Bitch Vs. Bitching
I'm having the dumbest argument with S/O. We're currently on a 30 min break because he's too mad.
We got into an argument yesterday at some point he said, "stop bitching at me."
For obvious reasons I immediately had an adverse reaction to what he said. I said, "Great now you're calling me a bitch".
Now he's trying to make me say that saying someone is bitching and calling them a bitch are two completely different things.I don't agree. While he owns the fact that it was a crappy thing to say, he thinks that I'm making it worse than it actually is by not making a distinction between the two derivatives of each other.
So what do you all think. I am aware of how incredibly stupid this is I just want to shut him the hell up so we can move on and talk about real issues. But he won't unless I see it his way because my S/O is what Dr.Phil would call a "right fighter". When I ask him if he wants to be right or if he wants to be happy, he responds, "I want to be both".
I'll wait for your answers while I jab myself in the eye with a pencil.
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Thank you. I want to move on
Thank you.
I want to move on but he won't unless I feel differently about what he said. I feel like if I say fine, he'll feel like it wasn't that big of a deal. He feels that it's not as bad to say someone is bitching and I don't appreciate it either way. I feel like he should be the one to back down on this issue because he was the person who said something hurtful. I don't want an explanation, I don't want justification and I don't want minimization. I just want an apology.
This came up while we were
This came up while we were trying to work on issues. The issue he brought up tonight was that he feels like I'm always twisting his words around and the bitch vs. bitching is the example he gave of a time I twisted his words.
*sigh* he called to me apologize and then said he doesn't want to argue anymore so he's going to bed. He doesn't want to talk about anything else until I say it's not the same thing.
That's two people so far plus
That's two people so far plus his friends so I guess I'll just have to give in.
Sally gives pretty bad ass
Sally gives pretty bad ass advice, we argue some too, I appreciate this thread!
I wasn't trying to argue Tog.
I wasn't trying to argue Tog. I wanted him to move on and just accept what he said was not okay. He wanted me to make the distinction and I kept asking him, "why does it matter if you know that I'm still going to be offended at the end of the road?" and he just kept pushing the issue until I said what he wanted me to say. Regardless if it made an actual difference. He said it made a difference, it made him feel better. I asked if he realized that it didn't make me feel better and he said yes. I asked if it was worth it to him and he said no.
I honestly don't know how to handle that. I had already said that I didn't think he called me a bitch the same day he said I was bitching. He brought this up as an example of me twisting his words. I don't even know how this ended up being rehashed.
2 different things. He didnt
2 different things.
He didnt call you a name (bitch). He complained about an action (bitching).
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your advise.
I told S/O that I'm sorry for saying he called me a bitch. I also expressed to him that I didn't appreciate what he said and that it was offensive to me either way and that I don't appreciate him telling me how to feel about it. Instead of accepting and moving on, he found fault in what I said. He didn't like that I said I don't appreciate him telling me how to feel about him saying I was bitching so then that went into another argument. He readily admits that he knows he was going through all this to make himself feel better. He said he thinks how he feels about his own statement matters.
While I now know the distinction between Bitch Vs. Bitchy, it was still rude and it definitely didn't contribute to the health of the original argument. By original I mean the argument he said this in and not this one. "Stop Bitching" is what he said to me while I was explaining that I feel unsupported and misunderstood by him. Nothing I feel is right, I'm always wrong and that I'm always having to tend to his needs before my own. Meaning, if I say something he doesn't like in the middle of expressing how I feel about something he said or did, he will derail the conversation until he get's an apology and only then will he apologize but if he doesn't feel like it's something that he should apologize for then it turns into another argument. He will only apologize if he thinks he should.
Again, thank you all for your advice.
Are you "bitching and
Are you "bitching and moaning" or just bitching? LOL Time to do the other one, you guys need it
I agree. Bitching does not
I agree. Bitching does not equal bitch. I use bitching as synonymous with complaining or nagging. Coming out and calling you a bitch is what it is...not ok