You are here

To marry or not to marry a man with a child?

mstorn's picture

Hi everyone. I found this website after months of searching for advise from people in my situation. I have been struggling for a while now in silence. Confused,stressed and frustrated. I've been with my fiancé for almost 7 years and until recently, I wanted to marry him for sure and was completely fine with the fact that he has a 9yr old daughter. But something has switched in me...I met my SD when she was 4 and her and I were inseperable. I'm pretty young and Dont have any children of my own and never married. I've put all wedding plans on hold indefinitely because I'm scared And confused. I know I love him very very much. It makes me nervous to even write this..I dread when SD comes over. I never thought I'd feel this way EVER!! I know what I'm going through is normal, but my question love enough? Will I regret marrying a man with a child? Will it get better? I've been wanting what I've been seeing all around me. A happy family unit(bm, bf and BC). I'll never have that with my df. His ex controls our life's, df never has money for us since His child support is so high so i end up paying for most of everything. Everything has been piling up and resentment has set in. I love him but I Dont think its enough anymore. What advise do you have if you've married a man or woman with kids. Did u find love again after you broke up? Are you better off now? Do u regret staying? I can't get married if I feel this way right?

I've told my df recently about how I feel and ever since then he's been using it againat me. For ex:if my SD does something I don't like and I comment about it, he takes it personally because he thinks I have a personal grudge against her. Which isn't true at all. I do more than I think I should for her but he gets defensive. He makes lots of promises and never delivers. Ugh I'm so confused!


Elizabeth's picture

No. Go. If I had to do it again, I would NOT marry a man with kids. Yes, we are still together but the road was so damn (unnecessarily) rocky, it was ridiculous. Sometimes love is NOT enough, and a marriage doesn't solve the problems.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Do not enter into a blended family situation. Things can get better but it may never be what you want it to be. You feel like you have no say it a huge part of your life and it doesn't end when the kid turns 18.

Living the dream's picture

Don't do it.

It really is not worth it. Please listen to people who have done this before you. No matter how great this guy is, he is not great enough to overcome having already spawned with someone else.

Already having children is a fatal flaw in a potential partner.