Must've forseen my own stupidity
Is why I've been quiet on here.
After my last blog I found a place to live and put down the actual deposit, good to go. The only reason I wasn't 1000pc was I was worried about the effect on bd5 emotionally, and she'd be leaving the nice only home she knows for well not the nicest. Cue dh bawling his eyes out and begging us to stay. Wasn't moved by that, but was actually moved when he promised to sort all the issues himself, for good, and phoned a mediator the very next morning.
So I've sat in a weird limbo, missed my deadline to move and waited, kinda knowing it was a mistake. Due to covid it's taken ages. He did his by phone, bm did hers after her holiday n every other excuse. She then decides to mediate, course she does, loves an audience. So, today is the big day. Call me cynical but I can read it like a book, dh forgetting n flapping about the issues he wants to raise n her shouting the loudest if not crying herself for attention. So last night I asked him if he'd made notes to help himself. He said only the email I sent to mediator weeks ago. Well it was a pretty bad jumbled mess tbh. I said why don't you do bullet points with numbers, in order, with the mobile phone at the top then lesser issues. In his version he is essentially begging the ex to keep ss mobile at home n look the bad guy, not gna happen. He says what would you say, I said I would say its not beneficial to his time here, its a distraction, and it's not safe. We have no idea who he's talking to on what media so, code please, if not we confiscate it bar he can say night to his crowd over there. Whelp dh not only didn't like it, he starts with the whole 'you've never liked my son' thing, which he hasn't done in years. I'm so disappointed n tired. I stayed calm and said OK so in 2 years when bd is 7, are you happy to hand her a mobile phone with no parental control? There's zero safety, and in our case a world of emeshment and alienation to boot, but I hate your son? Whatever. I dnt hate the kid, I've just totally lost interest, didn't stand a chance from the start and put that on his and his ex there and then, went to bed.
So now, whatever the outcome of today, I'm annoyed we are in the same old blame game, sounds like all the issues are my fault again, rocking the crappy boat. Mentally I'm more than I have ever been done On one hand I wish to god I moved out. But, on the other, and my friends and family with me, why should I. We've only as recently as this week sealed some major investments, that were meant to complete last year. in 2 yrs if I can Hold out we can buy a nice home each, or at least 1 keep this house. And bd would be around 7 to 8, older and more Able to comprehend a split. I guess the reason for my blog is has anyone managed to bide their time that long? in a non violent, but worn out disinterested family unit?
Dh came up this morning n gave me a heavy kiss, I was pretending to be asleep, maybe his way of trying to apologise, but I'm truly over it.