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Lellygirl's picture

My stepdaughter turnned 18 last week. All she does when home is statmy in her room on the phone talking to her friend or older sister all hours of day or sleeping. She shits and showers and goes to grandma's every week when bored to see her older sister and only acknowledges her dad for food or a ride or ro go to family functions. She is incredible slob n hasn't learned to drive or will get a job and says she's finished with continuation school in 2 weeks.  She treats me like im not even here and unappreciated or includes me in any conversation etc. Unless she wants somthing. I really like it when she's not here and I can have time with my husband. She dominates him and he plays the friend and guilty parent. I feel like she's nit going to be learning to be independent n move on. 

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Lillywy00's picture

I really like it when she's not here and I can have time with my husband. She dominates him and he plays the friend and guilty parent. I feel like she's nit going to be learning to be independent n move on. 
 

i know the feeling 

THIS is why I am adamant about no kids especially skids (or even bio kids) with no home training, no skills, no contribution living up in my home past high school or 18. 
 

No and NO. 

 

I give them warnings all throughout life that I'm not obligated to anyone 18+ / out of high school so they better prepare to live in dorms or get a job and rent with some roommates. 
 

Adult Kids are THE worst roommates ... they don't pay full market rent, most of them are entitled and lazy, they think that now bc they're an adult they can come and go as they please, they'll eat up all the food, waste my utilities, and don't let them have the audacity to bring their friends/lovers/FWB up in my house and be f-cking in my home. Then next thing you know they got babies n sh-t and now it's 3 generations in a home that's supposed to be an empty next for 2 adults only. Now you're the built in provider + nanny 4 life 
 

We are forced to deal with the shenanigans while they're minors, not so much when they're adults 

Its her dads fault he thought you'd want to raise a permanent dependent and constantly compete with his daughter for spousal / adult time

Rags's picture

Is she out of HS yet?  If so, you have now won the re-key the locks lottery.  If she is a pig, even if she isn't yet a HS grad, she is 18 and you can re-key the locks and keep the pig out of the house.  Pigs who have reached the age of majority do not earn entry to the home, or for their presence to be tolerated.

DO IT!!!!!!

My SS graduated at 17.  He turned 18 3mos later.  He was on our dime until his B-day.  After that, his presence in our home was day by day and dependent on his completion of the ever increasing chore list from hell.  If he missed getting the list completed, he was on the curb the next AM.  He tested us twice on that standard of performance. Once was when it was hot and humid as hell. The next was a chilly day.  He never mised the chore completion after that. To stay the next AM he had to have the chores he missed the day prior to his lockout and the chores for the day of the lockout done before his mom and I left for work the next AM.  After 4mos he enlisted in the USAF delayed entry program after figuring out that labor 60-ish hours of labor a week for a roof over his head and food was not what he wanted.  His work day started when we left for work. He had to have the list done by the time we got home, then he prepped, cooked, and cleaned up after dinner.  He remained our beck and call chore boy until he reported to USAF BMT 4mos after enlisting.

As challenging as it is to light the burning platform to get a hesitant kid to launch, that is what quality parents do.

So, induce an escalating state of abject misery and get the SD out on her own to finish growing up on her own time and her own dime.

It worked well for us and for SS-31.  He is approaching his 14th service anniversary and is 6yrs and a few mos from full retirement... His mom and I are very proud of the man we raised. He is a man of character, honor, and of standing in his profession and community.

IMHO of course.

hereiam's picture

What is your husband doing to get her prepared to launch?

I would have a serious conversation with him about what is to be expected, now that she's 18 and will be done with school. Lazing about your home will not be accepted.