SD lies - Do we tell her we know???
Skids were supposed to come up this weekend. Last Monday DH received a call from SD saying she joined the gulf team and to make up practices that she missed she has to go in this weekend, our visitation weekend. To encourage extracurricular activies DH told Bm that if she has practice and if we can add the days somewhere else we can reschedule. Needless to say the whole story was a lie ... she went to St. Louis with her friends. Her mother is still even not being straight with her as she is driving her down as I type. So now I have a SD in her mothers car lying to her father. Just tells the SD that this behavior is alright. What the heck to we do now. They are to far to just to get up here now. I HATE THIS BLENDED FAMILY CRAP!!! The SD even lied to her 5 year old sister who is constantly calling her because she misses her. This SUCKS!
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Ugh
Not much of a winning situation here -- except maybe pop back and say "Great your dad would love to take you to golf practice!"
I would be honest and your husband should let her know
That you know that she lied. Give her the opportunity to be honest and let her know that honesty is your expectation. Good luck with this.
We dealt with this one, too.
Only ours took place at Christmas and totally ruined our holiday. The oldest girl didn't want to come to our house, supposedly because she didn't want to spend all that time in a car. (We lived four hours away, so it would've been eight hours round-trip. What she didn't know was that we were picking her up at her grandma's and taking her to my parents' house, so it was only two hours one-way.) She made up a story to her mother that I was mean to them and hit one of them during their last visit, because she knew that her mother wouldn't let us have them. We got one of those screaming phone calls from the ex the day before Christmas Eve, followed by a phone call from BM's mother, both of whom said the kids would be going to BM's mother, not us. DH was livid. He said, "Fine, then I'll start sending the CS to your mother and then sue her for contempt for not letting me have my court-ordered time with the kids." It ruined Christmas for all of us.
A few months later - actually, it was almost a year later - we finally got the kids for visitation again and we confronted the girl on why she said what she did. She said she did it because she just didn't want to drive all that way. DH did take her to task for it and explained to her that if she had just told him that, then he would've let her stay behind, but what she did didn't just affect HER travel plans, it prevented her brother and sister - who are actually DH's bio children, unlike oldest SD - from spending the holiday with their father as they wanted to. It also could've ended up badly for me/us, if BM has called CPS as she threatened to do. DH let her have it. It hasn't happened again since. I don't think you can let something like this go.
~ Anne ~
"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)
Oh yeah...
I'd diffidently let her know that you know she lied. Otherwise, she'll believe she got away with it, and try to go further with it in another time... so yes, let her go, have her fun and the next time you see her, casually tell her that you know she lied. She can try to explain herself all she wants, but than you're just allowing her to justify it. Instead, there should be some consequence for her actions. She was the one to chose it, not you guys, and let her know how would she like it if you guys made some really cool and fun plans just for her, got her all excited about going- than didn't show up. What would her reaction be? She'd be sad, mad, upset etc... Shoes on the other foot now. I'd explain how it also hurts someone, especially when that other person is counting on them, relaying on them, etc. Now that she doesn't show, or showed her true colors, that person won't ever trust them again. Just be real with her. Let her see the bigger picture of her actions, and face an equal consequence for it too.
Be honest with her and let her know if she was honest with you, you probably would have understood, made other arrangements, and let her go, etc.
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...