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Nothing to do with stepkids- SO being overbearing

Krisk222's picture

Submitted by Krisk222 on Sun, 10/28/2018 - 10:46am

ok, I know this has nothing to do with stepkids or stepparenting. But I’m hoping to get an outsiders point of view on this. 

My boyfriend and I have been together for some time now. We have had issues with his kids and therefore I’ve taken a step back. I told him his parenting (or lack thereof) is the reason why. 

So for the series of events that have followed;

he sent a dozen roses to my work. I work as a nurse on a busy floor. Primarily with other women. They have seen the flowers come before (he send them now and then) but this arrangement was massive. It was humiliating. I told him thank you, but it really was kind of excessive and please don’t do it again. We fought about it. We made up.  2 weeks later I get the SAME EXACT arrangement at work.  And we fight because I am now mad that he didn’t listen to me. 

Then, he asks if I’d want to go away for the night this weekend since we haven’t been away for some time. I say no, we have plans early Saturday, my dog is recovering from surgery and I don’t want to send him to someone to watch, etc etc. 

Lo and behold, he texts me early Friday to pack a bag, we are going away for the night. 

So the fight begins. I’m ungrateful, any other girl would be happy to have this stuff done for her.

am I wrong? Or do I have every right to be angry?

 

 

Comments

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 10/28/2018 - 11:09am

Sounds like gaslighting to me. 

I think flower arrangements are an enormous waste of money and I would never leave either of my dogs if they just had surgery.  So I'm like you - I wouldn't be grateful for what he did.  So you can tell him it's not true that "any other girl" would be happy about it.

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sun, 10/28/2018 - 11:15am

These behaviors would be waving big shiney red flags for me. It's like he's trying to "force you" into things by "wearing you down".

I have read your previous blogs also. I think you should definately wait to move in with this guy. Your instincts are firing - TRUST THEM. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sun, 10/28/2018 - 11:39am

I feel you have serious issues with his kids.  I agree with you, others may not.  But the point is that the way you feel and roll.  Unless he does some serious parenting, to keep you, it’s going to be a disaster.  Always remember, something can happen to BM and you will have the kids 24/7.  Kids must act this way at BM also, so it’s going to be hard to do much with them is BM is not on board. LOL  This may not be the one for you 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Sun, 10/28/2018 - 12:14pm

Doing "nice" things that you ask someone not to do is no better than that person doing a bad thing.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sun, 10/28/2018 - 12:32pm

To me, if a gift or a gesture is not thoughtful, there's not a lot of point to it.  The first time your BF sent the large flower arrangement, he might have been being thoughtful.  After he was told that you didn't want it, he was being controlling or manipulative or dismissive of your desires - anything but thoughtful.  The most thoughtful "gift" my SO gives me is to stop from time to time and buy me a gas station slushie on his way home from work.  To me, that's far better than a dozen roses.  I love slushies and when a slushie walks through my door at the end of the day, I know my SO has been thinking of me and is trying to make me happy.  A dozen roses?  Unless you adore roses, he's just doing what HE thinks a boyfriend should do and what he thinks will impress those around you and make himself look good, not what YOU want.  Making arrangements to go away when you've said you can't?  That's either selfish (he wants to go and you're going to go with him, damn it!) or evidence that he thinks he knows what you want more than you do.  Neither is good, and you have every right to be mad and "ungrateful."

I have no suggestion other than to keep your eye out for more of these "red flags," because they are concerning.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Sun, 10/28/2018 - 4:10pm

Red Flags. He is love bombing you. You are hesistating so he is guilting you and making you compare yourself to other females who would love all this attention. Reality is that no, most of us adult women do not find it loving to send excessive gifts to our workplace or to take us away for a weekend when we are busy with Life at home. Let me ask, did you make a post to your social media thanking him for the first arrangement? It is a huge possibility that he is only do these things for you for the attention he will recieve as being a "good" boyfriend. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 10/29/2018 - 1:25pm

Your dog is just out of surgery and he wants you to abandon your fur kid to someone else, or pay a kennel fee. Because HE wants to get away, for himself. He wants to look good to your coworkers by impressing them with over-the-top arrangements. For me, a long time ago, I told then SO-now_dh that insted of cut floral arrangments, he can show his love by getting me a flowering plant. LOL. So he does! He does it because thats how he knows to show his love, because thats what I mentioned really makes me feel loved. If you told him "thank you but please", hes not doing it to show his love, hes doing it to stroke his ego about what a great "catch" he is, how "lucky" you are to have him...

And your potentially future step kids? oh boy!