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naturegirl_88's picture

So I am new here, long time lurker, first time poster. But anywho, this will be a bit long, as so I can get my background out there a bit, here is my story:
I'm 27 years old, and I've been with my boyfriend, whom is 29, for 5 years and counting now, though I've been in his and his kids' lives since the youngest wasn't even old enough to walk yet. I have SD9 going-on 10, and SS7.
Over-all I get along with my SD fairly well, I wouldn't say I'm particularly close with either of them but between the two of them I certainly find her company to be tolerable. She can be a bit clingy at times but her father sees that behavior as excessive and is working on it with her.
SS on the other hand, gets under my skin every. single. weekend. I feel he is developing into a person whose personality nowhere near reflects my boyfriend's or my own. He may be the spitting image of his father, but they are like night and day. He is his mother's son, spoiled, lazy, ungrateful, and absolutely HATES everything we offer him to eat over here. We try to be as active outdoors as possible, and all he ever does is complain about how "boring" our activities are, preferring to sit on the couch and play X-Box. (Although the X-Box has been broken, so he's SOL because we aren't replacing it, LOL).
I think the resentment I feel really didn't hit until my boyfriend and I moved in together 2 and a half years ago. Yeah sure, I'd go see him and his kids on the weekends (he gets them EVERY weekend, save for a few here and there), and we'd all hang out, play, laugh and have fun, yada yada yada, piece of cake... but boy is it different when the weekends spend aren't in a 3rd party location like my boyfriend's old living arrangements, but now weekends are spent in MY place. I didn't realize I took for granted that I always had the option to go home if I wasn't feeling it and have my sanctuary all to myself. Now my sanctuary is gone because there is nowhere for me to go to escape if I'm stressed. My home is not my home, at least not on the weekends it isn't.
I find myself with each passing weekend having a harder and harder time dealing with it. Sometimes I feel very foolish for thinking I could manage letting them live at my house on the weekends, it's only 3 days out of the week, how hard could it be, right? Man is it different when it's YOUR house. I don't even like kids, never have, but I thought I could try to change that part of me, seeing as I am head over heels for my boyfriend, and still am to this day.
I know I don't have it as difficult as most others do, my boyfriend is mostly supportive of them being respectful and following my house rules, but man is it true when they say you truly don't know what you're getting yourself into until it's too late.

Comments

WTF...REALLY's picture

Welcome.

It's going to get even harder, especially since you are not into kids.

Hope it all works out.

naturegirl_88's picture

Thank you, bummer, because I was hoping it would get EASIER as they get older. Not sure if that's delusional thinking or not lol! I am hopeful though, while not superclose, my relationship with SD10 has been improving as she ages and gains maturity. ..

silversong's picture

I definitely understand how you feel. I get along pretty well with my SS, but we also get him every weekend. It's perfectly reasonable and I would never ask DH to reduce his visitation but it is tiring.

My advice would be to make plans on the weekend with friends or family so you can get away. I feel a little guilty doing that now that we have DS so I don't do it much, but it's necessary for me every now and then.

naturegirl_88's picture

Let's see, double check on the wine! Wink Biggrin
I try to get out on the weekends with some girlfriends pretty regularly, only problem is BF tends to get a bit jealous.. He says it doesn't bother him but he gets very passive-aggressive the day after I have an outing and I can just tell it bothers him that I get to go out and he doesn't. Don't get me wrong, I don't let that stop me, but it's hard to let go of at-home stresses when I have grumpy cat to come home to LOL.

mommaneedstovent's picture

Just wait until the first skid decides that they don't want to live with BM and want to live with daddy full time. :O