Reasonable or Unreasonable Court ordered calls????
I have 50/50 custody with my ex Week to Week, with a midweek visit. .Our court order says NTE 3 calls per week unless emergency. My gripe is that I call my ex to speak to our son 6 and it always goes to voice mail and I leave a message telling my ex to have our son call me. My ex does have him call me back but I can never get a call back the same day or on weekends he has him call me back days later..since we have no set times should I enforce this? To add ex never calls our son during my time. .
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I'm not surprised how mean
I'm not surprised how mean people are being about you wanting to talk to your kid when you go an entire week without seeing him. Personally, I miss my kid after working, I couldn't imagine an entire week. That must be difficult.
For the record, I'm a SM and I don't think you are a crazy BM for wanting to talk to your kid. I wish my skid's BM would call. Sometimes she goes months without seeing or calling her kid.
I would do as HRNYC suggested and set up some informally designated times to call BS. If your ex is unreasonable and won't set up a time, it helped my DH to call and say the time and date in the message, including how long you have gone without a returned phone call.
Also, when my skid was 6, they were happy to have either parent call to talk to them.
This is what is mean. Your
This is what is mean. Your kid doesn't even want to talk to you.
You are a crazy BM for wanting to talk to your kid when he's with dad.
I'm not saying the kid can't
I'm not saying the kid can't have fun without mom. What I AM saying is just because he's with Dad it doesn't mean he doesn't WANT to talk to mom. My skid will have friends over or doing a fun activity and they will still have a great conversation with mom in the middle of it. I have to give BM props because she is great at engaging skid in a good conversation. You can't just assume that OP's kid doesn't want to talk to their mom at dad's house. It is mean to say your kid doesn't want to talk to you anyway.
I do get a, midweek visit its
I do get a, midweek visit its not an entire week but on the weekends I feel like ex can at least make an effort in having our son call me back.
Im not sure if our son gets
Im not sure if our son gets upset after the calls I know he misses me too
It depends on who is
It depends on who is responding. It isn't a double standard if you have the same opinion regardless of who it is. Some posters respond to BM drama, and some don't. There are so many people on here with so many opinions, you can't talk about a double standard unless you are keeping track of what each individual's response is.
She wrote that AFTER I
She wrote that AFTER I responded. Doesn't change my opinion. She should be able to talk to her kid regardless.
I'm not in your situation but
I'm not in your situation but I feel that if I were.. I would let the phone calls 3x a week go especially since you get a mid week visit. I know I would miss my bios too.
You say X doesn't call when you have BS ..maybe knock the phone time down to one call a week? If you feel you really want to talk. And I would definitely recommend setting up a certain day/ time with BD if you want to go that route.
When my setup was something like yours I didn't use my phone calls. My BS was 5 at the time.
Why does whether Dad calls a
Why does whether Dad calls a factor here? Dad makes his decision on what he is comfortable with or what he wants as far a phone calls go, Mom gets to do the same. Why should Mom follow Dad's decision?
I think the issue is how her
I think the issue is how her Ex is handling the calls. Not that she HAS to talk to her son and he can't live without her and vice versa and she needs to parent him via the phone and talk to him because she is the mom. The CRAZY BM. Geez.
When my ex and I first split
When my ex and I first split up, he always called our BS on the days he was at my house. It was super annoying. While I wanted BS to be able to talk to his dad, the calls always just interuppted our lives. We had to stop whatever we were doing, so that BS could talk to his dad.
Now that BS is older (9), he just takes the phone and goes in his room and talks. It's just now slightly annoying because then I have to wait for BS to be done with my phone and make sure he puts it up safe, as opposed to leaving it in his room and possibly getting broke.
The OP really should talk to the dad and find out what the problem is and why he is giving her so much push back about the calls. Because his actions are clearly saying he doesnt feel like dealing with her OR the phone calls.
Says the SAHM who didn't want
Says the SAHM who didn't want to take their kid to a gym daycare for a couple of hours.......
She never said he had to call back immediately, she complained that it was DAYS later. You are reading WAY more into this than there is.
I think its pretty petty to
I think its pretty petty to attack the OP because she wants to talk to her kids. That is not the issue here.
IMO the issues are:
Does the kid want to talk to the BM? I know a lot of younger kids just dont want to talk on the phone. If the kid doesnt want to talk on the phone, is there another alternative? A quick, Hi and Bye?
OP needs to find out from the Ex when is a good time to call.
I think its rude that the OP calls and the dad doesnt get back to OP for a few days. He could even text back, hey this isnt a good time, call back later. With the technology today, there is no reason why a phone call is ignored for that many days.
It probably is annoying to the dad. I get it. My Ex sometimes calls when we are in the middle of something and I dont feel like dealing with it. But I just text him and say I will have BS call him back later.
If this was the SM posting
If this was the SM posting about the BD/BM, everyone here would be screaming that the BM is a bitch, she is PASing, keeping the kid from his court ordered call, blah blah blah.
EXACTLY
EXACTLY
My patience lately for the
My patience lately for the double standard is like (.) that big.
I'll just put this out there. HEY LADIES!!!!!!!! WE are ALL crazy in our own way! Every single one of you does shit that someone else will think "Jealous SM", "Crazy BM" "Needy Wife", etc.
**applause** but i'm only
**applause**
but i'm only just a little bit crazy.... }:)
My crazy level depends on
My crazy level depends on what time of the month it is and how much I have had to drink
I agree that 3 times a week
I agree that 3 times a week is a lot.
When my BS goes with his dad for a full week, we usually touch base twice during that time. Phone calls probably last 1 minute. Its a quick hi and bye. And honestly it is more for ME, but its so I know that my son is okay. His dad has the tendency to make stupid decisions at times.
I know he is having a good time with his dad, but I still miss him.
Its court ordered. So she can
Its court ordered. So she can use it.
Who are we to say that what alloted amount of time is the BM allowed to miss her kids or not miss her kids or not want to talk to her kids?
For me, personally I think that is a bit excessive. In my situation yes. However, we dont know OP situations.
I see OP, you managed to set
I see OP, you managed to set some off with your simple question. That's ok. You asked a board full of SMs and they see a view from the opposite household. Some are BMs too and they have learned to find a happy middle.
I suggest you speak to your ex (no, don't demand) and request a set three days with a time. Example, if you see exchange your son on Sunday evening, get a mid-week evening visit we're really talking about maybe Friday or Saturday being when you'd most be really wanting to talk to your son. Perhaps something like a 5 to 10 minute tops call at whatever time (1/2 before bedtime?) works best for your ex's household. It maybe be best if the evening and the around time is set and son calls you. That way Dad has enough leeway to run late on bedtime routine if they've been busy or doing an activity without feeling rushed to get the call right in time.
If you're week on/week off then with a midweek , we're talking five evenings a week where you don't see the son. You get three calls so you do have to understand that you can't call every day. The calls without being a bit more scheduled could indeed become a hassle for the other household. What with them never knowing what day/night you'll call or when. As a Dad who is having his parenting time, ex has a right to not have his household disrupted at any ol' random time you might decide it's a convenient time for you to make your call. You do have to take into consideration these times that work for you don't work for the opposite household.
Get a verbal agreement with the ex and see if this doesn't work out smoother than the calls have been going. I'm actually surprised the CO left the 3 calls so vague. What you don't want to do though is force son to stay on the phone if he's tired or doesn't want to talk. Let the kiddo take the lead on the calls. If he's for example only feeling like a maybe 'hi Mom, yeah I'm great, yeah I miss you too, bye now'? Let it go. Don't be mad or upset.