Lots of stuff to share!!
Hi!! It has been a couple of days full of interesting stuff to share. First off, BM called DH last week to inform him that she has enrolled SD7 in a travel soccer team. Both SD's play Spring & Fall soccer, they are in dance and gymnastics and participate in several other things throughout the year. You would think that would be enough. DH decided that he would not have anything to do with this travel team - if any games fell on our weekends, then BM would have to come pick her up and take her herself. Well then BM calls again to let us know that practices have been schedule for SUNDAYs at 4:00. That's just ridiculous. We spend every night of the week that we have them running all over town getting them to their various practices. Then we spend just about all day on Saturday at the soccer field. DH told BM that he would not be taking SD7 to any practices on Sunday. That is our time to spend together, PERIOD. So we checked our e-mail this weekend and BM's husband sent an e-mail to DH! I could not believe it. This is what it said:
I have no idea how to even begin this e-mail. BM just called me and told me you won’t take SD7 to her practices on your weekend, nor will you let us pick her up and take her. I assume your reasoning revolves around your desire to spend time with them (which I completely understand).
However, don’t you think going to soccer practice, helping her become a better player, and even being involved in the practices whenever you can is one of the best ways you could ever spend time with her? She has been genuinely excited about being on this team since we found out about it last September. She’s asked on and off since then about when it was going to start. There will only be 7 or 8 players on this team. Given the competitive nature of the State Games and the fact she was selected to be on this team, if she’s not at the practices, she won’t play. The coach, I’m sure, wants to have the 7 or 8 best players he can find, but also has to know they are going to be there. He chose SD7 as one of those 7 or 8 and it really tickled us and her. I really wish you would reconsider and not take away this opportunity from her.
I realize you’re busy this time of year. We all get busy now and then. We’ll take care of whatever practices or games she has if you’re unwilling or unable to do so. In fact, you could even use the time SD7's at practice as your time alone with SD10 that we had discussed earlier. I’m just personally asking you to allow her this experience. The same can be said for SD10 coming up in about a month or so. BM and I really think she’s got a strong shot at making the Select team. I hope you’ll be willing to let her go for that goal of hers, as well.
I'm sorry, but isn't that sort of insulting? It's almost like he is telling DH how he should parent his children. I'm sorry, but my DH is one of the best daddys in the world and this guy, who is 28 and has no children at all, has no right telling my DH how he should be spending time with his children. What if I had sent an e-mail like that to BM??? She would have my head on a platter! Anyway, back to the story...so last night, the phone rings at it's BM. She asks DH if she can come over and talk about this soccer thing. He said no because we had company (my parents were visiting). So after the folks left, DH & I sat down together and discussed the situation and decided to jointly send an e-mail. This is what it said:
First of all, you say that this team is something that SD7 has been genuinely excited about since September; however she has not mentioned one word about it to us, ever. The first we heard about this team was last week when BM called. When we asked SD7 about it, she didn't have much to say except that she wanted to be on the team because one of her friends was going to be on it. We see nothing wrong with the girls being involved in activities, but does it ever end? They are involved in dance, soccer, gymnastics and numerous other activities throughout the year. When do they ever get time to just be kids? That is very important to us. We don't want their lives to be consumed by sports. We are a family unit, and we like to do things together when we have the girls. We already spend so much time during the week (on our days) running them to all of their practices, then spend pretty much all day on Saturday at soccer games. We refuse to do it on Sundays, too. That is our time together as a family - we like to have their friends over, play outside in the yard, go shopping, whatever we want. And now that it's getting warmer, we'll be making more weekend trips to the beach - we are not going to break our necks to get back on Sunday afternoon for these practices.
If we happen to be home on a Sunday afternoon and nothing else is going on, we don't have a problem with you coming to pick her up and taking her to practice, but we are not, and will not, commit to anything. We feel that the girls are involved in enough as it is and they get all the practice and coaching they need by playing Spring & Fall soccer, as well as the various camps they attend during the summer. The additional teams that you have pumped them up about are excessive. They have improved tremendously over the past couple of years just playing for the rec. We want the girls to be happy, but as parents, we have the authority to draw the line when we see necessary - we are drawing it on our side.
If SD10 makes the Select team that she intends to try out for, then that's great and we will support her, but again, it will be your responsibility to take her to any games. If the practices fall on a Sunday, then everything that we've stated above will apply to her as well. We are not trying to be difficult, but we feel very strongly about this and no matter what you try to do to plead your case, you are not going to persuade us to change our minds.
This e-mail should cover it all, there really isn't a need for us to all "sit down" and discuss the matter any further.
DH & New Stepmom
We felt that this e-mail really stated how we felt and got the point across. DH is at the beach today fishing and his cell phone doesn't work, so I've been dying all day to know if she has called and left him a nasty message, or if our inbox at home has a response sitting in it. I get back from lunch, and look at the e-mail I have sitting in my work computer from BM:
Hello New Stepmom –
As unhappy as I am about the email that you and DH sent last night, I had made up my mind this morning that I was going to extend the olive branch and that’s what I’m going to do.
It really bothers me that we can’t all seem to act civil to one another and I’m going to put forth the effort to change that. I know the girls think it’s odd that the four of us don’t speak to each other at soccer games or other activities, I certainly do.
I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be speaking from now on, so you wouldn’t be shocked. I mean, other mothers and step-mothers get along, I don’t see any reason why we can’t try to do the same. Whether or not compromise is ever in the cards, civility will be… on my part, at least. :jawdrop:
I am floored! I mean, this is the first sign of "nice" that I have ever gotten out of her. Could she be coming around? I sure hope so. God knows I get tired of the never-ending drama and always feeling so stressed about our situation.
Sorry for the drawn out post, but please let me know your thoughts! And I'll post my response to her e-mail in a little bit.