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Is it really worth it?

matrebeli's picture

My husband & I have been together for 9 years and married for 7. His kids were 10 mo.(girl) & 3(boy) and mine were 22(girl) mo & 3(boy). We were awarded residential custody after she took us to court trying to take them 7 1/2 years ago. My kids are with us the majority of the time and his kids are with us about 70 percent of the time. We also share a 5 year old(girl). I am the primary caregiver to all of the children. His kids are mostly loving when they are home but when they go to their mother's they lie about things that happen here. Their mother has made two false reports claiming that I abuse her kids (it was proven that she coached the kids to lie each time)and the oldest one backs her up and lies for her. The lies are ongoing which has caused tension. She consistently lets the kids both know that she doesn't like my husband or I and and wants them to come and live with her. The kids tell her that they want to live there and that they hate me. I could understand and expect all of these issues if the kids were older when we got together, but they were all very little. I feel like giving up and divorcing my husband but I have the guilt of taking the destroying my five year old daughter's stability.


sparky's picture

That's a horrible situation. Those kds will do anything to make their mother happy even at the expense of destroying the people that take care of them. Do you think its worth it? As they get older the problems are going to get bigger and bigger.

Angel's picture

"Their mother has made two false reports claiming that I abuse her kids"

Get the heck out of Dodge! The first false report would have me packing. No good will come of this. Your 5 year old and your other children will thank you for it when they are older.

stepmom2one's picture

She is usually ok behaved but when she leaves she tells BM all kinds of lies. BM calls my H to chew him out, and won't believe that SD is lying. I think SD lies becuz she either gets rewarded for it in some way, or she does this to please BM (since SD tells us at least a few times a month that BM hates us). Good luck to you, I wish I could tell you how to make them stop but I can't get my SD9 to stop either.

frustratedinMA's picture

Could you guys just let his kids go live w/the bm, and just keep custody of yours and the baby you share.. and take his kids for visitation? I think I would just give in, and let her have them.

aka's picture

This happened to us as well. The BM accused us of not feeding the skids, the kids getting in trouble all the time, the skids were dirty, etc. etc. All Lies.. The BMs mother is a retired child service worker and on top of that BM in her 30s sued her father for abusing her when she was young and won. At first DH was like I am fighting this until I die, blah blah blah. I finally said well you will have to fight on your own because I just didn't want to be in court for the rest of my life and always worried about what I could do in my own home. It wasn't worth it to me. I was prepared for my DH to leave me but instead we made arrangements that he could see his kids whenever he wanted but they couldn't spend the night anymore. I know that sounds harsh but for me I couldn't live my life afraid of her allegations. My DH sees his kids at school, takes them to dinner have talks with them.. etc.. All is much better now.