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Torn in the middle...what to do?

MICHELLE5480's picture

Well, its been a rough start and a hard road so far. I met a wonderful man who swept me off my feet. He failed to mentioned he had a psycho ex wife. Or current wife when I met him. He has two children with her. We moved in together and a few weeks in I get a call from her saying she wanted to speak to him and that she was "his wife". Although she had no idea I was living there. Turns out they were not legally divorced. I found out when she filed for divorce. She wouldnt let him see the kids for about 5 mths then the court ordered him visitations every other weekend. It was great his kids are fantastic to be around. Their mom is another story. So all of a sudden they start calling each other and spending alot of time with each other. One night he went to return the children and he did not return for 4 hours. He would not take my calls and so I decided to call her to make sure he made it there. She hung up on me. I cried my eyes out not knowing if he was ok or not. He finally called me about 40 minutes after I called her phone and states he was having a discussion. A FOUR hour discussion huh with no phone priveldges. He slowly began insinuating he wanted me to move out. He kept sneeking out to see her and telling me he wa s at the gym or somewhere else. The calls were ridiculous. So I moved out and figured they were getting back together. So 3 mths after I move he comes back and says he's sorry and that he was just afraid that I wasnt trying to commit to him fully and that he would lose complete contact with his children. They are now divorced and we're trying to work things out but I have this lingering feeling things are not over between them, he stays at her house still for hours at a time and will not tell her we are back together. He will not take my calls when he is with her eiher. Is this a red flag or just something I have to go through?


happy mom's picture

It seems like he still has feelings for her and undecided on what to do with you. If I was you, I would leave him and find someone else. You don't want to be in a mess like that, it's just my opinion.

SMIT's picture

Hi, Michelle:

Have you re-read your post since you wrote it? I mean this in the gentlest way--there are red flags all through it. This man was dishonest with you at the very beginning of your relationship and has continued to be. You say you have the feeling that things aren't over between the two of them, even with the divorce. My advice--only because I was in a situation like yours some time ago--is to trust your instinct! If your heart/mind/voice inside of you is saying that something is wrong, then it is. Please don't be afraid to listen to that.

Please, stay away from him. He's not good for you and I believe he'll hang around as long as you let him... and it will suck the life out of you. Please, look out for YOU!