He's Back
SS16 has been here about 5 days. So far it's ok. He's been pretty polite for the most part. I've been much more direct with him than I used to be. But I can see that he's slowly pushing at those boundaries in order to see how far he can go. I used to not see when it was starting and then I would emotionally react after he had the tension level cranked so high my nerves were completely frazzled. I have figured out from past visits that it takes about 2 weeks and he tends to take over the entire house. DH and I let him do it so I realize it's our own fault and I'm determined we're never allowing it again.
DH said last night he already feels "in the middle". He says it's hard to keep ss16 from "acting rude", especially when it comes to me. I've asked DH specifically to put a stop to ss16 constantly questioning my behaviors. It's my house, my life I can do what I want and I don't answer to a 16 year old. I can do cartwheels all day if I want and it's none of his business. The other issue I've made very clear is that I watch TV when I want, on the couch and I don't get edged out. I don't watch TV more than 1-2 times a week in the living room anyway and DH agrees it's more than reasonable that they move over those times I want to watch something. I haven't had to enforce it yet but I certainly will.
Also, no disrespectful comments or behaviors allowed, ever. We'll see.. it's bound to happen sooner or later. DH knows that if he doesn't address it, I will. I absolutely can't live with disrespectful behavior anymore. Never again.
We'll see how this goes. I feel sad about the situation. I don't enjoy ss16's visits. DH feels stressed out all the time that things will get out of control. I can't imagine things will ever get better. This is as good as it gets. Maybe we'll get better at keeping boundaries with ss16... but the tension will always be there:(
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When we first moved into
When we first moved into condo we had one long couch in the living room. When the skids were over they would be on the couch, one lying down the other sitting, and when you walked into the room, neither of them would move so you could sit and watch TV. Many times I would just sit at the high bar type table we have with SO. He's usually working on his computer at that table while they are watching TV. Well, I would not sit too long and watch TV since the bar stools don't have a back and are wooden, how comfortable is that. I made SO buy a new couch, an L shaped so we all have room to sit and watch their stupid movies. But most of the time I go to the bedroom and watch what I want or take a nap so I don't have to watch Harry Potter for the 15th time.
The skids can really edge you
The skids can really edge you out and I'm so sick of it. It's something that I'm so super-sensitive too that I feel I will fly off the handle at the slightest edging from ss16. One small move on his part to push me out of the picture and make me unwelcome in my own home could potentially unleash so much chaos that even the dogs would probably run and hide. It shouldn't be this way, I shouldn't have let things get this far.
DH says I'm putting ss16 "under a microscope" now and that I'm watching, waiting for him to make one wrong little move and then I will pounce. I feel that I'm just making sure I keep boundaries in place and I'm absolutely convinced that I see a pattern of him slowly pushing his limits until before we know it he's taken over again and the tension in our house makes life miserable. Am I being paranoid and over vigilant as DH seems to think? I think I'm being wise to pay attention and make sure my life isn't the same hell it was last summer and the summer before. DH just thinks I'm being unreasonable.
This morning I wanted to run away from home. LOL. It's been less than a week that he's been here and I feel tense and irritable already.