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O/T but I need some advice...

msc1120's picture

Submitted by msc1120 on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 11:26am

So, my stepmom called me just earlier and asked me if I would be interested in staying with my grandmother at night from Sunday to Thursday (her and my aunts would pay me). On one hand it would be a way for me to move on and not think about DH and I splitting up so much and get on with my life. On the other I love my grandmother and would have no problem taking care of her at night I just feel that right now I wouldn't be able to give her the attention and care that she needs and deserves (she's 83, diabetic, has slight dementia, and is unable to move around by herself very much). I know I sound so heartless because she needs care, my stepmom has been staying with her at night and on the weekends she stays with one of my aunts and I know its hard on them, especially my stepmom because her and my dad live next door and she's left with all the care giving. I just don't know what to do. Any advice would me much appreciated.

Comments

Bubbly1's picture

Submitted by Bubbly1 on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 11:42am

Sorry to hear about you and Dh splitting. ((Hugs))

That being said, this sounds like an opportunity to spend some time with your Grandma before she passes. My Dh and I did the same for his 84 year old "Mema" before she passed. I've never regretted that time with her!
Being worried you won't be able to give her the love and care she'll need is normal. It also means you will be more conscious of whether or not you are giving her the proper care. It will also keep you to busy to think about Dh. It seems like a win/win, IMO.

Anywho78's picture

Submitted by Anywho78 on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 11:43am

Hi MSC. I would personally take your SM up on the offer for a number of reasons...the first & foremost being that your family needs your help right now. I would want to spend any time I could with my elderly GM & caring for her would also be a way to keep your mind occupied.

You may feel that you won't be able to give your GM the care she needs, but I think that (for me personally), caring for someone like that would take my mind off of other things going on in life & motivate me to give all of the love & care I could. For me though, it would also be a form of escaping the reality of my life & I would use that time to "not think" so to speak.

I'm sorry that your GM isn't well & that you are having a hard time.

My thoughts are with you, either way.

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 12:48pm

Take care of your grandmother. Cherish the time.

I drove an hour a day after work for a month when we had to put my grandmother in a nursing home. I hated seeing her there. But there was no choice and not my decision. You always take care of family. She took care of me as a child. I took care of her as an elderly person getting her to church and the store and then made sure she had what she wanted and needed in the nursing home. And when the time came I carried her to her resting place as a palbearer.

Put her energy into her - it can help you heal.

Vichychoisse's picture

Submitted by Vichychoisse on Sat, 12/31/2011 - 1:57pm

Agreed. Although the timing is not ideal, the time with her will surely not only help her and your stepmom but help you to put things in perspective. Caring for and spending time with a person who is nearing the end of their life will make you want to enjoy your own all the more.

Also, make sure your stepmom knows how grateful you are for all the help!