FDH's Rights Concerning His Son's Medication (not sure if that's the appropriate heading)
SS10 was recently diagnosed as ADHD. Over the start of the fall, he started taking medication for it. At the beginning, we noticed a huge difference in his behaviour - more reserved rather than bouncing off the walls 
His medication consists of 3 different pills that he takes every morning and night - I'm assuming he also takes them at home. Just over the last 2 visits, we've noticed that he's gone back to his "usual" hyper self - he can't stay still and he's always running around with our 5-yr-old son. We're starting to question the effectiveness of these pills as they seem to have stopped working as well as they did in the beginning. Just recently, BM was taken off FDH's medical benefits so she now has to pay full price for her meds. And I'm wondering if she is cutting back on her son's meds since money will now be a little tighter for her (not sure what the costs of her and SS10's medication are) - so she might only give him the bare minimum so that his meds don't get used up as fast. Also, some medication requires you to take different doses at different times (ie. take 1 a day for the first week, then increase to 2 for the following week, then take 3 the week after, etc), so that would use up his pills pretty quickly, requiring her to refill the prescription more frequently. Is this a valid concern for me/FDH? He only sees his kids every other weekend, but he does administer any medications they are taking when they come over. I mean, if BM is not giving SS10 the right dosage, then he won't get better (if ADHD CAN get better); and it would be wrong for her to interfere with his medication, wouldn't it? Especially if she just received (and already spent!) a hefty amount from the gov't to supplement the costs of this medication! Sorry if this doesn't make sense, but it's really irking me. Does FDH have a right to at least ask that she show him the prescription bottles for the medication, just to verify that SS10 is getting the proper dosages?
PS. Pls no rude comments, ty!
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It does sound as if she is
It does sound as if she is not giving him the full medication - this can be dangerous as you need to titrate some meds - I take medication for Adult ADHD and tried to get off of it once and you have to slowly get off of the meds - if she is giving him the meds some days and not others and as little as she can she could be putting him in a lot of danger - can't she get him on the state program or can FDH put SS on his insurance so she can afford the pills. ADHD medication does not only "quiet" a child down as people who think that these meds should not be given but I know for me it actually helps me to concentrate and be able to function day to day - I have been on them for about 2 years and I do think it might be time to increase my meds a little as they do not seem to be working as well as they did - but I am thankful I have them because before I started taking them it would take me sometimes over 2 hours to get out of the house in the morning - now I can concentrate and get ready and be out the door in 15 minutes. I think you FDH needs to address this with his ex!!
Very helpful comments so far
Very helpful comments so far and I'm glad I'm not just delusional about this.
@happyformynewlife: the extra bottles is a great way to do it. All we get is 3 little pills in a ziplock bag! SS10 HAS gained a bit of weight since going on the medication - I never thought that he might have to change his dosage to accommodate this!
@caregiver1127: SS10 is covered on FH's medical benefits and he told me that SS10 is also covered by the gov't (?), so she should be able to afford his meds (not to mention that cheque she recently got)- I mean, she's constantly buying the kids new toys/etc, so she clearly has enough money (but what that money actually goes towards is another long story!)
How can I push this on FH to get him to pursue this issue with BM? Well, actually, I HAVE mentioned it, but FH probably doesn't feel that confronting BM would have any effect or gain any results. She'll say it's none of my business, but I feel that what goes on in MY house (ie. SS10's hyperness rubbing off on my son and disrupting every day life, albeit unintentionally) IS my business! And these pills are supposed to help SS10 - he can barely read as it is due to his lack of concentration and whatnot. It's ridiculous that she gets all this money (approx $7000!) - supposedly to help absorb the costs of her son's meds - yet she STILL spends it frivolously! ARGH!!!!!
I would definitely have FH
I would definitely have FH talk to BM. Hopefully they have a good co-parenting relationship and he can talk to her without seeming abrasive or accusatory. If she really is cutting back on his pills because of financial issues that is really very sad but (hopefully) she wants only the best for her child and if FH can talk to her and gingerly ask if she has noticed a difference in SS's behaviour and how the recent benefit cut has affected her maybe he will get some info out of her. Even if he was to offer her help (because all anyone wants is for SS to be healthy and comfortable) it could spark conversation and you might find out what's up. On the other hand maybe the medication is just wearing off and like caregiver1127 said it's time to switch it up. Maybe BM doesn't know this and needs a nudge to get her and SS back to the doctor. OR maybe it's neither... But to put your mind at ease you need to talk to FH and have him speak with BM. Talk to him sincerely and let him know that this is important to you. Not just because SS10 can be somewhat of a terror... But for his own health and wellbeing.
My skid has ADHD. The meds he
My skid has ADHD. The meds he is on is a time release capsule, he takes it in the morning and keeps working until around 3 or 4 pm. He does not receive meds on weekends, vacation or summer vacations. His med is not the type that needs to stay in his system to maintain a therapeutic level.
I would have your Dh call the Dr. and find out what the med is and how it operates. It's probably controlled substance and the Dr. would need to write out a prescription frequently for him to get it. You can also get a print out of the child's prescription history at the pharmacy BM uses. We did that and found out BM was continuing to fill out prescriptions when the Dr. said to stop the med ( it was an anti-depressant) BM was giving it to skid in properly.
Sounds like he is not on a
Sounds like he is not on a stimulant? If he is taking them at school you should be able to tell you what is going on there and they have to have a copy of the orders. We do the same things with the bottles and have copies of the orders directly from the doctor.
Tell DH that it is illegal not to have the orders and he has to get them... That should get it more involved.
Watch "The Medicated Child"
Watch "The Medicated Child" from PBS...it's free on Netflix.
PS - ADHD never gets better. You either "control it", ie. make yourself be a zombie with meds or "you don't". Simple. Medication greatly helps "parents"...it does little to help the child.
I have heard this often....
I have heard this often.... as an adult who in all probability grew up with ADD, still has difficulty with concentration and focus, and who now has an 11-year old with severe ADD.
I too feel a little bit of resentment towards the statement that I'm turning my child into a drooling zombie, or I'm doing it to make life easier for myself.
As a parent, it is heartbreaking to see a very intelligent (yes, his IQ has been tested and is very high) child unable to succeed because he is unable to concentrate. Or to see his self-esteem go down the gutter because he is always in trouble at school for being impulsive, talking, "always moving around"; and never having friends because the honest truth is, who wants to be friends with someone who's always in trouble?
To me, that's like questioning someone who's diabetic and takes insulin -- hey, if you'd just eat right, you wouldn't need the medication to control your blood sugar.... you take insulin just to make it easier on yourself. (PLEASE -- to any diabetics, I know exactly why insulin is taken, and the complications that arise if blood sugars are left uncontrolled... please don't get mad at me!!). Assuming that in ALL situations a little "self control" and "discipline" is all it takes to control an illness, whether physiologic or mental, is presumptive.
@herewegoagain... I think
@herewegoagain... I think that is insulting to imply that parents who put their kids on meds do it to make their lives easier. SS13 has been on meds for some time now... it was a difficult decision to make and involved a process of finding the right meds for him... by no means is SS a zombie... it was difficult for SS to have peer relationships prior to being put on meds (kids shyed away because he was too hyper and "hands on")...and his learning struggled because focusing was a difficult for him... he is an A/B student now (where at one point he was in special ed because he required extra help to function). As he has gotten older SS is actively involved in his medical decisions... his input on how he feels is discussed between DH, pediatrician and I. As parents DH and I strive to do best by DH and the ADHD meds give him the tools he needs to be successful and have a normal childhood experience...something every child deserves
^^^This. The decision to
^^^This. The decision to medicate is almost never easy.
"but is it possible BM is
"but is it possible BM is giving him less than he's supposed to get and is either taking the meds herself"
It's a big possibility. She's always complaining to FH about all the "stress" she's under (due to her own lack of parenting and letting the kids run wild) and how she has "anxiety" (which is one of the symptoms he's getting the medication for)...I'll have to find a way to push this onto FH (verifying SS's medication dosage and obtaining his own copy of the prescription) without it sounding like I'm out to "get" SS...The only problem is that he has no desire to start things up with BM because she WILL have a fit (even though they're HIS kids), and he's the kind that just lets things go and lets other people worry about it (bad, I know!)...I'd just hate to let it get to a point where he lets it go for so long that SS goes back to his hyper self and someone gets hurt for it - SS will NOT listen when we tell him to stop or slow down (part of the ADHD, I'm assuming) and our 5-yr-old knows no better.