He's my everything... But skid isn't!!!
I have only known my partner 40, for a year and in that time have been full time step mother to his 4 year old daughter. I am only 24. I can't stand my sd. I can't stand to be in the same room as her. She is horrible. I LOVE children. But i find myself unable to love my sd. She acts like she is 2. She is obviously daddy's little princess. She has out of control tantrums every day. She talks like she is slow. Acts like she is slow and pretends she is slow.
Im at my wits end. I love this man, but i can not and will not love his child.
I hate that ive become this horrible step mother. This horrible person. Where did i go. I use to be so kind and fun to be around. Now, everyday i cry, i yell, i scream for help. Every day, my partner and i banter over everything. Every day i beg him to let me go. But we cant let each other go.
He wont send skid to bm because she is certified crazy. Going through courts now so he can keep custody. But where now poor coz over $35000 has been wasted on keeping the brat. Ive given up my chances of being happy, coz he wasted it on his crazy ex. When will i get to live???
Im so tired and just want to send the brat to boarding school. Which he agreed we could do if daycare and a nanny doesnt work. But i just found out that boarding school doesnt except kids till year 5-7.... Ahhhhhh.
I want my life back. I want him back. I want to breath again without the skid stealing my oxygen. Im sick of her and her stupid pathetic excuse of a mother!!! Im sorry if this is all over the place.. But so is my poor head!!!
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I am so sorry you are going
I am so sorry you are going through this...believe me that many of us have gone through that...HOWEVER, I will tell you that you are WAY TOO YOUNG to go through this...I went through this at around age 31 and I was already divorced by then (although SMART ENOUGH to not have any kids with my ex)...but NO WAY you should allow this to be your life at 24...you should be having fun, not being tied down to the BS at 24 w/a 40yr old...He might claim he loves you, but I resent any 40yr old who already has kids, has an ex-wife and would put a 24yr old through this...
Bless you, please don't take this the wrong way...but can you imagine being 40 yourself and putting a 24yr old through the crap that he is putting you through? No, it's not he CHILD putting you through it, it is a very selfish 40yr old that has allowed you to get sucked into this...he needs to find someone his own age, most likely with kids too that he can be a partner with, instead of putting this outrageous burden on someone your age who should be having the best times of her life...
I don't take any of that the
I don't take any of that the wrong way. Sadly enough i know i should walk away. And most likely its my heart and not my head holding me back. I really want to be happy, but each time i think of having to let him go... I break down.
He's that guy you wait all your life for (i know im not even half way through life). He's really amazing and warned me right from the start that he'd have a lot of baggage. He is selfish, as am i. I tolerated everything and i actually got along with sd for quite a while, but i expected differt and i thought eventually she'd settle down or live only with us part time. I expected to be able to have my own children and life also. Unfortunatly sd stresses me way too much and im always sick and unhappy.
My partner was i denial for quite a while about me not liking sd. But he's come to except it and is trying everything he can to make it.. Better (god that sounds silly). What sounds more silly is that where both trying to talk ourselves into or out of the impossible!!!
... How do i let go, when my entire body wont let me.
It is not easy. A 1 year
It is not easy.
A 1 year long relationship is a long term relationship. It will take time to heal.
I am with a man who has had issues with the same thing. Read my blogs. Little princess. However, I know it was HIS doing, not hers. I use to be angry with her, now I am not. I correct her on behavior, even in front of him, he backs me up.
Counseling, if you are both serious is my first and foremost suggestion. We did it and it has helped by leaps and bounds!
He understands my position more, and I sympathize more.
She will always be his daughter, and crazy BM will always have SOME part in his life. These are facts you must accept.
Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.'
Erich Fromm
Aside from the fact that you
Aside from the fact that you can't get along with his daughter, you should be concerned about the tremendous age gap. I know it doesn't make any difference to you now, but as the years pass and you come to the prime of your life, your SO is going to be slowing down. Your wants and needs will be at odds with each other. He will not have as much energy as you.
I know this because I did this myself. When I met my xhusband I was 23 and he was 36. Our age difference was not as pronounced as yours but it still was a major gap. He had two children from his previous marriage as well. One ultimately came to live with us. Our problems originated with him insisting I age as he did. He expected me to be 40 when he was 40. I grew very restless and frustrated.
Knowing what your future has the potential of being as long as you stay with this guy, really think whether your unhappiness now is worth it.
Caylz, you're just a child
Caylz, you're just a child yourself as you said "I'm ONLY 24". You're at the age where you need to have attention, romance, excitment. You won't find that with a 40 year old man who has a child full time. Trust me, live your life.
Oh my goodness. You are
Oh my goodness. You are only 24, have known this man for 1 year and for the entire time you have been the stepmom? I didn't even meet my husbands kids until I had dated him for over a year. You jumped into this way too soon sweetie.
If you cannot love this child, you must go. It isn't fair to anyone----------ESPECIALLY YOU. He should know better at 40. He's going to ruin his kid.
run for your life sweetie. Enjoy YOUR life, he's sticking you with his problems. Don't let him do it. And if you stay with him you must try to do right by that child.
Oh god how lost am I!!! Will
Oh god how lost am I!!! Will it really be possible to live my life if i leave him. Won't i only live a life of 'what if'... But then again i'll be doing that either way, wont i???
I truly can not imagine my life without him. But i can't imagine my life with skid, the way she is, forever.
Perhaps i should try couples therapy first. Atleast see if there is a glimmer of hope. I just don't think i could ever walk away from him, without trying every possible option first. It would break my heart more so to leave, then to stay! He truly is my everything. I never thought i could ever love a human being this way...
Ahhh, this is horrible!!
Love isn't always enough.
Love isn't always enough. You sound very young, innocent, and in way over your head.
Instead of couples therapy, try figuring out why you are so co-dependent.
Then go to couples therapy if you are still together.
Good luck sweetie.