I've been holding in this rant for a long time, dear MIL. It was brought to my attention several years ago that you told any other family members that would listen that I never "accepted" your sweet first grandbaby; that I never feed him or help him in any way and it just breaks your heart.

Let's start with Day 1. The first time I met your little angel, he kicked and punched me repeatedly and yelled at me to stay away from his daddy. When Daddy told him to be nice, he said "mommy says I don't have to listen to you because you're not my daddy anymore".

I am supposed to accept this? A preschooler with no respect for his father and obvious hatred toward me?

"He's just a child. Be the adult, he needs all the love you can give him".

Despite your efforts to force us together with hugs and kisses and gifts refering to me as his mother, he doesn't want anything to do with me. Believe me, I've tried every angle. He hates me and has no respect for his father whatsoever. I suppose I should let all the hatred and nastiness slide off my back and hug and kiss him whether he smacks me away or punches me. A real adult would, right? And when we drop him off to go back home with his mom, I should ignore the comment he makes saying "I just love irritating my dad" while she holds him and giggles.

Daddy gives him everything. New bike, broken in 5 minutes. Shelves for his toys, ripped from the wall. Trips to Disneyland--"I wish we were at Disney World, it just seems like it would be so much more fun". Trips to Six Flags, "I'm bored". Go camping, "I'm bored". The first night he arrives for a visit, he wants to spend the night at some other kid's house. I accept it all with a smile and trudge along because I'm the adult. Right?

Fast forward 5 years. He still hates me and disrespects his father. He throws fits at every meal. "What IS this? Do I have to EAT it?" Then he eats it and makes himself throw it up all over the table.

He throws fits at every bath time, forgets to use soap, pretends to fall down and cries every night in the tub. He hates the soap we bought him, even though he picked it out. He hates the toothpaste, the same one he picked out last time he was here, because it "burns my mouth". It is child's toothpaste.

Now, here in the present--he still "forgets" to use soap and shampoo when he showers, despite spending over 40 minutes in the shower. He "forgets" to brush his teeth every day. He has atrocious table manners, so bad that I've stopped buying spaghetti because watching him eat it turns my stomach. We can't have family meals anymore because he's so disgusting to have at the table. His room smells like nasty feet and is full of trash despite our best efforts to motivate him. He still ignores and disrespects his father, but has managed to find some respect when he wants something. He breaks or loses everything he's given.

And I'm supposed to accept this? What is acceptable about any of this? Nothing we say or do has any impact on his habits.

You have two more innocent little grandbabies who are watching him and learning from his behavior. Is it your hope that they too will grow up to be entitled, disrespectful, lazy little brats who lie and feign decency to get what they want?

"He's DH's son, he belongs here with him."

He may be, but that doesn't mean he belongs here. Your dear son is flashing a temper like I've never seen thanks to your wonderful little grandson who you think belongs here. His blood pressure is through the roof, and his youngest children cling to me when he finally decides he can find the time to spend with them after wasting all his energy on the son who doesn't give a shit about him. No, your dear grandson belongs with the woman who neglected to raise him properly, far away from where he can destroy our house and negatively impact your 2 youngest grandchildren. And I'll fight for that.

Sorry. You're right. I don't accept your little angel as my son, and I never will.

Your second daugther-in-law