If they live with you, I don't see how you can, unless they are with Bm for that week. I mean you can't just let them do whatever they want, eat whatever they want, etc. You have to parent, right?

I've had this question on occasion. I would maybe cut back on some of the extra bonus stuff. I don't know.

Dawn

Depends on how serious you are, I guess...serious enough to change DH's schedule so that you AREN'T alone with the kids? Is that possible?

Also, are they old enough to do for themselves?

For me, disengaging was a step I needed to take in the long process of letting go of my marriage and SS. I had to start taking myself out of situations where I was always doing for them, and situations where I would potentially have to deal with BB's nonsense. In your case...what do you hope to accomplish by disengaging? Is there any other way of getting to that goal?

I agree with the PP...can you cut out any "extra" things that you do if DH can't be there? Providing meals, doing laundry, keeping the house generally clean and getting the kids to school are your most important jobs as the only adult in the house. After that, anything else is bonus. I guess that's where I'd start!

That has been an important lesson for me with one of my stepchildren in particular. He has a gift for making me angry. Through family counseling, I am beginning to learn that I am responsible for giving him the power to make me angry. What he wants, desperately, is attention and I feed that when I'm angry. The reality is that I control whether he plays XBox, sees friends, goes to birthday parties, etc. when he is here. Instead of being angry, I just take away a privilege, without emotion, when he doesn't do what he should. When he does do what he should, I go overboard on the effusive, "great job" thing. It seems to be working so far.

It's a tough gig, though. Hang in there.

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