Dear Valued Users,
It's with a heavy heart that we announce the permanent closure of StepTalk.org on August 31st, 2025.
This decision wasn't an easy one. For over twenty years, StepTalk has been a source of support for stepparents around the world! However, over the years, the costs associated with maintaining and upgrading the site to remain secure, meet current standards and maintain availability have become unsustainable.
We are incredibly grateful for your support, contributions and the community you've helped us build. Your engagement has made StepTalk.org a special place and we cherish the memories and connections made here.
We would especially like to thank Aniki for volunteering to be a moderator and for caring so much.
Thank you for being a part of our journey and we wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
Dawn and The StepTalk Team
Comments
You can help by reinforcing
You can help by reinforcing whatever punishment/consequence Dad delivers. You can also stay out of it and let Dad flex his parenting muscle. If the behavior is directed toward you and your SO is unavailable OR refuses to handle the situation, handle it yourself by either removing yourself from the situation, chewing out said child, removing a privilege that is yours to control (like if you allow the kid to use the internet you pay for, you change the password and don't give it to them), or a combo of all three.
Really, your response should be based on what you're comfortable doing, what Dad is comfortable with you doing, and whether Dad practices what he preaches. The less that Dad does to correct the behavior, the less you should do, too, because it will only end in either Dad being mad at you or Dad putting you in the disciplinarian role, neither of which are your function as a SM.
For what it’s worth it’s the
For what it’s worth it’s the one good reasonable advise I got.
I honestly want to ring his neck off right but jeezzzzz I’ll keep those thoughts to myself. Thanks a lot
Stepparenting is full of
Stepparenting is full of nuance. What works in some situations doesn't work in others. How my DH acts isn't how another one does. My expectations aren't the same as another SM.
My advice is to always communicate your frustrations, but do so constructively. Explain how the lack of manners worries you, embarrasses you, etc. Keep it about the behavior, not the kid, and how it makes you feel. Then ask your SO what you can do together to address the issue in the future.
Some parents get very defensive whenever you talk about their kids. If he shuts you down an refuses to do anything to correct his kid, there isn't much you can do other than address the behavior if it is directed at you. You have the right to lawfully protect yourself and address attacks made against your person. Be prepared to chew out your SO if you do discipline his child when they are disrespectful to you. If he doesn't like you protecting yourself from his unruly child, he can leave. You have the same option if he refuses to address the behavior.
I wish there were a magic pill or piece of advice to solve it all, but there isn't. My recommendation is almost always communicate to find a mutually beneficial arrangement, then if that doesn't work to disengage, and then if that just leads to a snarky, ungrateful, hateful, resentful SO to leave.
You are not a step mum, you
You are not a step mum, you are not married....
you have no say in the matter, simply tell your boyfriend to control hi monkey or the monkey will not be going with you to shops or anything, BF can stay at home while you go or BF and SS can go on their own.
You are not married you have options, but do not get involved
Is the kid of typical tantrum
Is the kid of typical tantrum age or do you have a teen rolling on the floor?
Kids test boundaries. Even if mom isn't allowing the behavior it doesn't mean that the child may not test his dad's resolve.
What does your DH do in these situations? There is really nothing you personally have to do other than stand there quietly out of the way while he handles this situation.
A good response for him would be to pick up his child and tell you that they are going to sit in the car and wait for you to finish the shopping.
Even if mom is permissive and dad's rules are different, it is possible for the child to learn to mind his dad's rules.
So what did your BF do when
So what did your BF do when the kid started the tantrum? I guess I need to know that, before I encourage you to "reinforce" his punishment. And what is he doing when kid is super rude at home? and how old is kid? I guessing 4? 5?