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The lack of planning is driving me crazy

ksmom14's picture

I'll try not to make this a novel but SD16 chose to go live with BM a year ago and has only been back sporadically, and most recently only to use DH as a taxi service. 

With school starting back up in 2.5 weeks there's been this question of what's going to happen with SD16 and SD17. The old schedule skids were with us 10 days, then BM would pick up every other weekend from Thursday PM to Monday AM. SD17 has been coming week on week off during COVID/ online school, which has been fine. With in person school starting back up I assumed SD17 would go back to the previous schedule and had no idea what SD16 was going to do. Apparently BM is trying to get a different position at work that would allow her to keep SD16 with her basically all the time and continue 50/50 with SD17. 

I honestly don't care at this point what the schedule is, what I do want tho is an actual schedule and for it to be regular and consistent and not just changing on a whim. 

BM's plan right now is to get this new position at work so that on the weeks SD17 is here with us BM will be able to drive SD16 to school herself. I think they're still somehow expecting SD16 to come here after school until BM can pick her up each day from our house, but I'm not sure yet. Then on the weeks SD17 is at BM's house, BM expects SD17 (who does not have a license yet and has not been driving very much recently) to use BMs old car and drive herself and SD16 to and from school. The issues with this is:

A. SD17 does not have a license yet -  and school literally starts in 18 days

B. BM does not have this "new" position yet, there's only been talk about it

C. BM lives 1 hour away from our house/ the high school both SDs go to 

D. Both SDs are in a specialized high school, but SD17, being a senior will actually be on site at a community college Monday - Thursday each week which is 20 minutes away from the high school. So when on BM's time, she expects SD17 to drive 1 hour south down to the high school to drop off SD16 in the am, then drive back north 20 minutes to her own facility (the community college). Then after school will have to drive 20 minutes south to pick up SD16, then an hour north back to BM's house. By the way DH and I literally live less than 1 mile away from the high school. So basically 3 hours of driving each day on big highways for a 17 year old senior with a super new license, in an advanced program with basically all college courses. This seems crazy to me.

Anyways, all of that stuff even if I don't agree with it, I don't care at this point. My problem is that they have all these grand plans, but I have no idea how they expect this all to come together and work out in just a measly 18 days! If this doesn't work out, I assume both SDs will just revert back to the old standard schedule, and in that case we need a lot more food, and SD16 needs basically a whole new wardrobe because she essentially moved out back in December and has nothing here (that's a whole other issue).

Just the uncertainty of all of this is driving me up the wall!! I just want some dang realistic plans!

 

Comments

Harry's picture

Don't get involved.  Let BM and DH handle all transportation.  Not your kids, not your problem.   They don't ask your oppinion .  Not your problem. 

ksmom14's picture

Yea transportation definitely won't fall on me, just all the unknown stresses me out. I'm a major planner, and I like knowing what's going on, even if I'm not involved. 

I'll be busy dealing with DH and my DD's DD3 and DD5, so I won't even have the capacity to offer help for skids

Dogmom1321's picture

Don't let their problem become your problem. My DH is currently going through the EXACT same thing. 

They are supposed to be doing 50/50 one week on, one week off, switching on Fridays. Here's the problem.

- BM now lives an hour away round trip from SD11 school. There is no way she can take her during the weekdays.

- DH hasn't made even one step towards coming up with a plan. 

I already know what's going to happen. BM will be asking DH last minute if SD can stay with us on "her time" so DH can get her to school. DH will oblige because he has no backbone. SD will get annoyed that she has to attend school & spend more time at our house. Therefore, making everyone miserable and begging to go live with her BM. 

The lack of planning used to REALLY bother me. Now I don't care if SD is here as long as DH can also take DS to daycare.Leave it to DH to stress about. 

Cover1W's picture

LOL - last night DH looked surprised I was going into work on campus today.

Um, my schedule is always planned a MONTH in advance and is on our calendar in the kitchen. My days at work are on there.

Turns out he made plans with YSD and didn't bother to actually PLAN anything. So nope, you don't have the car today.

Ki2619's picture

I would be frustrated too. And while you may not be the one transporting them it's still more food to plan for. It's not that difficult to make a schedule and my dh is doing the same thing. I can't and won't help anymore just because we need to go by what bm decides but the not planning and not knowing drives me bananas.