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Here we go Again!

Islamorada's picture

You know I don't think that there is anything wrong with having your kids in extra ciricular activites like sports and such..but I think there needs to be a limit and the child has to actaully want to do it. What is the deal with parents signing their kids up for stuff just so they can be team moms and team dads and say my kid plays such and such. The BM in my life signed my SD up for soccer (were already done with that thank god) and now she has signed her up for T-ball in the spring, along with her normal tumbling and dance. We had to spend every Saturday that we had her at a soccer game surronded by the BM and her flock of friends and family giving us the evil eyes and whispers (not too fun). I'm all for my SD having fun and getting excercise, but I think this stuff is more for the mom than it is for the child. I mean my SD doesn't even wanna go to these things she would rather play...(she does like winning trophies though) She at one point named off all the things that her mom was signing her up for and I said wow thats alot of stuff, and she said yea I don't know when I'll have time to play. Oh and did I forget to mention that mmy SD is 5! Shes done tumbling, dance, soccer, swimming lessons, and now T-ball..and there is talks of Karate coming up. I mean is there a limit! Cause I'm starting to think that some of these activites are desgined for the BM to put herslef and her little controlling finger in our weekend. It takes up our whole Saturday and its easy for BM cause she gets so much time with her, too us its a major hit on the little time that we have with her. What should we do?

Comments

melis070179's picture

Well why is she allowed to sign her up for things that will interfere with your guys visitation? If its your weekend to have her, I wouldn't take her! She can't dictate how you spend your time with SD

now4teens's picture

It's not like she's going to be traumatized for life if she misses a couple of times. At this rate, the kid's going to be mentally "fried out" by the time she gets into elementary school, for cripes' sake!

What does your DH say about the excessive activity schedule?

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

BMJen's picture

And in all of that? Wow. She's right, when will she have time to play? I feel bad for her. And for you and your H. In my DD it says that activities either have to be agreed upon, or cannot interfer with visitation. Maybe you should talk with your H and see about making some changes there.

Islamorada's picture

Yea my husband hates it too. And hes decided to tell het (the BM) that if we have other plans for that weeked shes going to miss a game. I'm just tired of her signing her up for everything then convincing herself that my SD wants to play so bad and its only because my SD says what she knows her mom wants to hear...and thats understandable...she just wants to please everyone..and the BM is to wrapped up with being team mom to notice. And then the BM acts like were trying to hold SD back cause were such bad parents:) Of course

Most Evil's picture

Who pays for all this?!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Tara12's picture

I want to know who is paying for all of this. Also if it interferes with your time this needs to be cut down. That is way too much for a 5 year old.

Rags's picture

They would come to our home or go to my parents home and just pass out. We would ask what they wanted to do for the weekend and they would invariably answer "Can we just stay here and relax". They would read books, play with Lego's, help cook dinner, play with the bird, and take several naps every day they were with us or my parents. If my parent, wife or I were sitting on the couch or a chair one of them would crawl in to a lap and curl up to have their heads rubbed or backs scratched.

We would play board games or just veg. Eventually as they got older they finally each told their dad (my bro) that mom signed them up for too much stuff and they wanted some down time. Eventually my S-I-L got the idea and toned it down a bit. The kids are still in a variety of sports but they no longer are in select leagues that play year around.

I definitely agree that BM should not be able to dictate what you do with your time with the kids. Including having you take them to sports leagues that she commits them to.

Good luck and best regards,

Islamorada's picture

We pay 720 a month in CS and pay half her medical bills and half of school uniforms extra...but we do not out right pay for those activites...but we do get chewed out all the time that we don't pay for "extras" in her life. That a good father would pay for "extras" so his child could have the best of everything and on and on...My thought is that that money that we pay every month goes for food, clothes,toys etc..the essentials for the child, and then if she has those covered than yea pay for some extras like extra ciricular activites. And if the BM can not afford to put her in all these activites well then don't...live with in your means thats my thing. The BM and my husband have the same profession and are probally making around the same, her a little less becasue of there positions but supposdly her new husband is making 3x what my husband is (shes brags):) well then why should we be hounded for every dime about these activites...the BM is major one that wants SD to be in these things than you pay for them. And we will save our money for the extras that we want to spend on the SD when she is with us. Thats the way I see it.

stepmasochist's picture

. . . if SD wanted to do this, but it seems she doesn't. Just ask SD if she minds missing her soccer game now and then and see what she says. That is if there's nothing that says you're required to ferry her to all this crap.
My SD9 begged for two years to play soccer and it all fell on the lazy deaf ears of BM. Finally, after discussing it with her dad, I signed her up myself. When it came time to tell BM, she was refusing to answer the phone because it was us, so SD9 answered and her dad said, "I got you in to soccer, do you want to play?" so naturally, she immediately turns to BM and goes "mom! mom! can I play soccer?" of course BM couldn't say no then. I wouldn't dare keep SD from going to a game she loves it so much. Of course, BM is taking all the credit and enjoying being a "soccer mom" but she can have it. I know how much it benefits SD and how much enjoyment she's getting from it.
My next goal, getting SD7 in dance. She desperately wants to do that and again, BM can't be bothered. But luckily, BM's petty and can't be shown up by dad or me so if I sign her up . . .