DH is about to cut his father out of our lives.
FIL was not an awesome father to DH, and is turning into a pretty lackluster grandparent, and a dead-beat father in law as well.
We live in the same town as BM and also DH's sister, who is BM's "bestest friend" and who hates DH for having the gall to get a divorce.
So, FIL comes in at least once a month and uses our house as a motel so that he can visit everyone, BM included.
While having an outsider stay in our house, eat our food, use our laundry machine 24/7, and talk about uncomfortable topics is a bit stressful, I have never had a real problem with his visitation schedule.
What I do have a problem with is this:
He talks about BM all the time.
He talks about the good ole days when DH and BM were married, and in front of the skids no less.
He purposefully encourages the skids to hit each other.
He purposefully encourages the skids to break all of our house rules.
He told SS6 to take a piece of cake that he WATCHED ME BAKE back home to BM because she "likes chocolate"
He preys upon any situation in which DH and I are having trouble and tries to convince DH that I am somehow being a bad wife.
He tries to stir up trouble between DH and pretty much EVERYONE DH cares about.
He tries to get DH to yell at the kids by urging the kids to do things and say things they're not suppose to do and say. He is not satisfied until DH has blown up on the kids, at which point he seems quite satisfied with the whole situation.
He lets BM roam around our house when we are gone or in the shower.
Those are my problems. DH has had several "talks" with FIL about these behaviors, and almost nothing has changed. Last time FIL came in, I had the distinct impression he was convinced that I was the problem with his relationship with DH. Never mind the fact that BM--back in the day--barred FIL from her home and from any contact with SS6 because she busted him doing drugs (he likes to sit in his car and smoke pot).
The instant the divorce happened, BM decided she had to become best friends with DH's entire family, so it no longer matters that she exiled FIL.
Anyway, I guess I feel kind of guilty about the whole mess. I know I shouldn't. At this point, FIL is not someone I want around my future kids. He doesn't respect our relationship or our house rules. He really doesn't seem to do much other than stir up trouble and then act like a poor old innocent bystander. But DH has already lost most of his family over the divorce, and now this situation with his father is making me feel very selfish and guilty. DH usually shrugs off everything and disregards his family's behavior, so I truly don't think DH would be talking about cutting his father out of our lives if I wasn't talking about being upset with FIL. But I also don't think it's fair to live my life--even in my own home--as the second wife who has to hear about the glory days of BM and DH's union (especially since it was a complete distaster). I also don't like that DH and I struggle constantly to get the skids to treat each other nicely and to use manners and then FIL swoops in and obliterates all of our progress for his own amusement.
What do you think?