminded me of something...
From the description of the Stripper Biomom, it seriously sounds like the smoking and tatoo thing may happen. When I was the SD, I was able to live with my dad and StepMom, my Biomom and StepDad would let me smoke at 15 on visits. My dad and Stepmom decided that since I was sneaking and smoking there and was at my biomoms that they would cave and let me. I jsut recently discussed this with my Stepmother and she wishes they hadnt done that. And so do I. So, if and when this situation happens. or anything like that happens: Don't cave. I know this is easier said than done, but your SD will see this as a good thing in the future and know that you looked out for her best interest.
PS> my biomom also took me to get a tattoo, but at least when I was 18.
Best Wishes,
Happily
I really appreciate the feedback
I really appreciate the feedback. I am afraid the tatoo/smoking thing may come to pass too. When my husband confronted biomom with the piercing her reasoning was "She would do it anyway", so I am sure drinking, smoking, tatoos, additional piercings, adult "boyfriends" will all come too soon and with mom's blessing(or encouragement).
She really just needs someone to give her some boundaries and biomom is too busy trying to be her best friend instead.
I know there isn't anything I can do about what she does at her mom's, I just don't want her to end up in a bad situation regretting how her life turned out.
I am so glad I come here and vent and see that I am not the only one going through these trials.
You should tells your
You should tells your husband. Because if and when he finds out that you knew and didn't say anything it might cause problems.