Not to be crass...I saw him screwing a co-worker...on tape...in our apartment...on our couch...while I was work...while I was 8 months pregnant. It was taped over the video for my babyshower. I found it when our son was about 4 weeks old. That's when I knew it was over.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
well...to clarify, I had been suspicious of him for months. I couldn't ever find proof. At one point I was curled in a ball in my closet rocking back and forth bc he had me thinking I was crazy and paranoid. In addition to the babyshower tape that was recorded over I also found a box full of his other "adventures" that took place the entire time we were together.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
I knew it was over before I married him actually. My Ex and I were together since were 15 and got married b/c we thought it was the next thing to do in line, not b/c we wanted it. We were young and dumb. I called off our engagement b/c I started to second guess myself. Hell I was 22 and I knew I wanted to experience life and another man, at least. So I did my single thing, all the while, he was begging me to put the wedding back on. I really wasnt heartless and didnt want to hurt him, but I needed to see what was right for me. Well, his family started to say stuff about me being their DIL and all it wore on me so I went back to him for ALL the wrong reasons. We got married. Day of the wedding, I cried b/c I knew I shouldnt be doing this, but so much money was involved and ppl. So I tried to make the best of it. 3 mos after we were married, I found out, he was talking to some girl he had met on the job (he was a cop) and I said WHY did we get married and he said he couldnt get over that I called the engagement off and did my single thing, um hello idiot, you knew that when we got married so why do it?! Than we split and he tried a few times to make things work, but it was the most drawn out break-up or split. I was NEVER in love with him. I did love him but as a best friend and someone I felt comfortable with, not someone I was attracted to or had a strong desire to be with.
It was def just inexperience of life and relationships. I settled for things I'd NEVER settle for now.
My mother always says, "well honey...that's what friends are for!" She says she prefers to have enemies rather than friends for this very reason...when an enemy does this type of thing you expect it. When a friend does it,nothing cuts deeper.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
My first marriage he cheated on me more than once and while I was pregnant. Brought home Gonorrhea, thank goodness I never got it. The health department kept calling asking for him, the woman who gave it to him gave them a list of the men she had recently screwed. The HD finally told him they would tell me if he didn't. The second - I really don't know what happened...I honestly don't. We drifted apart? And now that I'm thinking about it, he didn't have kids and my DD's were a big pain in his ass, to him - he wasn't meant to be a father. The third - not divorced yet but this is my first time being a SM and it truly sucks.
Well, this may seem silly (and kind of comical!) on the surface but this was after many years of things building... but this was the "straw" so to speak...
I come home after working all day and picking up BS4 from day care. I'm fixing dinner. I grab the big Costco size of teriyaki sauce and drop it. The lid comes off and sticky teriyaki sauce goes flying all of the kitchen and all over my pants. So, I take off my pants in the kitchen (dinner is on the stove so I can't leave it) and try to clean my pants in the sink. Standing there in my underwear with teriyaki sauce all over the kitchen, BS asks "can I have a cookie?" I said "dinner is almost done, you can wait." He starts to throw a fit. I, in my moment of weekeness say "ok, you can have ONE." and went to hand him one cookie. Apparently he wanted more and hit the bag of cookies out of my hand to the floor. I then, in my moment of frustration said "ok, now you get NONE!". He then kicked the bag of cookies across the floor and proceeded with a huge temper tantrum. As I am still in my underwear, teriyaki source everywhere, cookies across the floor (trying to keep the dog from eating them and BS throwing a huge fit and dinner starting to burn... my EH (then DH) walks in the door, asks why BS is crying, I tell him he's mad because I wouldn't give him a cookie and the f'er said "what's the big deal?" and then looks at BS and says "it's ok BS, here, have a cookie". Grrr. I think I filed for divorce the next day.
It definately was the 'icing' on the cake. I had been struggling for a long time with thinking it wasn't going to work but I couldn't fatham the thought of my son growing up in a 'broken' home and having to be without my son for a weekend or longer so in the beginning, I thought I could just hang in there till our son was 18. After a couple years of this garbage, I finally came to the conclusion that staying together was going to do more damage to him (let alone ME!)than being apart. Being together was NOT providing a healthy environment for our son.
I guess I am at a point where I am wondering if I was ever "in" love with him. I had doubts right up to the wedding day, but he kept pressuring me, and to be honest, I liked the idea of having a wedding. I also had a baby, and wanted it to work. I feel like what we did have is gone. He doesn't take anything I say seriously. Most of it is just in reference to SD17, but if he doesn't take my feelings into account when it has to do with her, and will lie, and hide things from me that have to do with her, what will he do it with? There have been other things as well. Things about BM. Me telling him I HATED something and would never date anyone who did, then to find out he does it. I have put soo much into this relationship, and he just will not even attempt to work on anything. He says he will, but he never keeps his word... EVER! I am only 25, I was 21 when I met him, and 22 when things got serious. Young, and stupid? I don't know. I just don't want to wake up in ten years, and think WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?
"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe
I had a "final straw" moment. I was fighting with my husband over not wanting my SS who was a teenager to play with MY food. Ex-SS was not a clean person and had his hands all over the food I was eating and was playing with it like a toy. I politely asked him not to, and my ex jumped down my throat and told me I was making his son uncomfortable. That was when I knew this situation wasn't for me and I wasn't going to put myself through ridiculous situations like that anymore.
Wow--good question. I knew it was over, when my ex and I had talked about divorce,(Jan/07) and then a couple days later he said he mentioned to our daughters. They didn't want our marriage to end (which is understandable.) However, he said he chose to stay because THEY Wanted him to. He never said HE wanted to continue in the marriage. THAT is when I realized he was only continuing the charade to appease his children, instead of his heart.
We lived in the same house for about 6 months, with him sleeping on the couch. We agreed to an 'open' marriage. He got mad at the fact that *I* was having 'success' at our open marriage, and he was not having any luck at all.
He developed a fetish that I tried to engage in, but figured out, NO, this is NOT me or my style. His attitude was that if I didn't participate, I didn't love him anymore. I suggested counseling but he emphatically said NO to that, so I figured, if HE wasn't going to try, why should I?
So THAT is when I knew our marriage was doomed.
~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~
Yeah... my ex and I had the "fetish" problem too. When I continuously told him NO, I won't be a SWINGER... he then went ahead and slept with the SWINGERS WIFE, at a party... with the WHOLE family there, in plain view. That's right. My ex cheated on me OUT IN THE OPEN, everyone literally watching him F*CK this other woman. My youngest was 2 weeks old at this point... I stayed in the marriage for another year after this ( I know... I am an idiot, but I had babies, and I thought I was doing the right thing for them). It wasn't until we were at the mall, buying easter dresses for the kids, and he saw some chick he wanted to "take home with us" and I refused. He proceeded to get really drunk, destroy our car, and beat the hell outta me. Yep. I was done after that. Never looked back.
He got help for his drinking and his anger issues. He has the girls 50% of the time and actual has turned out to be a really good Dad. He knows how bad he screwed up our marraige and I have no problems with him now. We get along great as DIVORCED parents, raising our kids together. He lives about a mile from my house... and I couldn't ask for a better situation with him. We brought out the worst in each other, and we both realize that now. We were young when we married. Never should have been married, and we both recognize that.
1) I knew I no longer loved him when I came downstairs from nursing our 2 week old and found him screwing another woman in our hot tub in front of about 25 of our friends.
2) I knew my marriage was over two years later when I came home from helping a friend move and found my 4 yo on the front porch (we lived on a busy street, 45 mph) crying because he couldn't find daddy when he woke up from his nap. When I went inside I found my 2 yo in her crib and she had cried for so long, she didn't have any tears left. She had pee and poop running down her leg. Apparently, he went for a bike ride when he put the kids down for a nap. I've never been so disgusted with another human being in my life.
>>>Blended families - Like throwing a bunch of perfectly good lives in a blender, whipping them like a cyclone, and hoping that whatever you're left with doesn't have to be poured down the drain because it's too nauseating to stomach!<<<
~Serena~
I thought of you when I wrote my story. My husband and I joke that our prior spouses set the bar so low that he and I are golden in one another's eyes! The truth is, it just makes me appreciate him even more!!
>>>Blended families - Like throwing a bunch of perfectly good lives in a blender, whipping them like a cyclone, and hoping that whatever you're left with doesn't have to be poured down the drain because it's too nauseating to stomach!<<<
~Serena~
Comments
Not to be crass...I saw him
Not to be crass...I saw him screwing a co-worker...on tape...in our apartment...on our couch...while I was work...while I was 8 months pregnant. It was taped over the video for my babyshower. I found it when our son was about 4 weeks old. That's when I knew it was over.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
WOW... just WOW.. Part of me
WOW... just WOW.. Part of me wishes it was that cut and dry. Though I am sure that if that was the case, I would hope otherwise.
"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe
well...to clarify, I had
well...to clarify, I had been suspicious of him for months. I couldn't ever find proof. At one point I was curled in a ball in my closet rocking back and forth bc he had me thinking I was crazy and paranoid. In addition to the babyshower tape that was recorded over I also found a box full of his other "adventures" that took place the entire time we were together.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
I knew it was over before I
I knew it was over before I married him actually. My Ex and I were together since were 15 and got married b/c we thought it was the next thing to do in line, not b/c we wanted it. We were young and dumb. I called off our engagement b/c I started to second guess myself. Hell I was 22 and I knew I wanted to experience life and another man, at least. So I did my single thing, all the while, he was begging me to put the wedding back on. I really wasnt heartless and didnt want to hurt him, but I needed to see what was right for me. Well, his family started to say stuff about me being their DIL and all it wore on me so I went back to him for ALL the wrong reasons. We got married. Day of the wedding, I cried b/c I knew I shouldnt be doing this, but so much money was involved and ppl. So I tried to make the best of it. 3 mos after we were married, I found out, he was talking to some girl he had met on the job (he was a cop) and I said WHY did we get married and he said he couldnt get over that I called the engagement off and did my single thing, um hello idiot, you knew that when we got married so why do it?! Than we split and he tried a few times to make things work, but it was the most drawn out break-up or split. I was NEVER in love with him. I did love him but as a best friend and someone I felt comfortable with, not someone I was attracted to or had a strong desire to be with.
It was def just inexperience of life and relationships. I settled for things I'd NEVER settle for now.
Ummmmm.... when I found out
Ummmmm.... when I found out he was screwing me best friend..... Yep.... pretty much knew it was over at that point!
My mother always says, "well
My mother always says, "well honey...that's what friends are for!" She says she prefers to have enemies rather than friends for this very reason...when an enemy does this type of thing you expect it. When a friend does it,nothing cuts deeper.
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
My first marriage he cheated
My first marriage he cheated on me more than once and while I was pregnant. Brought home Gonorrhea, thank goodness I never got it. The health department kept calling asking for him, the woman who gave it to him gave them a list of the men she had recently screwed. The HD finally told him they would tell me if he didn't. The second - I really don't know what happened...I honestly don't. We drifted apart? And now that I'm thinking about it, he didn't have kids and my DD's were a big pain in his ass, to him - he wasn't meant to be a father. The third - not divorced yet but this is my first time being a SM and it truly sucks.
Well, this may seem silly
Well, this may seem silly (and kind of comical!) on the surface but this was after many years of things building... but this was the "straw" so to speak...
I come home after working all day and picking up BS4 from day care. I'm fixing dinner. I grab the big Costco size of teriyaki sauce and drop it. The lid comes off and sticky teriyaki sauce goes flying all of the kitchen and all over my pants. So, I take off my pants in the kitchen (dinner is on the stove so I can't leave it) and try to clean my pants in the sink. Standing there in my underwear with teriyaki sauce all over the kitchen, BS asks "can I have a cookie?" I said "dinner is almost done, you can wait." He starts to throw a fit. I, in my moment of weekeness say "ok, you can have ONE." and went to hand him one cookie. Apparently he wanted more and hit the bag of cookies out of my hand to the floor. I then, in my moment of frustration said "ok, now you get NONE!". He then kicked the bag of cookies across the floor and proceeded with a huge temper tantrum. As I am still in my underwear, teriyaki source everywhere, cookies across the floor (trying to keep the dog from eating them and BS throwing a huge fit and dinner starting to burn... my EH (then DH) walks in the door, asks why BS is crying, I tell him he's mad because I wouldn't give him a cookie and the f'er said "what's the big deal?" and then looks at BS and says "it's ok BS, here, have a cookie". Grrr. I think I filed for divorce the next day.
It doesn't sound silly at
It doesn't sound silly at ALL! This is where I am right now. The little things all adding up. The icing on the cake, I guess.
"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe
It definately was the
It definately was the 'icing' on the cake. I had been struggling for a long time with thinking it wasn't going to work but I couldn't fatham the thought of my son growing up in a 'broken' home and having to be without my son for a weekend or longer so in the beginning, I thought I could just hang in there till our son was 18. After a couple years of this garbage, I finally came to the conclusion that staying together was going to do more damage to him (let alone ME!)than being apart. Being together was NOT providing a healthy environment for our son.
Wow! does that make me a bad
Wow! does that make me a bad guy if I wished I saw you cooking in your panties?
One good thing about dickhead is, LUCKY ME!
I am happy as can be with you hun!
I love you.
Thank you for cooking diner last night. I was so spent!
I guess I am at a point
I guess I am at a point where I am wondering if I was ever "in" love with him. I had doubts right up to the wedding day, but he kept pressuring me, and to be honest, I liked the idea of having a wedding. I also had a baby, and wanted it to work. I feel like what we did have is gone. He doesn't take anything I say seriously. Most of it is just in reference to SD17, but if he doesn't take my feelings into account when it has to do with her, and will lie, and hide things from me that have to do with her, what will he do it with? There have been other things as well. Things about BM. Me telling him I HATED something and would never date anyone who did, then to find out he does it. I have put soo much into this relationship, and he just will not even attempt to work on anything. He says he will, but he never keeps his word... EVER! I am only 25, I was 21 when I met him, and 22 when things got serious. Young, and stupid? I don't know. I just don't want to wake up in ten years, and think WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?
"I will not take responsibility, where I do not have authority." ~ MeanOleMe
When I actually screamed for
When I actually screamed for my life. I thought he was going to kill me. He was an alcoholic and couldn't keep his hands to himself.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
I had a "final straw"
I had a "final straw" moment. I was fighting with my husband over not wanting my SS who was a teenager to play with MY food. Ex-SS was not a clean person and had his hands all over the food I was eating and was playing with it like a toy. I politely asked him not to, and my ex jumped down my throat and told me I was making his son uncomfortable. That was when I knew this situation wasn't for me and I wasn't going to put myself through ridiculous situations like that anymore.
Wow--good question. I knew
Wow--good question. I knew it was over, when my ex and I had talked about divorce,(Jan/07) and then a couple days later he said he mentioned to our daughters. They didn't want our marriage to end (which is understandable.) However, he said he chose to stay because THEY Wanted him to. He never said HE wanted to continue in the marriage. THAT is when I realized he was only continuing the charade to appease his children, instead of his heart.
We lived in the same house for about 6 months, with him sleeping on the couch. We agreed to an 'open' marriage. He got mad at the fact that *I* was having 'success' at our open marriage, and he was not having any luck at all.
He developed a fetish that I tried to engage in, but figured out, NO, this is NOT me or my style. His attitude was that if I didn't participate, I didn't love him anymore. I suggested counseling but he emphatically said NO to that, so I figured, if HE wasn't going to try, why should I?
So THAT is when I knew our marriage was doomed.
~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~
Yeah... my ex and I had the
Yeah... my ex and I had the "fetish" problem too. When I continuously told him NO, I won't be a SWINGER... he then went ahead and slept with the SWINGERS WIFE, at a party... with the WHOLE family there, in plain view. That's right. My ex cheated on me OUT IN THE OPEN, everyone literally watching him F*CK this other woman. My youngest was 2 weeks old at this point... I stayed in the marriage for another year after this ( I know... I am an idiot, but I had babies, and I thought I was doing the right thing for them). It wasn't until we were at the mall, buying easter dresses for the kids, and he saw some chick he wanted to "take home with us" and I refused. He proceeded to get really drunk, destroy our car, and beat the hell outta me. Yep. I was done after that. Never looked back.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
That is about one of the
That is about one of the worst stories I have ever heard. Where is that sick SOB now?
He got help for his drinking
He got help for his drinking and his anger issues. He has the girls 50% of the time and actual has turned out to be a really good Dad. He knows how bad he screwed up our marraige and I have no problems with him now. We get along great as DIVORCED parents, raising our kids together. He lives about a mile from my house... and I couldn't ask for a better situation with him. We brought out the worst in each other, and we both realize that now. We were young when we married. Never should have been married, and we both recognize that.
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
When the thought of kissing
When the thought of kissing him made me wanna PUKE! Yep it was overw
I knew it was over for me in
I knew it was over for me in my first marriage when I couldn't stand the thought of him touching me without wanting to throw up!
There are actually two parts
There are actually two parts to my answer.
1) I knew I no longer loved him when I came downstairs from nursing our 2 week old and found him screwing another woman in our hot tub in front of about 25 of our friends.
2) I knew my marriage was over two years later when I came home from helping a friend move and found my 4 yo on the front porch (we lived on a busy street, 45 mph) crying because he couldn't find daddy when he woke up from his nap. When I went inside I found my 2 yo in her crib and she had cried for so long, she didn't have any tears left. She had pee and poop running down her leg. Apparently, he went for a bike ride when he put the kids down for a nap. I've never been so disgusted with another human being in my life.
>>>Blended families - Like throwing a bunch of perfectly good lives in a blender, whipping them like a cyclone, and hoping that whatever you're left with doesn't have to be poured down the drain because it's too nauseating to stomach!<<<
~Serena~
Sounds painfully familiar!
Sounds painfully familiar!
DISbelief~
~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )
I thought of you when I
I thought of you when I wrote my story. My husband and I joke that our prior spouses set the bar so low that he and I are golden in one another's eyes! The truth is, it just makes me appreciate him even more!!
>>>Blended families - Like throwing a bunch of perfectly good lives in a blender, whipping them like a cyclone, and hoping that whatever you're left with doesn't have to be poured down the drain because it's too nauseating to stomach!<<<
~Serena~