That's a toughie. I think I'd wait and see what actually happens, but if she goes to jail and the visit can't happen as planned, I might say that something came up and she wasn't able to make it. I'm not sure how to explain to a 5 year old that BM broke the law and is being punished, except maybe to say exactly that. If nothing else, it may give the kid a healthy respect for the law. I mean, you follow the rules or there are consequences.

And maybe, if it's not too last minute, he could get to do some fun small thing to take his mind off of it. 5 year olds are easy to bribe. I hate to say "you should pull extra mommy time because his mom's a douche". It seems unfair, but it's unfair to him too. Sucks.

You dont. You dont even bring her up. You go do something fun and dont mention it. Kiddo's bm dissapears for anywhere from two weeks to six months on a regular basis. You carry on with life as usual and dont say a word about it unless the kid brings it up. If the kid brings it up you say something vague about how "we're gonna see her again soon" and then you squash it. Theres nothing you can do but give the kid as normal a life as possible on your end. Kiddo's bm is just another relative that he sees on a semi-regular basis - she is not a parental figure, he calls 2 other women mommy and has no particular bond to her any more than the other two, by her doing. I dont emphasize her anymore than I do the other two women in his life who he actually was raised by at some point. I decided a while ago to just let the chips fall where they may. If she dissapears, I dont say anything about it and we take kiddo to visit his cousins or grandmother or aunt instead.

I've been in a similar situation with my skids BM. When they were 5 & 8 she disappeared for over a year. No contact, no nothing. We knew through some of her family that she was deep into drug addiction but of course we didn't want to tell the skids that so we told them that she was just not able to see them right now and that as soon as she could she'd be with them. After that full year she was arrested and we told the kids that she was in jail and that now she could be getting the help she needs. The kids were so relieved they cried. They told us that they had thought she was dead all this time and we just weren't telling them b/c no one was giving them any real answers. I told them right then and there that I would never shield them from the truth so if they didn't want to know the real answer to a question, don't ask. Now when they don't see her - sometimes they ask sometimes they don't. I felt I was in a horrible position when I was giving half-truths. Looking back on it I probably should have been more honest (but age appropriate). But each child is different as is each situation. But I will tell you that it pert-near killed me to see their faces get all hopeful every Friday when they thought their mom was gonna come for them. We planned as many fun activities for Fridays as we could afford. Sometimes it was renting a special movie and making popcorn. Sometimes it was making a big tent in the living room and staying up late. Diverting their attention was the best way to combat their feelings of hurt and abandonment.