Stirring up my own trauma history
I am a therapist - so I know what is happening. But I feel powerless over it. My own childhood was less than pleasant, not Children's Services involement abusive, but that "self-esteem distroying" kind of childhood. I have raised my own boys successfully, and they are healthy, pretty much well adjusted young men. Now I am starting over with a little girl - and my own crap is getting triggered all over the place. I find myself thinking horrible things my mother used to say to me as a child, "Don't be so selfish." "You need to be patient." "Stop doing that you are not an animal." Yeah, sometimes they even come out of my mouth, much to my own horror. I find myself not wanting her around, and dreading her visits. I even find myself wondering how BD can love her so much....WTH? Of course he does, she is his daughter. I love this man with all my heart. I have got to get over this crap because I can't let my past distroy my future.
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Maybe you should get yourself
Maybe you should get yourself back into therapy for awhile to help you sort out your feelings. I'm glad you recognize them and want to do something about it, and it makes perfect sense that these feelings are being triggered by your current situation. Sending good thoughts your way!
You are right. I am
You are right. I am definately going to do that. Thank you.
M_D, welcome. In my
M_D, welcome.
In my experience, it took a lot of self-work to get over abusive mother issues so I could raise my own daughter in a healthy way. Add that dynamic to a step-situation, where SM's are usually held to a position of no authority, and no wonder its a charged situation for you. Hope you can get some help and find the safe space in yourself. Good luck!
Thank you. I really thought
Thank you. I really thought I was over my past, but it just keeps rearing its ugly head. I really appreciate the support.
well, sometimes we just need
well, sometimes we just need a little extra boost to get us through the new challenges. And just when you think you've got it smoothed out, there's another blip. I think it's mostly about us developing the navigation skills within ourselves. Decades of therapy got me to the place where I could give the eulogy at my mother's funeral and then face the upheaval that was the other side of her passing. Take good care of you, that's the journey!
Trauma is different for
Trauma is different for everyone. One person can experience something and have no lasting affects, another can experience the same event and suffer from it for life. There are Big T traumas (that clearly traumatic) and little t traumas that are inherently personal.
I am very lucky as my partner is very understanding and supportive. I am careful how I address my feelings. I try to own my feelings, but I know its hard for him to hear. He desperately wants us to be a "family".
Thanks for the support, it really helps.