Chapter 4 gave me some insight into the mind of the ex-wife. She highlighted a few rules on how to deal with ex-wives:

1. Don't Believe everything you hear. Basically this discusses how you significant other can trash his ex-wife at the beginning of your relationship, basically because he's hurt by what happened, and then later on there's the possibility that he will deny what was said.
2. The Bio-Mom's Mothering style has nothing to do with you. I think this is pretty cut and dry. It's about how the bio-mom has experience with the kids and knows what to do given a situation, and it's not that she's trying to upstage you, she's just trying to look after her kids.
3. Set Limits and Boundaries with your husband's ex-wife. Again, self explanatory.
4. What kind of ex would you be? This is a basic 'put yourself in her shoes' scenario. How would you feel if the situation were reversed? How would you act? Sally's just giving you something to think about here and is trying to give you a way of understanding the bio-moms position.
5. Never say never. This discusses how you should attempt to get to know the bio-mom if given the opportunity because to rule her out as the enemy from the get go could lead to a lot of heartache, a lot of missed opportunities, and a lot of misunderstandings.
6. Happy wife, happy ex-wife, happy life. This is a take on an old adage. Basically it's about your significant others trying to keep everyone happy, and how you should try and find the middle ground to the co-parenting situation so that everyone is happy with the situation.
7. Happy and hitched is about how the ex-wives suddenly become the nicest people in the world once they find themselves in a good relationship.

Ok, so this is basically chapter 4. I can't relate at all to chapter 4 because the bio mom I'm dealing with is off her rocker and we have nothing to do with her, so on to chapter 5.

This chapter is about finding out the type of ex you have to deal with. Here are the different types:

Poor Me! (poor you!)
This woman can't let go of the past and can't face up to the fact that she's been divorced and still treats her ex like if she's still with him. She will likely blame her ex for the divorce even if she left and loves to play the martyr. The advice Sally gives on how to handle this personality type is to get her married because she sees herself as a couple with someone. The moment that her ex has been replaced with another, she'll leave all of you alone.

Psycho Ex-Wife (PEW)
This is the one I have to deal with (actually, one of the two, you'll see later). Sally explains that this is the worst to deal with, and that they're very rare, but she says this, "For those of you who are stuck with a PEW, I send my condolences." Yeah, that made me feel better. Some of her signes are that she's forever anger in the sense that she lays blame on everyone else other then herself, she puts the kids in the middle of everything not understanding the importance of keeping the kids protected from paretnal conflict, and she flings insults, threats, and lawsuits at you at the drop of the dime. She will cause a scene in public embarassing everyone else other then herself. The best way to handle the PEW is to not have any face-to-face interactions with her, do not engage in an argument or dipute, and just let her stew in her own anger.

Some words of wisdom about this type:

1. Hold fast to the adage "what goes around comes around."
2. Have undying faith in your marriage.
3. Say your prayers to the big stepmother in the sky.
4. Never lose sight of the fact that her rign of evil is temporary (when the kids turn eighteen, she'll be out of your hair, and you and your husband will have your life back).
5. Burn sage. My friend Carrie says that her husbands' ex-wife just drains the entire family of energy. 'She's such a crazy, means-spirited person that whenever she leaves I feel really depressed. I want to wipe her vibe from our house. To save my sanity, I've devised this little ritual to cleanse the air once she leaves. It's an old American Indian tradition, originally intended to rid a place of bad juju left int he wake of an evil spirit. I'm not sure whether or not it really works, but it certainly makes me feel better when I"m done.'

Self preservation is key with this type. Having to deal with this type of person I try to just keep away at all costs. I do not need to have any interaction with her so the only interaction I do have is things that she starts simply out of spite and jealousy. Even then, vent all you need to friends, your significant other, or any stepmothers groups you may be involved in, but do not show that she's getting to you. If you do the behavior will continue.

The Good Mother
Sally explains that this is "..the Mother Teresa of motherhood, making all the other bio-moms cringe with an inferiority complex." She does everything she needs to do and is therefore very intimidating. How to handle this type is to give yourself some space at the beginning let you sink into your role and then once you've found your niche then you can build a relationship with this type.

Cool Cucumber
This type is not mean, but she's just all business. She would rather have nothing to do with you, her ex-husband, his family, etc. If she could she would wipe that all out of her life and just have the kids all to herself. The best strategy with this type is to treat her as a professional collegue and don't let her get to you. Be strong with her and don't give in to her every whim.

and lastly...

IDOLIZED MOM IN ABSENTIA (another I'm dealing with)
This is the mother that even though she decided to abandon the kids and party her butt off and start her life anew, the kids still want to be with her and still "pine for her as if she's done absolutely nothing wrong." This one is hard to deal with because she's not in the kids life and when she does decide to make an appearance you're automatically demoted from "super stepmom" to "lowly house servant" (at least that's how I feel). This woman is unreliable, tries to set the rules and is insensitive to anyone else's schedule, and the kids will brag about her like she's the hottest thing in the world, which makes you feel like you're nothing. The best way to deal with this type is to set rules with her and the kids and do not waver from those rules, and to always be honest with the kids about who or what their mother is. Don't try to keep them from the truth about what's going on with her, but don't be mean about it either. In order to keep the order in your house, they need to know the truth about their mother.

This is what I do in my house as well since I'm dealing with a PEW and an Idolized Mom in Absentia. My stepson knows everything that goes on with her. Everything that she's done to us, to him, and why the family broke up. On that note I'd like to tell you all something that happened yesterday. She actually reappeared, not physically though. She called my stepson out of the blue for the first time ever. This is the first time he has spoken to her since Mother's Day. The conversation was nothing out of this world, and was actually a bit forced, like to acquaintances talking, not a mother talking to her son. What upset me about this conversation is that she decided to tell my stepson that the reason she lost the house (as she was recently foreclosed on and kicked out) is because she used all her money to try and get custody of Dante again, which is not true. I hope Dante knows this, as he was just recently told by a social worker that she took us to court to get visitation with him, when she's the one that wasn't coming to see him. When he was told this he was upset! He stood up and screamed at the social worker, "MY MOM'S A LIAR!!! SHE CAN COME SEE ME WHENEVER SHE WANTS AND SHE NEVER COMES!!!" The real reason she lost the house is because she had a $2500 a month mortgage and was making $9 an hour before she was fired for writing a threatening letter to a judge and causing a scene at work when the place was surrounded by cops. She wasted her money on a new car, a new laptop, a new psp, a new camera, new clothes, ciggarettes, booze, and drugs. This stuff Dante doesn't know about because I think that would be trash talking about his mother, but I think in his own way he knows the truth of who she is.