He's 23...does he still need to come on vacay with us?
So a breif history....
I have 2 kids 13 son and 10 daughter....we have been togther for 8 years and his son is now 23.
Lets call him Kyle...so brief history of kyle...
Suffers from depression but does nothingbto better his situation, ,has chrons, does not go to school, work or volunteer...i think he is registering for school in Jan? He has a very bad temper and blames parents for his " misfortunes" entitlement? Treats parents with disrespect...much more when he was a younger teen. He relies on his dad for basically everything! I really dont see him putting effort into life and expects to get what he wants. He is a very difficult person to be around because its always walking on egg shells for the people around him. Trust me i have been there and supported him when he was in his teens but now he is an adult i feel like i cannot influence him anymore. I choose just to stay away from the drama. His mom does not help the situation. A lot more situations i can tell you about but it wuld go on forever.
So brought him on 2 vacations already...mexico and cuba...mexico was ok and no issues cuba 2 years ago was a nightmare...he started drinking and decided he wanted to blame his dad for his life misfortunes and " ran away" while in the resort..he was 21 at this time. Anyway if you can imagine this type of drama happening in cuba!!! Thank god nothing happend but he put his clothes and shoes on the beach chair like he drowned himself in the ocean. He has history of causing drama and running away in the past so his dad would worry and go looking for him. Running away was a common episode. he did apologize the next morning but i was pissed! From that experience i said to myself i wuld never put myself in that position again!
Last year i took my 2 kids on vacay and left hubby at home because he said he would feel bad going on vacay without kyle. So suit yourself!
This fall have a vacay planned with my kids and hubby and refuse to bring kyle...keep in mind he is 23 now.
So i am a bad person not wanting kyle to come with us...i anticipate him losing his temper and wrecking the vacation for everyone. Do i just give up and pay for him to come and prove me wrong and tell hubby this is the last vacay with us? We all work so hard throughout the year and i want 2 weeks to enjoy without any worries.
What do i do?????
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Nope.
Nope.
After graduating high school,
After graduating high school, the rule was if we wanted to go on the family vacation, we had to pay our share.
And this was with us kids who were objectively GOOD kids.
Vacation is a reward for hard work. Your SS isn't working. He has no need for a vacation. You're paying for it, so say no. You aren't wrong for saying no in this instance.
Thinking of hubby
I say no and hubby feels bad for going and leaving him behind...kyle will probabaly pull the same poor me bs and get his psycho mom involded..."how dare you go on vacation and not take ur son!". DRAMA...ivreally not a bad person and to tell u the truth i do not enjoy being around kyle.
Thanks for you comments!
Who care what BM thinks? Why
Who care what BM thinks? Why is your DH still listening to her rants when their "child" is 23.
This ^^^ tell BM to take him
This ^^^ tell BM to take him since she wants him to go on a vacation. The nerve of these EX's.
You said 2 years ago was the
You said 2 years ago was the last time, then this time will be the last time, then next year.... just NO. It's a complete sentence. Don't allow your hubby to guilt you into another drama episode 'decation'. If hubby threatens not to go, call his bluff.
I will start by saying that I
I will start by saying that I'm in my 20s and my parents still take me (and my older and younger sisters, all "adults") on vacation with them. So I clearly do not have any objection to adult children going on family vacations - I think it's great! We can't always all go, because we have limited time off from work, can't always work out schedules, etc. I will also say that my parents (who are wealthy and can easily afford it) pay for us to go with them. BUT . . . we are good company. We don't cause drama. We can entertain ourselves so that my parents can have time to themselves if they want it. They *want* us there to spend time with us.
In your case, this "adult" kid causes drama. You don't enjoy being with him. He has ruined vacations in the past. AND it doesn't sound like there's a lot he needs a vacation from, since he doesn't work or go to school. So while I generally don't think there's anything wrong with taking adult children along, there is no way I would want to go on vacation with this skid. If your husband can't see why you don't want his kid tagging along, then you have bigger issues. As for the BM, who cares what she thinks? If she thinks her kid needs or deserves a vacation, she can take him on one. If your DH's son wants to know why he isn't invited, your DH should let him know why, and suggest to him that when he gets his act together, is working or going to school, and has been a calm, respectful, helpful, non-drama-producing family member for a substantial period of time, you might reconsider taking him on vacations with you.
Why would you want to
Vacation with a 23 yo who’s going to give you drama. After Cuba vacation, this kid would never come with me on vacation again. Age of kids really don’t matter if you have a good time with them. Not with drama king
Sounds like my SS
My SS is only 12, but he already causes drama. I feel as though I have a Kyle in my future.
Right now, SS is banned from having his phone at our house because inevitably DH will try to parent him or say something that he views as criticism and he will run off into the trees behind our house to call BM and cry and say how DH is so mean and he wants to go home. He also made a big production about telling DH that he knows “secrets” from BM about how DH “caused the divorce”, so I can only wait until he is old enough to accuse DH of ruining his life, when he fails to enroll in school or become gainfully employed - which will be more to do with the fact that BM never requires anything from him than from anything DH could ever do.
I’ve already warned DH that I won’t want to be around SS if he is still trying to cause drama when he’s an adult.
After his stunt in Cuba,
After his stunt in Cuba, there would be no way on this EARTH he'd be going on vacation with me again! And I don't care if he apologized! Dammit, you just don't DO things like that!
I'm not the forgiving type on
I'm not the forgiving type on things like that. My ex MIL ran off one year on Chrismtas eve so ex FIL would chanse after her leaving me and my ex begging his sister to have christmas dinner with her and her boyfriend (they already had separate plans because boyfriend wasn't allowed in the house because he was too 'low class' - he was very nice - just working class).
I grew up in a house with tons of christmas drama from my mother. I refused to do Christmas with her and I refused to do Christmas with my in-laws after that incident.
My point on this is that bad behaviour means exclusion. You work hard to pay for these vacations. I also don't have a problem with treating adult kids to vacations if it's within your means. However, adult kids have to behave. They need to bring something to the table. Vacation trips aren't a right, they're a privilege. If Kyle had pulled a stunt like that with me, I'd be like "never again" - you don't have the right to ruin my rest and recuperation time with that kind of BS. I would, in future, entertain the notion if there had been a complete turnaround in behaviour in his day to day life. But it would have to be maintained over quite some time - a couple of years at least.
Your younger kids deserve a
Your younger kids deserve a vacation that is not ruined by SS.
No he does not.
No he does not.
I haven't been on a family vacation since I was in high school.... My younger siblings and parents went to CA on a two week vacation right before my little sis graduated. My older sis and I didn't go. Because WE DON'T LIVE AT HOME.
AGREED
thanks everyone for your comments...reading everyones input solidified that i am not the "evil stepmom". I will hold my ground and keeping my promise that I will not put my kids or myself through a stressful vacay ever again! Orlando here we come!
You're not an "evil
You're not an "evil stepmother". So go on vacation! Enjoy and have a blast with your kids. If your H refuses to go that's on him but let him know the drama from SS will not be tolerated and you'll be d@mned if he ruins another vacation that you worked so hard for.
Do you darling and have fun!
Is he being treated for his
Is he being treated for his depression?
I have a family member who has Chons. Her's is very severe and it makes her absolutely miserable. And she ends up taking it out on her parents. Is it right? No.
But it's a chronic condition that gives her a lot of pain and makes her unable to do anything sometimes. So I do feel for her.
But if your stepson is like this, he shouldnt be travelling far in the first place.