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A Question for Other Childless Stepparents

Mercury's picture

Does anybody else love their pets more than they love their SO's kids?

I'm not even one of those people who think of my pets as my babies....they are adult animals who live with me. I still love them more than the skids.

This is a half serious post. I was reading queenofthedamned's blog about infertility and when the subject of adoption came up it got me thinking. I am capable of loving a child who is not biologically mine, but mine nonetheless. I'm not really sure I'm capable of loving my husband's kids. I can't even force it no matter how hard I try.


QueenBeau's picture

I think it's easier with adopted children. You chose to adopt, it wasn't like "If you want to be with your soulmate, you MUST ___________"

Also if you adopt you have no negative feelings from dealing with a crazy BM or kids who were use to life before you came aroud.

ltman's picture

Uh yeah! As I sit here with my giant kitty rolling and making acupuncture muffins on my thigh. And you can like them, the skids. Most of the skids I like...most of the time. But there are times...

Hell, I love the cat ysd dumped on us 14 years ago much more than her. The cat is allowed here, she is not.

farting_glitter's picture

I love my BD's hamsters more than I even so much as care for DHs' dick dumpling... }:)

DarkStar's picture

Absolutely, yes.

I do love the younger skids, because they are lovable. The oldest SD is not likeable, much less lovable.
But, I do love my furbaby more, she is MINE! Skids aren't mine.'s picture

I have 1 bio not FDH's and I love my animals no question hands down more then I love skids or anyone in FDH's family matter of fact! I don't even LIKE sd16. I adore my animal babies

Shaman29's picture

I care about the skid but I don't like or love her. If that makes any sense.

However, I love my spotty, feline boy very much.

The fat, furry feline is H and skids and I can't wait to get her off of my hands.

SMof2Girls's picture

My animals get a ton of my attention; probably more so than the skids. Skids are DH's responsibility, but I do love them.

With 3 dogs, 3 cats, 2 hamsters, and 6 chickens and any number of fosters coming and going through my door .. it's practically a full time job caring for all those little buggers.

I don't love them more or less than the skids .. I love them differently. They need me in a way the skids don't.'s picture


moeilijk's picture

Such a difference between pets and skids. Pets live in the moment, don't bear grudges for eons, their parents aren't causing drama or criticizing your choice of kibble, pets are grateful that you cuddle them and never threaten to call CPS because you cuddled them 'wrong', pets are NEVER "uncomfortable" around you, they are always glad when you come home, they don't complain if they have to wear last year's winter coat because it still fits and you're not made of money, pets think you are bee-yoo-ti-ful and never call you names, they show instant remorse if you have to discipline them (except cats. Cats never show weakness, unless tuna-juice is involved.)

My pets love me, unrestrainedly and unconditionally (sometimes resulting in an asthma attack or a pee accident). 'Nuff said.

Ssamantha's picture


I love my skids, but the love I have for my dog is something special.

When my skids start wagging their butts when I get home and running around the house like I'm freakin Beyonce, maybe they will be able to get on his level. Until then, my dog tracks right behind DH in our house.

queenofthedamned's picture

I like skid2 most of the time, skid1 some of the time. Love? hell naw. I love when they're at their mom's.

But my furbabies - I'd give anything for them to be happy and healthy. I love the hell out of them.

Tuff Noogies's picture

"I don't love them more or less than the skids .. I love them differently." YUP, that says it perfectly. i do love skids, but there's a much different bond with a pet that depends on you and loves you unconditionally regardless of any b.s surrounding the family.

my furbaby is my baby in a way that no one else can be.

Delphi's picture

I think it might have something to do with the idea of ownership. Or rather, the rights you get with ownership. With a pet, or adopted child, you immediately have authority - you took THEM into your home so you are able to act the adult or disciplinarian around them - and therefore fulfill the natural adult role of adult: someone with life experience, someone with worldliness, someone who is NOT on par, with a child. With the SP role - it's like you're supposed to be the adult "friend." You see all this trouble they get into, or things they don't know (but think they do), or problems they're going through...and it's like you're expected to just sit on the sidelines and say nothing. So you're immediately usurped of the inherent power you SHOULD have - as an adult. The step-kids just expect you to listen to them, do as they say, or do their bidding...or in the best-case scenario, just keep quiet.

I think the POSITION stepparents are put in - immediately creates resentment - on the side of the stepparent. You can't treat the kid like a need to shut up and just keep your place. It's not necessarily the kid's fault, and it's not necessarily the stepparent's fault - it's just the situation creates this bristling tension because it's inherently...unnatural --> to treat a child as an adult's equal.

JMO of course.

justbdais's picture

My little sister moved out of the country and could only take 2 of her 3 cats, the other came back home to live with her father in law but had to stay outside. She came home at christmas time and decided to pay $600 to send her cat back home with her, except the airline she was on didn't allow pets to fly which meant someone else had to take the cat to the airport and get it ready to fly. It was actually a real nightmare! My mom said she would do it but dropped the ball after my sister left so I took over. I literally had the cat for 1 night and was more in love with it (btw I do not like cats whatsoever) than my SS who I have know for 8 years! I cried my eyes out when we left the cat at the cargo loading place and then freaked out when I found out the cat missed the connection and had to stay overnight in an unfamiliar place (they boarded the cat someplace). I called and demanded to speak with someone who could tell me how the cat was doing! My husband thought I was crazy!

moeilijk's picture

Totally, I've made two HUGE moves and never even considered leaving my cats behind. In one city, pet ownership really limited where I could live - not bringing them with me was never an option.

Dolphin's picture

OMG yes!!!! I love my fur-baby! Barely even like FSD these days lol

hereiam's picture

I don't even have any pets and I love them more. Shoot, I love all of your pets more.

I do love my niece's dog and I would rather have her on my couch than SD's snotty nosed kids.

Living the dream's picture


I don't love DH's kids at all, so that's a no brainer.

And I've always been an animal nut. I'm proud to be a mama to four great cats and one little wiener dog!