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LOSING MY BEST FRIEND AND MARRIAGE BECAUSE OF A 24 YEAR OLD STEPSON!

KYMBERLY's picture

My husband and I have been married alittle over 3 years, but we had dated for 8 years prior. We both have sons from previous marriage. His were 14 and 12 when we met and mine were 11 and 13. We lived in two different homes while the kids grew and finished high school. Once the last one graduated HS we began looking at moving in together, which we did in 2007 and then married in 2008. During this time 3 of the boys lived with us part-time while in college, my oldest only lived with us for a year due to the strain he put on our marriage. I had to ask him to move out as he was not following the little rules we had and was putting a strain on our marriage. So he did and is doing great... my husbands oldest son finished college and due to where his job is he moved in with his mother (he is now 26 and still living with his mother.) My youngest who is 23 is in his last year of college so he is only home in the summer and then you wouldnt even know he lives there. Now for the trouble..... my husbands youngest son is 24 has a better fulltime job than I do. Has a company car, benefits etc. He asked to move back in when he got this job to get on his feet and figure out where he was going to live, we allowed it as a temporary place to live. Well, somewhere along the line I was not aware that my husband advised him that he could not live with us forever.... instead of telling him it was temporary and giving a target date. Now he has been with us 9 months with no plans of finding another place to live. He instead goes out and spends his money on a jacked up truck, $1000 hunting guns and hunting trips. He lives in our nice home in the finished basement him and his girlfriend come and go as they please have the pool table, bar, poker room large screen tv etc to use as they please....This boy ain't ever gonna move out, would you?? I told my husband that I was tired of never being able to use my basement and never having any privacy. Of course because we are talking about his baby he becomes defensive. We argued and fought and finally my husband agreed to tell him that he was not allowed to have his girlfried over anymore. Well, basically what he did is said that I did not want her there anymore instead of standing behind me like I did when my son was living at home and not working out...I am to the point where I try to find things to do when I get off work so I don't have to go home and deal with the angel boy.... My stepson is ruining my marriage. My husband and I were best friends, did everything together, now stepson is always there either in person or texting daddy 24/7.....God I want to scream!!! I really don't think my husband has still told him to move out, I think he just keeps telling me he has to make me shut up... I believe my husband thinks he will move out without him saying anything and rockin the boat...You can cut the tension with a knife around the house, especially since I have started taking the basement back... I have started using the basement as if he does not exist and boy does it piss the stepson off!!!

Comments

gijimenez5's picture

That's what you should have done a long time ago, because you let him get comfortable, but if you would have done that from the begining it would have lit a fire under his butt.

Jsmom's picture

Tell the kid to move out. Plenty old enough and if Dad ain't going to I would. Otherwise, a threat and a follow through to leave may make some type of impact on your husband. Sometimes we have to shock them into getting it.

For me it was telling DH that at the rate he was going with not backing me up and letting SD run this house, was going to make him divorced for a second time and what a failure that would be for him. Seemed to be a lightbulb moment for him and he started seeing his daughter for who she is.

Do not let this kid take over the downstairs. Make him as uncomfortable as you can and keep telling him to move out.

Kilgore SMom's picture

I have a sister that is dealing with the same things with her bios's. They just won't go. Unless of course she called the law which she won't do. Thank goodness her DH only comes in every 5 weeks from work or they would already be divorced. If grown kids are going to live at home they should pay rent. I think and apartment with a bar and pool table, big screen TV that should go for at less $2000. You could get a sign that sayes there are no free rides here.

KYMBERLY's picture

THAT WAS THE BEST ADVISE, I SURE WISH WE WOULD HAVE DONE THAT TO BEGIN WITH. IM NOT SURE WHY WE DIDN'T BECAUSE WHEN MY OLDEST MOVED BACK IN WE SAT DOWN AND DISCUSSED THE DUES AND DONTS AND EXPECTATIONS ETC. BUT OF COURSE THAT WAS MY SON NOT HIS....