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Am I over reacting

Kyjahart13's picture

I'm with a man who I love and adore and can see a future with. He has 2 kids both 17. One boy and one girl. I have 3 children. A 27 year old son and a 22 year old daughter. My first son was 4 and passed away.  I love children and have always done everything I can to help any child in need. The situation i am in now frustrates me to the point of crying and debating if I should leave. We are perfect together but he had a 17 year old daughter who is lazy and extremely spoiled. She does absolutely NOTHING but play on her phone and sit. We have tried to get her involved in things but her answer is always "no..I dont want to". If her dad pushes her or gets on to her the first thing she does is start crying and screaming "you dont love me!"  She sits  . The recliner and barks orders out to her dad and brother "go get me a cookie..go get my blanket...put my shoes on....I want starbucks....I dont eat leftovers....I need my nails done, give me 40 dollars".  Am I being stupid by thinking things will change or am I being selfish?  She doesnt go to school either. She will be with us and be perfectly fine...until it's time for school then she suddenly has a headache or is "throwing up". I feel so helpless

His son is polite and makes excellent grades. I dont get it.


ndc's picture

No, you're not overreacting.  With a different kid, I'd probably tell you to hang in there because she's going to be 18 within a year.  But from what you described, this girl is going to be a failure to launch.  Your SO is doing her a huge disservice by not getting tough on her.  Taking her phone away, ignoring her commands, giving her chores and not giving her money for things like getting her nails done (she can earn her own) would be a good start.  The likelihood of your SO doing that is slim to none - he sounds like an extremely weak parent, and I wonder if he's tougher on his son or his son has turned out well in spite of his father's lack of parenting.  In any event, I think you have many more years of more of the same with his daughter if you stay.

Kyjahart13's picture

And she is not going to school again. She called her mother blubbering and she gets to skip again

Thisisnotus's picture

oh my gosh I could have written that WORD for WORD about my SD almost 17.....she is the exact same way. She won't even drive or get a license...she says she doesn't want to.

If you can leave, I would really consider it. Or make very clear strict rules that she is OUT of your house after high school.

SeeYouNever's picture

I imagine your SS resents this girl just as much or more than you do. if you decide to talk to your husband about this I will come from a standpoint of fairness between the two kids. Because it's pretty clear that he does not have the same expectations for both of them.

Toomuchdrama01's picture

To be honest... she is only going to get worse! I'm dealing with one now and I have been in her life since she was little. Over the years the lies, stealing and attitude has escalated  and my DH claims he sees all of this but refuses to correct her! I know you love him but some of these stepchildren can be pure evil and she sounds like she is full of it!! Praying that it gets better! 

Kyjahart13's picture

I feel better knowing I'm not crazy or selfish. I've talked to my SO and told him everything I see and everything that frustrates me. He says he knows and he is trying to make things better with her. Just last night she called asking him to stay home from school. He said absolutely not.  She lives with her mother but is with us ALL the time. We have no alone time. We plan a date night..she wants to go..he feels guilty and she goes. After a good 30 minutes she wants to leave...its frustrating. I love him so much. She also has epilepsy. I feel like she uses that as a crutch to get what she wants. She hasnt had a seizure in the 6 months we have been dating. My first son was epileptic so I know what to watch for and what to do in situations dealing with seizures. I'm not discounting her condition but it just seems that as long as everything goes the way SHE wants....she is perfectly happy. She controls where we eat..what we watch on tv...what we listen to in the long we stay somewhere. :(  I am going to give it a little more time but if it doesnt seem to change...I'm gone. She isnt going to be a functioning adult in the big world and I cant do this for the rest of my days. Laziness frustrates me especially in teenagers. My father would slap the taste out of my mouth if I acted anywhere close to the way she does.