How to Disengage from SD when it comes to physical money??
Ok folks, I've been actively disengaging for several weeks now and I am SO much happier because of it. UNTIL....this morning.......
SD12 has $17 in her "wallet," I over heard that she would specifically save this money for when she has volleyball games. (which is great because I'm in charge of money at our house and we rarely have cash to dish out.....) DH has no idea she is about to walk out of the door with the $17. (of course) I re-engage like an idiot and ask to keep some of the cash at home because she has a game tomorrow, not today. She tries to drag me into her world, DH agrees with me and says to leave cash at home. (DH argues he didn't know it was in her wallet....) DH also says, its her money if she loses it its her problem. While I view it as "why dont you give her alloted cash so she doesn't lose it..."
HOW CAN I DISENGAGE FROM THIS IDIOCY!?
Should I just NOT care that SD12 spends $17 all in one day at school.....?
Maybe I should seperate my bank account from his so I really don't care.....?
- Ltutsch's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
DH and I have never had a
DH and I have never had a joint account and I don't see us ever.
You could always do 3 accounts. Yours, mine and ours. The ours has household bills and vacation savings. Yours and mine are none of each other's concern.
As long as you are both contributing to the household properly and saving for your retirement the way you agreed to secure your future, let that stuff go if it is out of his account.
If any of that money could be
If any of that money could be considered yours then you have a say. It seems like you and DH share a bank account and you are in charge of cash at your house. Then it’s fine that you intervened because it affects you. If you don’t want that role anymore than having separate bank accounts would be good. DH and I have separate bank accounts. I don’t get involved with how much allowance he gives his kids because right now it’s minimal. I do get involved with how much he spends on skids stuff however because it ultimately effects me and my future for example how much is therapy for SD, how much are dance lessons, how much are braces etc. I also do not allow him to give money to skids to buy gifts for BM.
I'm assuming it's her money
I'm assuming it's her money that she earned in some way, shape, or form? If so, then it is hers to do with as she pleases. If she has a habit of losing/spending it all and DH steps in to hand her another $20, then your issue should be with DH.
If you want to untangle your money from his, do that. But when it comes to SD, let your DH deal with it. And if he isn't good at monitoring his kid, or doesn't see her losing $17 as a big deal, then that's on him.
This is a mole hill. Let it remain a mole hill.
this right here.
this right here.
And.. unless you both have equal kids in the home etc.. it really seems that combining your finances means you might be subsidizing his paying for her. I might suggest a joint account for joint bills where you put relative amounts of money to cover your share.. but that he have his own account where he pays any child related expenses.. and you have your own for your discretionary spending.
Unfortunately you broke the first
rule of disengagement. Because what you are think is right. No reason to take all that cash to school. Save some for a rainy day. What did you get, Both SD and DH turn against you. And took the I will do what I want road. When that money is gone DDdddy will give me more.
Even if she was your bio kid
Even if she was your bio kid - micromanaging a kid's money is not helpful. Let her take the $17 and use it all today, then she won't have anything left for her volleyball game. That's how she will learn not to do that again. Oh well. Unless DH would just fork out more money - in which case, separate your money so he can spend on her out of his funds.
How will the kid ever learn
How will the kid ever learn about saving, budgeting and natural consequences if you continue to step in and micromanage her money?
If she spends it all in one day, then she's SOL later. If dad gives her money when she spends the first $17, then the issue is with HIM, not her.