Update to "It would have been nice if you would have at least offered" --- and Mercury loses her mind
A few weeks ago I offered to stay home with DH's son while he took his daughter out for her birthday. Here's the background story if you care to read it: http://www.steptalk.org/node/196558
You guys were right, my DH is a great guy. He's so good about parenting his own kids and he never asks me to do anything for them. This seemed like something I could do for HIM that wouldn't require a lot of effort and hassle on my part, right? Well, as they say, no good deed goes unpunished.
I told DH I would stay with his son and he was extremely grateful for that. I went into it thinking it really wasn't that big of a deal. I would take the kid out to the deli down the street so I wouldn't even have to cook for him and then we would come back to the house and I would veg out watching Netflix all evening until DH got back home. DH even made it easy for me. Even though I would have been passing by BM's house on my way home from work and it was way out of his way to do so, he picked his 2 kids up and and dropped his son off at our house. This doubled his trip because he was going to turn around and head back the way he had just come from to get to the restaurant his daughter wanted to go to. I was in a very good mood and was actually pleasant to the skid when he showed up on my doorstep.
I asked him if he was hungry. He said no. I said ok, just let me know if you change your mind, we can go out and grab something and come back and watch TV. That's when I noticed a cop car drive slowly by my house ("coincidence" number 1). I didn't give it a second thought, of course, and went up to my room to shower.
When I finished, I went back out into the hallway and skid was calling out to me: "ok.....we can go eat". I glance into his room to let him know that would be fine and see that he's on his phone texting ("coincidence" number 2). I grabbed my purse, said let's go, and we left.
Then when I got out of my neighborhood, I noticed a cop following me ("coincidence" number 3). Again, I didn't think anything of it. Mind you, I really had no reason to question these things as they were happening, these "coincidences" didn't all come together until a few minutes later when we got to the deli. The cop who was diving behind me pulled in behind me and stopped me as I was getting out of my car ("coincidence" number 4).
His reason for stopping me was the lamest one I've ever heard in my life. "Did you know that the frame you have around your license plate is illegal?" I said I was sorry and that I bought the car that way 4 years ago and just left the frame on it. I had no idea I shouldn't use it, I've never been stopped before. blah, blah, blah. He said "Yeah, not many people know that. May I see your license and registration, please?". I complied and that's when it hit me. All the "coincidences" leading up to that moment:
#1. Did BM actually send a police officer to my house?!? Before I offered to let the skid stay with me, DH had asked if he could stay with BM while DH went out with his daughter and then when he dropped the girl back off to BM, he would pick his son up. She got mad and said he was wrong to assume she didn't make plans for those few hours. By then, DH and I had already worked out our plan so he simply replied to her "I will pick SS up when I come get SD." No other explanation. DH admits (although I'm "crazy" about the rest of this) that BM might have thought he was just going to leave SS alone at our house. This is NOT against the law for an 11 year old in our state, btw, but HELL NO!!!! No unattended skids in my home ever!!!!
#2. Did that freaking skid actually ask his mom via text if he could go somewhere with me?!? The wording he used with me...."ok, we can go eat" now all the sudden sounded a bit suspicious.
#3. If #2 happened, did he also tell her where we were going?!? Did she have me TAILED?!? Ugh. DH thought this was utter nonsense when I relayed it to him later that evening. But why not DH? You already admitted that she is the type to have called the police to begin with.
#4. This one totally backs up my suspicions too, imo. That is a STUPID reason to get pulled over. Probably the dumbest one I've ever heard of. I looked for other framed plates on our way home and didn't have to look too far. When we left the deli, there were 3 other cars in the parking lot with frames around the license plates.
DH thinks I'm paranoid. He accused me of confirmation bias. Grrr. I love my logical husband but this sent me over the edge. Of course we always need to be wary of that, we don't need to seek out evidence or interpret data in a way that supports our preconceived beliefs. I reminded him of his own confirmation biases regarding the intentions of his precious little babies.
So friends, please tell me. Am I crazy? Am I paranoid? I feel INSANE. I feel alone. I feel embarrassed that my husband is dismissing my hunches so nonchalantly. The implication is that I just allowed myself to indulge in logical fallacies and that none of this is real.
Fast forward to today. He calls me to say that he has been asked to work this Saturday but he told his co-worker to reschedule the project because he was taking me out of town for my birthday (yes, distract me with shiny things before your next sentence, dh). So his co-worker changed the date to next Saturday...a skid weekend...and DH would have to figure out what to do with his son. ****crickets***** There was a dead silence for a good minute or two as I refused to offer a damn thing. Then he finally said, well I just wanted to let you know. lmao. Sure, DH. Sure.
- Mercury's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
No. And that brings me to
No. And that brings me to another beef I have with DH. He refuses to "violate the privacy" of his children. He would never ask to see their phones so of course I can't either.
^^^^Same with my DH. Also
^^^^Same with my DH. Also drives me crazy.
Absolutely LOVE this: "I reminded him of his own confirmation biases regarding the intentions of his precious little babies." Live this at my house, too, and have also called him out on it on occasion.
Merc - they are there to see
Merc - they are there to see and visit with their dad. Why do they need cell phones anyway?
I would definitely tell your
I would definitely tell your DH that there need to be rules regarding cell phone use in your house. The skids should be able to use them to call their mom once a day or something, but that's it. They shouldn't be texting her about your activities as they're happening.
Thank you! This is extremely
Thank you!
This is extremely helpful. I will do that!
In our town, there is a list
In our town, there is a list of all dispatch calls online.
I don't thnk you're crazy or
I don't thnk you're crazy or paranoid. I find it very hard to believe this happened as a coincidence during the one time you had the skid in your sole care.
A license plate holder is the
A license plate holder is the reason for being stopped....? No way. I do not think you are paranoid. Does BM have any cop buddies?
I agree that the skid texted
I agree that the skid texted his mom to ask for permission to go with you. The time delay and how he worded it really stood out to me.
This is crazy. I remmeber you saying that your husband rarely asks you to do anything for his kids. I'd make this the last time.
That whole thing from top to
That whole thing from top to bottom is insane. Point out to DH that even if you're wrong and BM did not call the police, or the office decided on his own to stop you (and you weren't tailed), and SS wasn't asking BM permission to go to the deli with you... even if you're wrong about ALL of that, does he recognize that it is a big problem that you're under enough stress from BM to go there????
For the record, I think she probably did call the police. But again, what she did or did not do isn't the issue- the issue (as you need to point out to DH) is that you feel attacked enough to wonder if this was another attack. And he needs to do a hell of a lot more than say, "Oh no, THIS time it's all in your head!" Because if they weren't stressing you out, and doing a lot of crap that's unacceptable? You never would have wondered about this in the first place.
Did the cop ask you anything
Did the cop ask you anything about your SS? Did he speak to your SS? Ask him if he was having a fun day? Did he follow you back home again?
Personally I suppose it could be BM/SS getting the cops to check up on you but if that were the case I think the cop would have talked to or asked you about your SS.
I have a long history of jumping to conclusions and it only leading to shit later on when I try to confront people about it or do something about it and then it turns out that I was completely wrong and jumped to the wrong idea. So I try to be more cautious about my thinking and question my conclusions these days. Often it is best just to let things go if you have no firm evidence otherwise you will drive yourself crazy or just end up with egg on your face. So for a balanced view point here are my ideas of what could have happened:
#1...only you know your neighborhood and how unusual it is for a police car to go by, even if it is unusual I'm sure it isn't unheard of
2# and 3# If BM thought that SS was going to be home alone, she probably did ask him to text her to make sure he was ok (or she texted him to ask if he was ok, maybe even asking him if he had had dinner)...then he probably replied..yeah I'm great, Mercury is taking me out to to the deli soon for dinner...(but that doesn't mean she necessarily called the cops on you) or maybe he was just texting a friend....or playing a game on his phone...looking up something online?
4# who knows why you got stopped...maybe there was a lead out for a crime involving a car with your particular licence plate holder and cops were on the look out for them that day. Maybe the guy was just being an a-hole that day and stopping everyone for anything he could. As I said above if he didn't directly question you about SS or ask him any questions I doubt that his main intent was a welfare check.
As someone else said, unless she is good friends with this cop I doubt a call to the police concerning your SS would have led anywhere let alone you being stopped for your licence holder.