SD sick!
The last 3 family vacations SD (14) has been sick and within a day or two everyone else starts getting sick also. It has ruined the last 3 trips! I noticed the day we picked her up she was coughing. Later that day I asked husband if she was sick, he says no he asked her and she said she wasn't. Well what do you know our second day at the cabin my 5 year old is sick, the last day there I was sick, now we are home and my 1 year old is sick.
i want to tell him that from now on if SD has any symptoms of illness she doesn't go with us on the family trip. It's just not worth it having to deal with the aftermath of everyone in my home then being sick, especially with the 1 year old.
im sure SD will have her feelings hurt, but is this reasonable? If our bio kids got sick before trip they would just have to go with us unless the trip was refundable. I know that's not "fair" but SD has her mom she can stay with when sick ours are with us sick or not.
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I think it depends on whose
I think it depends on whose time it falls on per the CO- if she's sick on BMs time- it's BMs responsibility. If she's sick on DHs time then it falls on DH. If it falls on your time perhaps DH and SD stay home and you travel with your kiddos.
Nope!
Kids get sick. SD isn't intentionally going out and getting a head cold. I would hate to be the child whose parents say "you can come with the family on vacation unless you have a cold" because it's annoying that everyone else gets sick. You can enforce handwashing, covering a cough, sneezing into your elbow. But family spreads germs. And in the end unless it's something serious and life threatening, it build the immune system for the next exposure. I had my first headcold in years as a result of one of my biokids coming home to visit after years of so much isolation my immune system has amnesia of all germs! Parents don't get to choose to only parent healthy children. Unless it's serious, the schedule stays the same in our family,.
Yes, its fair
Yes, its fair to ask that BM doesn't send her sick kids to your home. Our SD's BM used to do this constantly. She would run them ragged by taking them to a water park, kids birthday party, and whatever other petrie dish of germs she could find - then send them our way as soon as they got a fever. As usual, we were cleaning up her messes for her. It got so old. She wouldn't even buy her kids vitamins, cold medicine, or make sure they were dressed for the weather. Nope, she just sent them over tired, cranky and sick.
Then , of course there was the constant bar-hopping, in which she picked up gross germs and passed them along to her kids when she got home. Sorry, but someone's disgusting lifestyle should not dictate your vacations. I think if she gets them sick, she can keep them.
I understand your frustration
I understand your frustration. However, unless you isolate constantly when SD is not around, you can't really pin these colds on her. If you left the house and went to the grocery store or a restaurant, if you work and/or the kids go to school or daycare, there are plenty of places they could have picked up a cold.
If you don't want another family vacation "ruined" by SD "getting everyone sick," perhaps you should plan a vacation that only you and your husband take your joint children on. Then let dad take SD on a special trip - just the two of them.
The only other ways around this issue are to strengthen everyone's immune system, travel to your vacation destination separately because traveling together in a car is close quarters, sanitize everything, ask SD to wear a mask and/or isolate your entire family before any trip.
YOU are well within your
YOU are well within your rights to keep yourself AND your very young children healthy.
It's common sense.
DO not question the power you have as a mother of your children. BM doesnt, does she?
Why do YOU think that YOU are being unreasonable? Try to re-train your thinking.
Remember you are the gate keeper and protector of YOUR kids, just like bm is of hers.
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your input. To clarify a few things, sometimes it's DH time with her and sometimes it's days that we switch with her mom so she can go with us.
I hate to "blame" SD but when she is coughing, congested, running nose, etc it's kind of deductive reasoning that leads me to associate the two.
and I'll just add I appreciate the different perspectives. To me, it seems reasonable that she stay home from the trip if sick. I mean as a mom I can't imagine sending my kids to go somewhere when sick for their sake and just out of courtesy for everyone else. My two had to miss a Christmas party at their grandparents today because they are sick, I guess in my mind that is common sense. But that's one reason I love this site, so I can get different feedback before deciding anything.
I think I just want to have a clear game plan moving forward because the trips keep ending up with everyone sick and kind of ruins the whole thing when we are halfway into the trip and half the group doesn't feel well enough to go out and enjoy their time.
I like the idea of having DH do something special with her if she does ever have to miss a trip in the future/ but realistically he won't he is a very simple person that won't go through that effort. So not sure its practical. And I am done owning his relationship with SD so I guess if it comes up I can propose that as a solution and then it's on him.
Become the “did you wash your hands?” Nazi.
I have/had a very large family. Common courtesy and hygiene goes a loooooong way in preventing some spread. Also my family informs "I'm coming down with something, should I come?" If they are told yes, they don't hug and are very careful with spreading germs.
If it's DH's time (whether by
If it's DH's time (whether by CO or because he's traded with BM), then he should take SD, sick or not. BM could have other plans at that point, and your DH doesn't get to parent only when a kid is healthy. Now, that doesn't mean she has to go on a trip - DH could stay home with her. But you say you'd take your own kids on a trip sick, so I think the same should go for SD when it's your DH's parenting time.
My SD7 seems to have the worst immune system ever. She gets so many colds it is ridiculous. She's sick way more than SD10, who shares a room with her. Sometimes we get what she has, usually we don't. I enforce strict hand washing for everyone, we don't share food/drinks, and I try to keep DD3 away from her when she seems particularly sick. I hate it (for her and for us), but she's DH's kid even when she's sick so if it's his time (he has 50/50) we deal with it.