You are here

SD15 - gone 4 months but coming for Xmas

ksmom14's picture

Basically all my blogs lately have been about SD15, her crappy attitude and her disappearance from our home. Which looking back has been great, I am more relaxed, no doom and gloom cloud over the household :) 

I do feel bad that she doesn't want to be here, because we've done nothing wrong to make her want to shun us so much and it's frustrating, but I've moved past that finally.

Then of course Christmas reared it's ugly head!

With her choosing to leave and not visit at all, DH told me not to get any gifts for her. But then of course what happens if she does show up! I mean part of me wants her to see the consequences to her actions because she is the one ignoring us, but at the same time how do you not get anything for someone for Christmas?

So I bought a book (Humans of New York) that's a compliation of small stories from random people which I thought could give her some empathy and thoughtfulness. She'll probably never read it, but I think it would be good for her to, so I think that's a fair gift. Also I caved and bought an electric egg cooker that she would always use at our home for her to use at BM's house. After I bought it I told DH and he was like "so you bought something to go in BM's kitchen? That's messed up" and I realized my dilema, but whatever it's already purchased. So that's the only thing I have for her right now that she'll actually like.

So last night DH messaged her and the following ensued (summarized)...

DH: are you coming for Xmas because we need to plan

SD15: yes, I'll come Xmas eve (normal switch day anyways) and get picked up on Saturday

DH: so only 2 days?

SD15: yea, or I guess I could get picked up sunday if you want, but I'm getting a new kitten for Xmas and I want to spend time with it

DH: you don't have to come at all if you don't want to

then nothing....

OBVIOUS gift grab which I directly told DH while I was venting at what BS that all was. Which actually surprised me, I didn't think she cared enough about material things to give up on her dissapearnce just for the sake of gifts, but it's pretty obvious that's the only reason she wants to come for Xmas.

So DH is "thinking about what to do from here" which is probably not to buy her anything else, which I agree with but will be hard for me to follow thru on.

Ughh this is going to make Xmas so freaking awkward and stressful Sad

Comments

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Same here. SD 14 came on her b'day. Then again on her dad's bday under the guise it was to see him but in reality he bought her clothes and other things as well as took her out to eat.  I guess she felt gracing him with her presence was gift enough LOL!  I would not expect anything less than an appearance for Christmas.

ndc's picture

I'd be returning the electric egg cooker.  No way would I be buying an appliance for BM's kitchen.  Let your DH get her something else if he wants to.  Sounds like he might not care.

ksmom14's picture

I know, I feel kind of stupid for not realizing that buying that for SD, meant I was putting an appliance in BM's kitchen!

I'll probably just gift it to someone else!

ksmom14's picture

We keep our money together and it's worked for us, so no seperate gifts from me or DH, it's always just from both of us. I'm curious to see how he responds to this...

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Why would your DH tell a fifteen year old she gets to decide visitation?? Ugh.

If SD does decide to come for Christmas, make sure your DH gives her a wish list for the other kids. She wouldn't want to come to the gift EXCHANGE empty handed; that would be embarrassing, and you wouldn't want to make SD feel bad, would you?*diablo*

I'd get her something small and impersonal, like a gift card for make up. 

ksmom14's picture

He let her decide because she was being terrible to us and to our yound DD's

My previous blogs explain it...DH doesn't put up with being treated poorly well, doesn't matter who it is, he's willing to cut anyone out of his life if they're not good to him.

DH keeps saying "what's the point of spending time with someone who doesn't want to be here or spend time with me, not thank you"

The skids have never (except on a few occassions) bought anything for anyone else.

advice.only2's picture

Maybe DH could get her a few items for the new kitten...this way he's still giving her a gift, but it's not really a gift for her.

ksmom14's picture

ooo that's a good idea!

Maybe I can convince him to buy her kitty litter hahahaha 

Ok, just kidding on the kitty litter, but it would be funny

thinkthrice's picture

As soon as the novelty wears off,  that poor kitten will probably be neglected or abused as is SOP for narcissistic BMs and skids.