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I am Aunt Zipper

MrsZipper's picture

YSD had her baby. DH went by himself to the hospital because he said they were trying to limit visitors. DDs wanted to face time DH and see the baby and say hi to YSD. When we called, SS picked up and showed us DH holding the baby and then panned around the room so everyone could say hi...and all of the parents and siblings were at the hospital.

Now the names - DH is Grandpa, BM is Grandma. YSDs MIL and FIL are Nana and Papa. SF is Zaide. OSD and SS and SSIL's siblings have nicknames. Everyone else is Aunt or Uncle. SSILs college roommate and wife are aunt and uncle. Family friends are aunts and uncles. YSDs neighbors are aunts and uncles. BMs housekeeper is aunt. DDs are aunts. And I am an aunt.

I don't know how to feel about this. It's fine for DDs because as half sisters to YSD they are actually Aunts to this baby. As for me, better than being called by just my first name I guess? I've said it before and I will say it again - grandkids are going to do more to highlight the separation between our families than bring us closer together.

Comments

mommadukes2015's picture

My SS started calling my mom Aunt because every time he went to say her name he would say "aunt" and then spitter and sputter until I told him-"If you wanna call her Aunt T just call her Aunt T."

I think it's super cute and totally special. What is in a name anyway? That kid will not lose any love for you because of it.

ESMOD's picture

Honestly, they did you a favor not having you there. Would you really want to spend time with BM...? I didn't go to hospital when my OSD had her baby. Didn't go to showers.. (was invited). Just sent a gift and regrets.

MollyBrown's picture

My kids call the close non relative adults in their lives auntie. It's a sign of affection and respect.

ETexasMom's picture

I'm only grandma when they want something. Any other time the Steps refer to me by my name to the SGKs.

ldvilen's picture

Oh, Shiatsu! You are dad's wife or grand-dad's wife and they are going around referring to you as Aunt Zipper. How asinine and in denial can you get. Let's continue confusing the H- out of these children and acting like the divorce never happened well into the next generation.

I'd rather be called Grand-dad's Ho then Aunt Zipper. Maybe the grand-kids will grow up thinking grand-dad married his sister at some point, who knows. All of this stupidity further confirms my decision to remain semi-disengaged. I've been married 17 years too, and my DH can go and hang out with his ex- and kids/GKs all he wants and play denial games with them. Tho., it would be rare he would want to. His choice, tho. I just know I won't be there, and I'll be the better for it.

WalkOnBy's picture

well, that's just rude.

As you might remember, I am a new grandma. Everyone who acts in a parental fashion gets a grandparent name.

I am Mimi. My husband is Papa. Asshat is Grandpa P and Money-ka is babi (a czech nickname for grandma)

Over on my SIL's side, his mom is Belle and his dad is Pop Pop.

I would be hurt if I were you. I am sorry Sad

Tomatoe's picture

She isn't the servent for these adult children. She tends to be their guest more than anything.

MrsZipper's picture

Guest is a very appropriate way to put it actually. OSDs wedding invitation could arrive and be addressed to Mr. Zipper and Guest and that would sum up how I feel sometimes. DHs plus-one, completely nameless and interchangeable. Wouldn't make a difference to skids who the guest was, but it's polite to let him bring someone. That's what bothers me about Aunt. It's nameless and general.

Tomatoe's picture

You don't care for your step kids and you hate how they are an imposition to you so why do you care what their kids call you. They are polite to you which is all that should be asked of them when you feel the way you do towards them.

MrsZipper's picture

I was thinking about a nickname that is a play on my name. I know I won't get Grandma anything and that's fine. But aunt seems like such a nothing catch all.

ESMOD's picture

The one I know is in her late 80's... still drives and she is a character for sure. I think being an interesting ZIP beats being one of many boring grandparents. You get to choose how your role is defined.

notasm3's picture

Since I've removed myself from SS and his GF's lives their little love nugget can refer to me as Mrs. xxxx should the need ever arise. Which I doubt as I have no intention of ever seeing any of them again.

But those two pieces of trash will probably teach a 2 year old to refer to me as "the bitch".

strugglingSM's picture

I imagine if my SSs ever have children that I'll be called by my name. Their stepdad, if he's still around, will likely be called grandpa. Who knows what DH will be called.

Dovina's picture

So now you are lumped in the same category as "aunt", how flipping special.
Will that change your mind about going to the "Fantasy Island" wedding?
What does DH say? Also there sure were a lot of people at the Royal birth. But no room for you? Which is a blessing in disguise.
So sorry you have this continuous nightmare with the royals.

notasm3's picture

SS32's babymamma delivered about 6 weeks early (both were heavy smokers and drinkers) so we were out of state when she delivered. So no hospital waiting issues there.

notarelative's picture

SG kids call me by my first name. When oldest was born I went to the hospital and step son-in-law informed me that his child had only two grandparents, his mom and DH (other bio grandparents are dead).

I didn't say a word. I came home and thought about it and decided I'd give them what they want. If they don't want me to be a grandparent, then I won't be, and I won't do any of the grandparent things. I don't buy gifts. I don't sign cards. I don't babysit as step SIL told me they only let relatives watch their children. (Although SD once told me, when they were desperate for a sitter, I could babysit as they'd let people they know well do so. I declined as I wouldn't want them to compromise their values)

Letting go of my disappointment and resentment has been quite freeing. I am polite when they are here. Although I do tend to treat them more like students in a classroom than grandchildren. I have no problem saying "in this house we..." when correcting an unacceptable behavior.

I told DH that what the kids call me is their parent choice and I know he can't change it. However, if he referred to me as first name to the kids when they were here I'd immediately leave the house. So he doesn't. It's amazing how he avoids my first name in conversation with the kids. The oldest thought my name was "she" and called me "she" until four when one of the parents actually realized what was happening. I actually would rather be "she" than first name. First name, to me, makes me more like one of grandpa's live in lower servants (as in Victorian England).

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

So sad..the disrespect. Can they call you Ms(your first name) ? Better than she.

I have no relationship with my DH three daughters. He has four grandchildren ...two that I have never met. It just occurred to me that he also has a step grandson that he never mentions when telling people how many GKids he has. Yet he does give a small gift at Christmas to the boy. Nothing for birthday I think.

Holidays are coming. Must make a plan to deal with it all.

notsobad's picture

What does Mr Zipper say about all this?

Did you say anything to them about being called Aunt and not some form of Grandma?
I think I'd be telling them no, I'm not Aunt Zipper, I'm Grandads wife and your Auntie's Mom.
And disengaging in a big bad way.

still learning's picture

At least the DD's are Aunts and not referred to as half-aunt or something terrible. This is an example of how we teach and mold children to accept or exclude people in their lives. Calling you Aunt and DH Grandpa may be a bit confusing to the kids as they grow up. They may even slip up and call you Grandma on occasion. The kids may come up w/their own variation and you can also ask them to call you something else, a variation of your first name would be fine as long as it doesn't compete w/BM's holy granny status. I'd say "Aunt sounds so formal call me Zippie (or whatever)."

hereiam's picture

How rude. I do not necessarily want to be grandma to my SD's kids, but I am most certainly not their aunt. My DH would set his daughter straight about that, right away.

This is just plain disrespect to you as your husband's wife, no matter how the step kids feel about you. My sisters and I have not always had the best relationship with my dad's wife (not the worst, either), but she is Grandma to all of my nieces and nephews. I have no bios but if I did, she would be Grandma, regardless of my personal feelings about her.

But, this is what your husband allows. He thinks letting his kids get away with this crap and not setting them straight proves what? That he loves them? My dad loves me but there's no way in hell he would allow me to treat his wife the way your step kids treat you. And my own SD would never dream of it, she knows where that would get her.

Your step kids truly are rude, entitled, spoiled little brats and guess whose fault that is?

DH went by himself to the hospital because he said they were trying to limit
visitors.

Let's face it, they were trying to limit ONE visitor, you. And again, your husband went along with it. Shameful.

Gimlet's picture

You know, hereiam, we hear "but they are his kids" quite a bit around here.

Every asshole you'll ever meet has two parents and it doesn't make them special.

hereiam's picture

Right? Everybody is somebody's kid, so we can all just act like jerks?