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New to blog and need help with SD!

LC87's picture

SD spends every Tuesday and Thursday with us, as well as every other weekend. My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years and my SD (now 7yrs) has had an attitude issue since the very beginning. There are so many situations/issues that I would love to touch base on and hear any advice possible but the issue that is on my mind now, is her sleeping...or lack of sleep... patterns. We have been living together as a family for 2.5 years and started sleeping in a separate room from SD a year and a half ago. Just recently, within the last 2 months, SD began having trouble falling asleep at night. She was claiming that it was too dark in her room. This went on for a couple of weeks until she had 2 night lights in her room, her TV on with the volume on MUTE, the bathroom light on so it's shining on her bed and a nightlight in the kitchen that shines into her room. Now, I thought all this was excessive, considering she's been sleeping with just one small night light since she has had her own room, but of course, her father doesn't see what the problem is. Then, all of a sudden, all the lights weren't enough and now SD "is afraid of sleeping alone". So, when she is put to bed (with all of the lights on), she waits about 10 minutes then starts crying. BF goes to her, consoles her and tucks her back in. 10 more minutes go by and SD starts crying again, BF consoles and puts her back to bed.. again.. and this would last for about an hour until she is finally asleep for the night. This went on for a few weeks until it got to the point where she was up crying every half hour, from her bedtime at 8PM until 12AM!! BF would even lay in bed with her a few times until she fell back to sleep. But it got to the point where even THAT wasn't enough and one night she ended up in OUR BED (we only have a small full size bed so it does NOT comfortably fit 3 people and guess who was up the rest of the night hanging off the side of the bed?.. YUP, ME!)The next morning, I made it VERY clear that that would never be happening again! A few weeks went by where SD had a couple of sleep overs at my parent's house and BF's parents house.... with no sleeping problems what-so-ever!..... Then this past weekend happened!....

(keep in mind that BF was working on his 13th day in a row of getting up at 3am for 13 hour work days)

FRIDAY NIGHT: SD went to bed at 9pm and was up every 40 minutes. She would cry in bed and when she wasn't tended to, she would get up and come to our room and cry at our door until BF would get up and put her back to bed. This went on until about 1AM! The next morning she claimed she didn't remember any of it, which is strange because she always remembers.

SATURDAY NIGHT: SD is in bed at 9. At 9:30 it begins... she starts, not crying but screaming! BF goes to check on her. She's fine, just said she misses her mom then goes back to sleep. A couple hours later and her 3rd time of waking up, I could hear her crying but BF was sleeping. She cried for about 10 minutes and then I could hear her start walking to our room. I didn't want her to wake her father again since he had to be up in a few hours for work so I jumped out of bed. She must have seen that it was me coming and not her dad because when I turned to the bedroom door, I could see her running back to her room. When I got to SD's room, she was in her bed, pretending to sleep!!! At that point, my suspicions grew stronger. I'm not a doctor so I can't tell if there are any underlying reasons to this bedtime behavior BUT I have a strong feeling that SD is just being a manipulative brat and trying to control her father! I nudged her and she rolled over and looked at me. I firmly said that staying up all night was not a way to be able to see her mom any sooner and she is to not get out of bed again unless there was an emergency! I also told her that if she woke up and started crying again just to get daddy's attention that both bedroom doors will be closed and she will have to cry herself back to sleep. I tucked her back in a returned to bed. I just started falling back to sleep when I heard the whimpering. Both BF and I went to her room and SD laid there with a nervous look on her face as I explained the door situation to BF. He then turned to her and said "I guess your door is being closed now, Goodnight honey" and we all went back to bed. A little while later I heard her crying again. The crying got louder and louder until eventually we heard a little knock on our door. This happened 2 more times until BF got up to get ready for work!!!

The next morning when I woke up, I was in a terrible mood and SD was in a fabulous mood! I asked her what she was so happy about and she just shrugged her shoulders. I reminded her of the night before and when BF got home from work we talked to her about it again.

I'm not sure what else to do. This whole lack of sleep thing is making me and BF miserable for the rest of the time that we get to spend with SD. SD's attitude and behavior isn't the best to start with and this whole situation is making it THAT much worse! PLEASE HELP!

Comments

12yrstepmonster's picture

For background info:

Dd12 did not sleep all might until she was into s book. So almost 6. We were up two times a night and could be anywhere from taking her back to bed to being up two hours with her. Come to fond out this is a sign of ADD.

Second I am from a long line of parenting that did not let s child cry themselves to sleep.

There has to be a trigger. A reason behind the action.

Find the reason, you can cure the problem. Sd would break out into hives around the age of 11 at bedtime. Why? She started staying by herself, bm just moved a bf in, and sd was watching the news all the time. We finally started asking her why she was scared. She was scared bm was being hurt. We used logic on her and it stopped.

Why is she missing her mom? Is it because dad is working oalot of OT when she's there. Is she manipulating her dad for attention,can it be given in a better manner? At a better time. Is there a bedtime routine?

Nothing is worse than being scared and not allowed to go to a parent. Just saying - I remember being terrified at night and not being allowed to go to my dad.

LC87's picture

She does the same this when she's at her mom's house. It just started at her mom's a couple of weeks ago. Getting up at night but when she's told to go back to bed she says she wishes she was with her dad and she misses him. And it can't be that she doesn't get the attention from her dad because when he's not working, they're always doing things together, whether it's playing video games, reading books, playing outside, going to the zoo etc. There is a bedtime routine too. She gets her jammies on and brushes her teeth, says goodnight to me, gets in bed, calls her mom to say good night and then says good night to her dad and goes to sleep. I understand that sometimes the child is legitimately scared and needs to be comforted but when this has been going on for so long and every couple of weeks, there's a new "reason" that she comes up with AND the way she reacts when its myself to get up and put her back to bed... it makes you think that she's trying to manipulate her parents

Pook's picture

When you mentioned that your SD ran back to her room and pretended to go to sleep when she realized it was you that was getting up... well, that is darn suspicious.

It almost smacks of her just wanting constant attention.

You always want to err on the side of caution.. maybe suggest to DH that a doctor appointment be made for her to explore these issues. I am assuming she is only over on the weekends, but her sleep pattern could certainly affect her school performance.

LC87's picture

Her mom is making a doctor's appointment.. or so she said.(she's a whole other issue). Some of the kids in my family and a few on BF's side take a small dose of melatonin to help the with their sleep problems. BF wanted to try it out for at least 1 night, but BM is completely against it because of the POSSIBLE side effects. We are supposed to only have her on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and every other weekend but I'd say on average, she sleeps over about 9-12 nights/month.

rottierunner's picture

It sounds like "something" is going on ?
Anxiety, ADD, plain old neediness ?
It's so hard to discern whether she's looking for attention or ?
Some of the behaviors seem to indicate that she just wants her father's attention ?
(I have a 12 yo SD who STILL needs to be tucked in at night by her "Dada")

On the other hand, if she is having trouble sleeping, it may be scaring her ?

Good luck !