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WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME???

LOSTINTRANSITION's picture

My husband and I have been together for 16yrs, married for 2yrs. He and I have children from previous relationships, and a few of our own. I've watched, and advised him raise his children. There was no separation of status between our children...we were a family. As his children grew older, they were constantly in trouble. And I kept telling myself, they will grow up and I don't have to put up with the nonsense. When we decided to finally make our union permanent, we got married and only my children attended. I had expressed I didn't want his older children present. Only one really expressed how they felt about not being able to attend. Needless to say, it caused friction and words were exchanged between her and I. It's been a couple of yrs since she and I have conversed, but when I hear her talk to him over the phone or hear that she needs something from him, I become upset. I don't know if its me being selfish, resentful, mean... I can't pinpoint it. Prior to this incident, we were ok. I put up with her because she is his daughter.

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LOSTINTRANSITION's picture

My husband pretends he's Switzerland. He doesn't call her out when she's wrong or me when I'm wrong. He does have a tendency of babying her. He speaks to her as though, she's still a tot that has no one to support her. She has two children of her own, lives in her own apt with her significant other, her maternal family is supportive, including her mother. Her mother was not always structured or cooperative when we first began our relationship, but as they got older, she matured. I'm not one for drama or chaotic environments. As they were growing up, it was always someone calling him or me that one, if not both were fighting in the streets, arrested, ran away, causing chaos... My husband and I had to deal with it, and the BM was too busy living her life. After a while, I just looked forward to the day that they would be of legal age to no longer feel obligated to support him in guiding them. Our kids are younger, and I wanted him to focus on raising them, instead of chasing after his older kids. I feel guilty for having negative feelings towards them.

Sweetnothings's picture

I am disengaged from the adult skids but previously when they contacted DH it was always for something and / or money . So I think I have some sort of almost Pavlovian conditioned response to a skid contacting DH. I used to think it would get better when they were older too but I still feel my radar zoom right back up when they reach out to contact him.... It is still ALWAYS asking for money and even about coming to live with us !!! ( OH HELL NOOOOO !!! )

I think yours ( and mine) is a natural response when you've been put through the step dramarama for too long.......

LOSTINTRANSITION's picture

I just feel guilty because my eldest daughter from a previous ship is someone's SD. And I would hate it if her SM sees her the way I see my SD. Granted, my daughter at 17 has not given me any probs. She's a straight A student, reserved, well-mannered, home body girl.

LOSTINTRANSITION's picture

That's why they will get away with whatever they want to with our husbands. Because they will use the "I'm daddy's Princess or baby girl" to get their way. Daddy is too busy caught in the moment of "how much his daughter seeks him/loves him/needs him" that he doesn't realize that it's only because she wants something. Like man up and talk to her like an adult. Stop coddling her like she's a baby. You're husband doesn't realize the damage he's doing to your SD. He's a crutch in her life, and what he doesn't realize is that when he's no longer around, she will not be able to fend for herself. And a 22 y.o should be resourceful and independent.