This chapter is appropriately titled, "Embrace Your Identity Crisis" There is so much in this chapter that I can identify with. This chapter starts off with talking about the transition from being single to wam-o! instant family! As much as I was ridiculed by my ex and the bio-mom for this being *exactly* what I wanted, and it so wasn't. What girl does?! Yes, I wanted a family, and I still do, but I want a family of my own, not someone elses with all the problems that it brings. In the normal flow of things it's girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, girl and boy get married, girl and boy have baby. In my situation its: girl meets boy, girl falls in love with boy, girl meets boys child, girl raises other womans child with no appreciation of what she does for the boy, girl had to deal with angry ex-wife and jealous mnother in law.

Then there's the "Evil Twin". That's the person you become when you least expect it because you're just not fully equipped to deal with the situation you're in. You love the man more then life and you want to be with said man, yet in order to be with man you have to help raise his child as well. Again, in the normal flow of things you would at least have 9 months to get used to the fact that you're going to be a mother. When you become a stepmother you have 0 time to get used to it, and then on top of that, this offspring comes fully equipped with someone else's values, and the parenting that they did or did not impart on this child, along with all the issues this child suffered from it's parents break-up. Personally, I suffer from the Evil Twin syndrome more often then I'd like to admit. Dante know exactly which buttons to push to tick me off and he loves to manipulate situations to suite his desires. When I see him doing this, or when I see a behavior that I don't like I tell him nicely once. I tell him a little more irritated a second time. By the third time that I have to tell him the same thing that's it! I'm spewing green vomit out of my mouth and I look something like the little girl in the exorcist! I have a total 3-strikes mentality when it comes to repeating things and I hate, hate, HATE the fact that I have to repeat myself to this 9.75 year old about 1,335,643 times before it sinks in.

She also touches on the fact that along with this wonderful man and child comes the daily reminders that there was in fact an ex-wife, that they did in fact have a good time at one point in time before the marriage failed, and she will be a part of your life every single moment of your life. My best example of this is the stepkids constant, "My mom....." For example, I recently went to Key Largo with David and Dante and a bunch of our friends. We spent the weekend down there, took the boat, and we were all intent on having a grand time as right before then there was a lot of stuff going on in our lives and a vacation was seriously needed. So here we are having dinner at this really awesome restaurant when I notice that the little one looks troubled. "What's wrong booger? Aren't you having fun?" I ask. "Yea, it's nothing. It's just that.....I miss my mom...." says Dante. Mind you, she is the LAST person in the world I wanted to think about at this time. I've got about two mojitos in me already and out comes this, so on top of the buzz I was feeling, I was also feeling the hurt of something I didn't want to feel and felt it harder because of the buzz. She will come into conversations, dreams, and the name will just happen to pop up everywhere to remind you that she is there. What the best advice that she has to give? Basically it's deal with it, and remember that it's not about you. It's not about you is going to be my mantra.