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How to cope with BM for happy occasions ...... HELP

Krazykitty6380's picture


Ok, so this is my first entry. I have been barely making it work with my SS13 for the last 11 years. SO and I are not married ... but again it has been 11 years. I need to know that I am not alone in this!

SS13 will be graduating from 8th grade in two days. SO an I could not be more proud, and planned a nice long weekend camping trip with my family (as BM live in FL and we are in IL). Her family that lives here has NOTHING to do with SS13. Now 2 days before she is flying up to "play mommy" and I have to take a backseat. I am the one who chose to stay when she moved out of state! I am the one cooking and cleaning after him! I am the one who has to be the bad guy with homework and chores ... yet now its something I can show him support and she comes in to steal the day. last night during dinner we were talking about the camping trip and he asked if his BM was going with us .... The only reason the SO is still breathing is that he said no.

Now our plans are going to be subject to what she wants! I know that she is the BM and I know that he wants a relationship with her ... but I just want to smack him in the head and make him see that I am here everyday and she has only seen him 5 times in 11 years!!!

How do I stop feeling so hurt?


Totalybogus's picture

You are the custodial step-mother. For all intent and purpose, you are the mother. Your relationship with your ss does not have to change, neigher does your everyday lives. Treat her like an aunt coming to see her nephew graduate. Allow her to be a part of the celebration, but in a visitors sort of fashion. Continue with everything you planned and don't let her interfer with it in any way.

Remember... she is the visitor. You are the one that is always there.