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BM constantly "forgets"..... I think it is on purpose....

JustTheGirlfriend's picture

BM constantly "forgets" things.... it is getting worse and is causing issues for all of us.
I don't buy this excuse... her life is in a constant state of disorganization & chaos, and she has no problem spreading it around.
I am beginning to think that she is doing this on purpose.

This week is my SO's scheduled weekend with SS11. Since I had Friday off work, SO asked me to pick up SS11 at his grandma's house.
SO tells me that he got a last-minute text from BM that SS11 has been signed up for fall little league and has practice in just a couple of hours....and that his first game is Saturday morning at 10am. Thanks BM....way to communicate!

I get to Grandma's and SS11 is there - but he has nothing with him except the clothes that he is wearing.
No bag with extra clothes, no ADHD meds, no baseball uniform, no cleats, no mitt, etc.... BM obviously knew that he had practice & a game... she knew since she signed him up weeks ago....and we only found out an hour before I picked him up!

I ask SS11 if we should stop by his house (20 min away) to get his stuff....he starts to cry (really?!) and looks at Grandma, talking like a baby... tells her that he doesn't remember the code to get into their garage and doesn't have a house key.

So we go home to our house. I text SO what is going on. He is angry with BM for inconveniencing us yet again & not communicating!
Her reply text just says "I forgot what day it was".... :sick: No indication that she will get the needed items to us, and her home is a 1-hour drive from SO's work location.

NO communication from BM as to WHERE SS11's baseball practice is, no communication of WHERE the game on Saturday morning is.

We make the best of Friday evening - SS11 misses his practice due to not having any info to get him there. I pull some of my DS21's old clothes from boxes in the garage for SS11 to wear, and we give SS11 some melatonin in absence of his ADHD night-time meds.

Saturday morning we are awoken by SS11 crying - from his bedroom across the hall from ours. It sounds like fake/whiny/acting crying.
He is greatly coddled by BM at home....this kind of behavior gets her running to him, and SO will not buy into it, SS11 tells SO thru his tears that he "has a headache".

I immediately think that it could be true - due to the ADHD drugs being mis-managed and not consistently provided to him. These are not vitamins! They need to be taken consistently in order to keep the blood levels correct. BM has him on adult doses.... we never know which version of SS11 we will receive on our weekends because of the drugs. Sometimes we get hyper-kid who eats everything in sight, or coma-kid who won't eat and barely moves all weekend, or sometimes like today....the whiny/clingy kid.

We have now dealt with SS11's headache....fed him, gave Advil, and he is now curled up on the couch.

At 7am we receive a text from BM that just says "SS11's stuff is on the porch". SO goes to our front door, thinking she dropped off a bag here on her way to work. Nope. Apparently she left SS's stuff on HER own porch....10 miles away. Couldn't be bothered to drop off a bag last night, couldn't be bothered to drop off a bag this morning.....of stuff that SHE forgot to provide.

Baseball uniform & equipment for a sport that SHE signed him up for without SO's knowledge or consent, and the oh-so-needed ADHD drugs that SHE put him on without SO's knowledge or consent....because SHE cannot handle SS11's behavior and wants to keep him her compliant baby as long as possible.

No text or email advising WHERE the little league game is at 10am today. We don't know the team name, coach, or anything.

So it appears that there will be no baseball today. Even if we went over to her house, I am certain that something is missing from that bag. SS11 is still curled up on the couch, not seeming to even care about baseball....so why keep signing him up for it?

She does this to us 90% of our weekends..... it's always something....

Comments

kathc's picture

I'm sure she'll tell the coach and all the other parents how your SO "couldn't be bothered" to take his son to the practice and game. She'll leave out the part where she never gave you any info OR sent his uniform.

Just another chance to be MOTY.

And when SS gets kicked off the team for missing practices and games, she'll be able to use that in her PAS campaign that "daddy doesn't love you or care about you because he made you get kicked off the team!"

oneoffour's picture

I would send BM a text. "I bought SS clothes to wear at my home. What is the name of the team he is playing on? I am contacting Dr this week for a separate prescription. The reason will be that you forget to send over SSs meds so it would be better for me to have xx tablets for the xx days he is here over the next month."

Cut her off at the knees. If you have room for your grown sons clothes at your place you have room for a few changes of clothes for your SS. IF she forgets the name of the team or the location of practices there is really nothing you can do except question SS about the details and play detective and work it out yourself. THEN contact the team manager for practice and game details.

What she is doing is not right. But your DH needs to step up. As I told my DH his ex is not responsible for school notices reaching him anymore. He said the school would not send out 2 sets of notices... BS! I called the school and asked them. Apparently they DO send out separate notices to divorced parents. HE only had to drop into the school and sign a form.

JustTheGirlfriend's picture

Thanks for the feedback on this!

I have been with my SO for almost 5 years and do not get in between SO & BM directly. I speak to SO & he handles BM as he decides to.
I have no had contact with BM and I don't know her phone number. We met once (by accident) in a grocery store.

SO flip-flops.... half the time he tells me that he is obligated to take SS11 to any activities that BM commits him to (sports, friend's birthday parties, etc...) because in their parenting plan there is a paragraph that states something to the effect that one parent will not interfere with the child's activities while the have them. Then at other times like this weekend, he just digs his heels in and says "F-it" since she has not provided the necessary time & location info. I agree with him on that - he shouldn't have to contact her multiple times to get information that she already has... I think she wants him to have to work for it.

SO is already in touch with SS11's school & plans to email the coach of this new baseball team as soon as he knows who it is, to make sure he is on the contact list. BM never puts him on the paperwork when she enrolls SS in anything.

As for the meds, this is something that I have been bugging SO about being more involved in since SS was put on them 4 years ago. SO did not and still does not agree with putting SS on medicine, let alone heavy adult doses. He would have liked to have seen a natural approach taken first to see if that addressed the supposed problems that BM reported that she was seeing in SS's behavior. To me, SS is like most other boys his age. I saw nothing different in him than my own son who is now 21, and I thought the drugging has been unfortunate but I have no say in it. SO agrees that he needs to get more involved in this issue. He previously didn't because BM is very litigious and he was still kind of recovering from the divorce when she pushed for drugging SS. He didn't realize the extent of drugs or the length of time that it would be for. He recognizes now that he needs to get more involved and make sure his opinion is considered too.

I have been pushing SO to get more involved ever since I met him... I keep telling him - if you don't get involved, you don't get to complain! Blum 3

JustTheGirlfriend's picture

BM got off work and apparently wasn't happy when she arrived home & saw the bag with SS11's baseball stuff in it still on her front porch as she had left it this morning. She starts texting SO, reaming him for not taking SS11 to the game....asking if SO had let coach know, etc...?? Lots of questions.... for which SHE had not supplied the information....no location of where the game was, no name or phone number of the coach, etc.

SO responds that SS11 woke up crying with a headache & asked her what was more important- the game, or SS11's well-being?
(She thinks that SS makes the team...lol... It is a fall league for skill-building only and they have more kids than they need as it is)

Next thing we hear is SS11's phone ringing....SO makes sure SS answers it....we hear him tell BM that he did not feel good & wanted to stay home from the game.

And of course after hearing it from SS, she backs off... always attacks SO before getting facts.