A new day.
Good morning ladies (and the occasional male)
Well, today is a new day, and I'm feeling alot better even though this morning held it's fair share of drama. BM is threating to take visitation from us again, because she tried to start the drama again and he told her to f*ck off again.
Now he is in a place where he doesnt even want to fight it. Says maybe it's for the best so she won't grow up in the middle of all of this.
There's no talking to him when he's like this either, I just have to ride it out.
She is so petty, I just really don't get why she feels the need to do this. I mean, I have been standing there when he's told her to bug off, he loves me, theres no chance.... and yet she still tries to find way to push us apart. What does she think is going to happen if she does that? DH and I both tell each other we have never felt so balanced and complete as we do with each other, so I know, I just know that even if she did succeed in breaking us apart, he would never go back to her. It's just those moments of doubt that creep in and knock you off your feet. And the worst is when something happens and then you're apart all day long and can't even comfort each other.
Now I feel like it's my fault he can't see her because I'm the one that made a big deal of what was obviously an attempt to upset us. And it worked.
- Monica's blog
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Comments
It's not your fault
she sounds like the kind of person that is just miserable to be around. She is probaly insanely jealous of you and the fact that your relationship with him is working and hers didn't. It's sad but divide and conquer is really true. I have experienced it myself from the BM and my MIL actually. You have to realize you are a normal person reacting to an abnormal situation-I mean when someone intentionally and consistently makes you uncomforable and causes you stress it is reasonable to get upset about it. But YOU are the one he loves and chooses to spend his life with-not her. So keep your head up and don't let others peoples insecurites and personal problems come between you and him.
You are so very right. She
You are so very right. She has openly admitted to being jealous of me, and what makes me so mad at myself is that I know this and I still let it cause fights between he and I. I know better than that, but ugh it's so hard. We even decided we are getting rid of cell phones, so that she doesn't have that connect to him, and theres one less thing for us to be upset about. I know pissedoffinNC did the same thing with her DH, cell phones gone. It may actually save a lot of fighting for us, alot of insecurity.
I will keep my head up if I have to nail a 2x4 to the back of my neck.
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
PRETTY UGLY !!!!!!
Pretty is as pretty does. I bet when she takes off her make-up, she can't stand to look in the mirror, that is why she wants to make everyone else feel bad, because she feels bad/ugly. And she is probably thinking the same thing about you, She's so pretty, and that p's her off.
First of all, hubby is with you, not her. My hubby also takes the attitude at times why fight it. I usually want justification for the way I feel, my hubby is not the person I get it from. His thinking is of coarse black/white, I tend to see all the colors inbetween. Find your justification within yourself (or here). You own your feelings, they are real. Now, ask yourself why are you feeling this way? You did not give her the permission to make you feel this way, did you? NO.
Don't let her ruin your day, it will gall her the most when she knows she hasn't got to ya. Happiness is contagious. FEEL IT - I KNOW YOU CAN ! No way she can come between you two if you don't allow it.
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
Well, I said pEtty... she
Well, I said pEtty... she certainly isnt pretty LOL ... but I still love your post, cuz it's oh so true
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
My FH was courted by the ex
and I feel ya Monica, I know that he would not go back with her but sometimes I feel that if his "guilty dad syndrome" really kicks in he would go back just for the kids..he says no way but still. Anyway try to see her as she is small petty insecure and see you strong positive and you have the HUBBY!!!
I FEEL IT!
and it's lovely
You know I just got a call from him saying that the two of them talked and she's freaking that he's going to get legal visitation rights now since she keeps threatening him, and he refuses to answer the phone anymore. I love Karma. I think I'll name our first child after it.
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
KARMA LOL KEEP UP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR
He probably will, is that such a big deal? Tell him to tell her that from now on their phone conversations will be recorded and that will stop with the threats. It is legal to record a conversation as long as the person has been warned in advance. That'll Learn Ya!
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!
I won
Been doing this for awhile now and in my opinion it all boils down to one thing with BM....She wants to say "I was right all along...you're horrible people" or "I win" no matter to her that the kids are really the ones who lose.
Moni...
Ugh. Hon, I just want to tell you that it seems to me that you have TOO MUCH on your plate. I think you have one foot in the door of an insane asylum. I've been through a lot of what you're dealing with. But I did it over a course of eight years. You're dealing with a thousand issues compiled all in a moment. You are going through your own nasty divorce with a very selfish man which is one of the hardest situations in life. Then you have a BF who has an unreasonable EW. A nasty BM with jealousy issues is hard to deal with when you are of SOUND MIND. Most of us around here feel the clouds rollin' in and the rain dripping on our lives , but sweety - it's pouring where you're at! Where can you find relief?!?!
I'm very serious when I say that you need to find some sort of outlet to alleviate this stress you have on a day to day basis. I know that love conquers all....but is this all worth it? SO where does he end and you begin? I just think you need to focus on YOU instead of worrying so much about all of your BFs problems and this BM business. It just doesn't seem fair. Who gets to take care of Monica?
I say this because I am a brut of a woman and I have been a survivor of many a things....but this stepparenting business is by far one of the most difficult.
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Oops....
Got click happy...
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
I just dont get
how people can be so uncaring about how their children feel in all of this bullshit. I mean seriously.
She wants him back. That's the main cause of all of this, and its been told to us in more ways than one. She feels that she has the history, she has the child, I'm new and can be tossed, and I'm sleeping where she should be sleeping. but thing is, even before we got together, their relationship was garbage.. on again off again, constant fighting and just awful.... when he met me they hadnt spoken in months. It's when she found out that he had met and fell in love with me that she started going nutso. Phone calls texts stopping at the house for no reason at all. And because she can't have him, she puts all of her rejection and anger feelings on her daughter and expects her to act the same way. She doesnt care that her daugther loves DH and loves spending time with him. Doesnt care that SD has really taken to me and the girls and has told us and BM that she WANTS to spend time with us. All she cares about is getting her way, hurting DH when she doesnt get her way, and making SD follow in her footsteps.
I like what you said about telling her everything will be recorded. That will def. stop her in her tracks. I just dont know if he'll actually do it.
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
Still Worried about You
BM is clearly a hardcase nut, and whatever happens, consider this -- because she has a child with your man, she will be a part of YOUR life FOREVER and EVER.
If I had thought long and hard about my DH's cuckoo ex, I admit, I would have probably decided to wait on someone whose baggage didn't come in size Extra-Crazy.
My DH's ex doesn't even talk to her BKs, who live with us. I guess from that point of view, I'm lucky, because she is no longer in the picture at all. I read in here about all the drama from BMs, and I think, "Well, at least I don't deal with THAT."
Oh, but I do! I'm now raising the children she abandoned! I pay for their counseling sessions and the other things that go with children who were traumatized for years! Instead of spending my mid-life taking trips with DH and enjoying time together as relative newlyweds, all my time goes toward riding herd on two teenage Skids with typical teenager attitudes and problems, not to mention the bonus issues!
Just remember - if your man's got baggage this big, you are going to end up handling it A LOT. A LOT. I've got the callouses to prove it. I hope that he kisses your butt three times a day and hangs on your every word. I hope he is absolutely the most kind, wonderful, and responsible man you've ever met, cuz he shhhhuuuuure better be worth the trouble. And there will be TROUBLE PLENTY.
(Sorry. I just can't help myself. Everytime I see someone headed where I went, I want to scream, "DON'T GO IN THERE!!! EEEEEIIIIIIAAAAAAAA!!!!!" It's like the slasher movies where the girl in the nightie ALWAYS goes in the dark attic when you are praying she won't!)
I have no idea how you did
I have no idea how you did it, because I know you were being serious, but you just made me laugh out loud with that. I am SO that dumb chick in the nighty running through the woods in flip flops thats trips over a leaf etc and so on lol.
Altho when I see someone else headed in that path I'm the first one screaming STOP!!!
I think I just always think I can handle it and then when I realize its too much Im in too deep. At this point, I am so taken and so deeply in love with FH, that I couldnt back out. I dont want to. that doesnt mean Im not scared to death of the future. Believe me I am. You guys better not tell anyone I said I was a-scared. You got it??? *shakes fists*
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
It's probably the Welbutrin talking
I owe my special brand of communication to humor and a new anti-depressant!
laugh and the world laughs with you
cuz if we dont laugh we will go stark raving mad!!
As far as advice to women who think about marrying men with exs and Bkds..... might as well marry the ex too....she will be there for better and worse and the kids are your ticket to heaven cuz if you get thru it the angels will give you a special invitation!!
I always pictured George of the Jungle..watch out for that tree!!!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
I could've written those words...
"At this point, I am so taken and so deeply in love with FH, that I couldnt back out. I dont want to. that doesnt mean Im not scared to death of the future."
Then two years later, here I am wondering at what point along the way that I completely lost my mind.....
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain."
Yikes.... I know I think
Yikes.... I know I think about that right this minute, but can't get myself to walk away from him. All he has to do is look at me and I'm freakin Country Crock.
On the other hand, my ex is getting married and I don't bug them. She's not lucky enough to marry me too LOL....
I wish everyone was more like us *sigh*
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
I am one to talk.
I am still with my guy too, cuz I do love him.. he makes me feel like cheese whiz when he looks at me and I know he knows what I am thinking
and my ex is remarried to a YOUNGER woman and I dont bug them at all!!!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
Lust is fun but...
Lust lasts 1-2 years, tops. RESPECT is FOREVER. Got to RESPECT the person absolutely for who they are and what they have to offer beyond the bedroom.
Hope this guy is hard-working and kind, in addition to melting your undies.
God, I sound like my mother.
But Mom was right about those bad boys. I had to learn the hard way a couple of times. I had a thing for long-haired musicians back in the day. Crazy, crazy stuff.
Nowdays, I love my steady-eddy for taking such good care of us. Beats the hell out of paying for some bum to warm the couch most of the day while I work my butt off. If the skids weren't in the picture, my life with DH would be sooooooo easy. For that short period when they didn't live with us, man, I NEVER had it so good! Ahhh the good old days!
I just need my DH to be more of a "selective jerk" -- you know. Still treat me like a queen, but turn into Darth Vader when the skids act up!
Why, oh why, do ALL of us (self included) insist on learning the HARD WAY???
lust and the good guy
He is a good guy just a dad with a very bad case of that guilty dad syndrome..oh and a teenage GODZILLA!! rrrawww rhawwww See my blog.
and he can still make me feel young and beautiful!! so other than that why should I complain right???? cuz when he is in BD mode I get nauseous----all the sweetness makes me dizzy...
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
You know that I deal with
You know that I deal with the same old shit all the time also, just this time she decided to give us a break and put an order out on my DH so he cant talk to her our their daughter... I know how you feel. I agree with stepwitch up there.. tell her that everything is being recorded.. and also give the texts to the judge and have DH tell the judge that this kind of harassment is going on that he will have no more of it.. its sexual harassment if you look at it. Giving him advances that are not welcome.. thats gonna look way freakin bad on her.
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine
I'm telling you.. I think we
I'm telling you.. I think we are the same person communicating across parallel universes or something lol ...
anyways, glad you're here but now I have to stop f*ckin around and actually work, blah.
How was your day today dear? haha
"It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black."
- Paul Newman
haha work? what? us???? LOL
haha work? what? us???? LOL j/k things are good with the new job.. I like it. The people I work with are good so far.. we will see the cat claws come out in due time Im sure.. bunch of ladies together.. LOL but its not always the case.. lets hope its not that bad. lol
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine