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Projecting my sadness/anger at SD14

MamaBecky's picture

My dog died Tuesday night. Totally unexpected...she was four years old. I have no bio's. She was MY baby. I was and am devastated. I have always promoted my dog as our dog. Our family dog.

When my sweet baby dog died on Tuesday I called BM#2...she immediately dropped her plans and brought SD6 over. We took my dog to her fathers field where all of SD6 and families pets had been laid to rest. We were up until after 10pm dealing with all of this. She (BM#2) fed me and DH, she put gas in our vehicle, SD6 cried with me and was very loving and concerned. It was a blessing.

In retrospect I simply sent my SD14 a text that our dog had died. The response I got was "What?" I did not respond again. I posted that night on FB what had happened along with some "memorium pics of my dog...some of her and her cuteness, some with SD14, some with SD6, myself, and DH. SD14 has been on FB...I can tell by her activity. No acknowledgement, no comment, not even a " Sad " face. Nothing.

I know that I am upset and depressed and grieving and I know I am angry at the universe that my sweet dog who was only 4 years old died so young and there was nothing I could do about it.

I am also angry though that SD14 has not acknowledged this. I just feel like it's a big EFF you to our family. If it were BM's dog it would be a family tragedy and if she were with us we would probably have to immediately return her. My dog LOVED her....the excitement of her life was on the Fridays that the girls return home. I am so disappointed and yes angry that my SD14 does not even care. I am so heartbroken and depressed and to SD it is not even worth a comment or condolence. Irrational or not...projected anger or not....I feel angry (offended?) at SD14 for this.


Doubletakex3's picture

My heart goes out to you. Fuzzy love is special and so very hard to lose.

Maybe your SD is hurt that you didn't respond to her or include her in the burial. Or maybe she just doesn't know the appropriate way to respond. I suggest not reading to much into her reaction. Making an assumption and reacting to it is a waste of energy.

My heart hurts for you.


MamaBecky's picture

I was pretty distraught when I texted was right after the fact so aside from letting her know I did not want to delve into detail. That does not excuse the fact that she didn't text later...or send a FB msg, or acknowledge my post there. I wish and hope (but highly) doubt that she was just upset or didn't know what to say. Sadly though, I am almost 100% sure that she did not care. I will find out tomorrow when I pick her up I guess.

stepfamilyfriend's picture

I am so sorry you lost your dog. We have three dogs and one of them is especially dear to me and i dread the day.
I hope you find out that it was a misunderstanding or just a mishandled situation with your SD's reaction. Teens can seem void of feelings sometimes.

Kes's picture

I am so sorry about your dog and about SDs lack of sympathy. I know I would be devastated if my 2 year old dog died.

StarStuff's picture

I always think about this poem when I lose a's sad, but will maybe help you feel better. Sorry for your loss.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

TheBrightSide's picture

I agree with Echo. She did respond.

Its like you were testing her. She didn't respond again with more questions or a display of sorrow for you so she failed the test. Maybe had you called her, explained what happened to the dog (it was obviously a death that was quite sudden), included her, she would have showed you you might have had a different outcome to this story.

And now, it could be that she hasn't responded to you because she's angry. But we all know that Anger us hurt in disguise. And she'll be more hurt when she realizes that she wasn't included in a memorial ceremony for the dog.

[I am very sorry for your loss. I've had to put down two of my pets. Its still sad and I miss them very much]

DaizyDuke's picture

So sorry about your dog, it totally stinks. I have to tell you, I am in tears not only because I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet, but because your BM#2 was so gracious and kind. Wish there were more BMs like this, hell wish there were more PEOPLE like this.

{{{{hugs}}}} to you

stormabruin's picture

I am so sorry for your loss. We have 4 dogs & like you, I don't have any bio's. Our dogs ARE my babies, & to think of losing any one of breaks my heart.

Every dog has a personality all its own & each one brings its own character & joy to a home that no other can.

They have so much to offer & when people are cruel & hateful, it means everything in the world to feel that unconditional love. In my opinion, that is one of the most fulfilling companionships you can have.

4 years with a dog is never long enough.

What a blessing to have had BM#2 reach out to you & comfort you the way she has. I'm glad you have that kind of support from her.

I'm sorry SD14 has hurt your feelings in addition to the grief of your loss.

(((Hugs))) to you. No doubt your baby is romping through beautiful fields in Heaven with the other animals we've lost. Know that she is happy & well & even with the distance, she is devoted to keeping watch over you.