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DH refuses to take a stand

Kelly_thestepmum_in20s's picture

Good day all

DH & I have the skds everyday after school until 6pm, when BM knocks off. I always prepare enough food for 4 of us. SD is such a picky when it comes to her food (unless if  DH feeds her, she won't finish her food). Her leftover, I always put it in tight lunch box for the next day. 

After school (2 pm), she complains about the food  not being nice to DH. DH said to me : I should stop giving her leftovers and only give her food when she asked yet SD refused to finish her food.

I told him (I'm not going to cook 2 meals just cos of SD unless you will start cooking for SD. Mind you, he works night shift & spends half day asleep.) He seems like he doesn't like the idea of cooking for his D. 

Just a vent. 

Comments

Kelly_thestepmum_in20s's picture

SD [7]

Siemprematahari's picture

If he's not the one cooking and giving his child food than he needs to shut it. If he doesn't like it, he can take on that duty. Instead of being grateful that you're taking the time to do this he's expecting for you to cook a 2nd meal? This is an easy fix, he can forgo an hour of sleep and prepare the food himself for his picky daughter. 

Kelly_thestepmum_in20s's picture

Thank you for your words. That seem angered him when I suggested that he should do then cook for her. 

ESMOD's picture

If possible, I would see if your husband could see to packing his daughter's lunches and even prepare her dinner if what you prepare is not within her "picky zone".

If that is not possible, and you "KNOW" what she will and will not eat.. I see no reason to continue to beat your head on a wall and waste food.  If you know she won't eat pigs toes.. or whatever you want to cook.. don't make extra for her.  Just don't.  On the days you make things you know she is unlikely to eat.. make enough for 3 and slap a sandwich together for her that is on her "safe" list.  I mean,.... I get you don't want to cook wholly separate meals.. but nuking a few chicken nuggets.. or making her a cheese sandwich.. (or the like).. is not all that much extra work and beats throwing good food down a disposal.

If SD is old enough.. and if she is past the age of 8.. she should be able to manage nuking the nuggets herself.. or at least putting together a simple cold sandwich.. let her take over prepping her own meal if she doesn't like what you are cooking.. she can pack her lunch for the next day.

I mean.. yes.. I get it.. not your job to "cook two meals".. and your DH should be caring for his kid... but the reality may be that you DO the cooking.. and so trying to force a meal on her twice that she has already turned her nose up on.. isn't going to work.  I mean.. I wouldn't eat leftovers of firstovers that I didnn't want.  why would your SD? Maybe don't fill her plate as much to start?  give her a very small portion.. if she doesn't like it.. toss it out.. or make her dad take it for HIS lunch.  sending it with her is an exercise in futility.

Kelly_thestepmum_in20s's picture

Even if its just 2 spoons, she will either eat a bit, whinning about the food not being nice or she will quick return the plate with "I'm full"( and request for bread or any snacks which is available) . SD is 7 and only have them from 2 till 6 pm everyday after school. BM has a primary custody of the kids. 

Trying to Stepmom's picture

If BM has primary custody and you and your SO only have SD until 6pm, BM should feed her. Just feed her a snack after school. 

 And if BM has primary custody, stop packing SD's lunches. Let that be on BM. 

HowBoutScottyDont's picture

I also will not cook a separate meal for any kids in the house - this goes for both bio and skids. I WILL make an exception if any one of them is sick, in which case I have homemade chicken soup for them. And if they are old enough to make a PB&J, they can get up and make it.

Perhaps offer the kids the same - either they eat what you make or they can have a PB&J, and if they don't like it.... tough noogies.

Kelly_thestepmum_in20s's picture

The only thing they can eat all day long, if possible it's cornflakes, chocolates, yoghurts, bread and cookies. 

TwelveLongYrs79's picture

If any of my kids don’t like what I’ve cooked (which really is rare, or that it’s anything extraordinary outside of what they’d normally eat)...they can have a sandwich or a bowl of cereal...or be hungry. And they have to make it themselves. I’ve already spend my time cooking, I’m not running a restaurant! 

If DH wants to feed them snacks and other BS: let him. Do not cook a whole other dinner. Disengage from this fight, and when they are “starving” by the time they go home to BM...it’s his problem. 

Ispofacto's picture

Given the choice of a cooked meal or a bowl of captain crunch, many of our oppositional SKs would choose the cereal every time.  And learn nothing about compromise, manners, etc.

IMO, they eat what is served or not at all.  Within reason.  I wouldn't served stuffed peppers to a 5 yo.

Everyone can have one or two food they dislike.  Killjoy's list of foods she could eat was about 5 items.  She thought that made her special.  It made her especially obnoxious.

 

Powerfamily's picture

If BM picking them up at 6pm then she can feed them dinner.

I'd give them a snack and mom can give them dinner.  Or if dh really wants them to have a meal then he can cook for them.

secret's picture

dinner at 6:15pm

Hungry? Apple...yogurt...whatever small snack to tide them over until they have dinner at their mother's

Problem solved