My SD and Her GM.....Feel like I'n outta the loop!
:? So my Mother-in-law is very involved with the raising of her grandchildren which makes it way too difficult for me to build a relationship with my 17 yr old SD. My husband is very laidback and nothing really bothers him and he is used to having his mom make decisions for his children and sometime him. My SD's mom really isnt involved, but i feel like i'm outta the loop on decisions that are made........don't know my place....help??
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Google emotional blackmail
Google emotional blackmail and find a good counselor for your husband if you want this to work.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your insight on this. Just feel like i'm on the outside and I have to watch where I make comments and about what and be careful of whose toes I step on.....just tired of it all...good thing she's a hogh school senior and almost out of the house
She is always in the middle
She is always in the middle of almost everything within the family and i'm tired of fighting for what i believe is right. She made it VERY clear that it was HER grandchild, firstborn at that, and she has raised her and will continue to raise her because SHE KNOWS WHAT's BEST for her.. UUGHHHH! Great points you have here!
StepAside you just described
StepAside you just described what my ex`s mother is. He never stood up for me in front of her. I am so glad I left him and the relationship . Thankfully, I do not have children or marriage with him. I admire you for staying and being able to withstand this. I was not able to . I experienced everything you described. My ex was not able to see any of this - he believed his mother and that he is a bad father and all that crap.Everything you describe is my ex`s mother - one on one. Actually, his mother used the words: you will pay for bringing anafiodorova for Christmas! It was crazy. Mind you I avoided her all year long and this was the first time I was seeing her in a year.
I would not advise anyone to stay in such circumstances and if they have an easy way out - they should seek that with kindness and love. It is very toxic and unhealthy. My ex has contacted me after 10 months of no contact. No way I am getting back to this crappy situation. Not worth my health and sanity.
My DH also lived with his
My DH also lived with his parents with my SD since coming home from the hospital. SD's mom moved in but then moved out. My MIL has been raising her the majority of the time evr since. My SD and my D were having problems when we began to blend our families. Sure enough my MIL took sides and claimed that her grandchild was in the right and my kid automatically had to be the reason things weren't working out. I felt bad for my D and even got her couseling outside the family. My MIL claimed that my D should'nt be taking so long to adjust to this new family....I mean WHO IS SHE to put a time frame on someone's adjustments??? My MIL spoiled the crap outta that girl and is teaching her that the world owes her something.
I have nebr heard MIL call my
I have nebr heard MIL call my daughter her "grandaughter" but my children do call her "G-ma" for short. On Christmas she gave the two girls both the same amount of money as a gift and so did we. My MIL then pulled out like three extra gifts for my SD (diamond ring included) and also had given the same rings to her other two grands. My D didn't say anything but there's no wonder why she is still adjusting. she could've did that in private.
My Dh lived with his parents
My Dh lived with his parents after his divorce; MIL raised SD from a toddler until 6, also. I remember before DH and I married, she pulled me to the side, told me she was happy her son was getting remarried but she and Gpa really wanted SD to stay with them-which, of course, was not going to happen. But, I think it would've been better if she had. My MIL still had more say in SD's life than I did when SD lived with us. My parenting style was always compared to MIL's, too, so it was never going to be good enough for anyone. My MIL had 4 children and SD from infancy; naturally she had more experience. I married into a situation where I had no experience raising children and criticized from Day 1.
At least your SD is 17; try dealing with it for 12 years like I did.
If your DH and MIL make decisions without you, don't get pulled into any situations where you're expected to participate. For example, if they decide to buy SD a car for graduation w/out discussing it with you, then don't get involved in the insurance or payments. If Gma decides that SD needs an expensive new computer, then she pays the installments, not you. Not your kid or your problems.
As a matter of fact, there is
As a matter of fact, there is a discussion about splitting the costs of a car for graduation. I don't think I want to get involved since you put it that way. He still discusses financial matters with my MIL sometimes before coming to me. drives me crazy!
The only more dangerous thing
The only more dangerous thing is when your husband believes her or buys into her craziness. I went through that - and I almost got crazy too. My therapist advised me to never ever come close to him or his family ever.
She is also very religious and talks about the devil and the seeds of devil. I am orthodox christian and she told me that I am not Christian?! Go figure. She is Baptist.
My ex send me an e mail after 10 months of No contact saying that he is praying for me and my family?! I have not responded. I have only love and compassion for him and his family. But when you forgive and let go it does not mean that you have forgotten. I have forgiven but not forgotten and now I choose to send love and kindness to his family from very very far - I am on another continent. I send my blessings from a distance and in my thoughts I let them go with kindness for they do not know what they have done.